TWENTY ONE YEARS AGO
I don't know if people do this but do you ever go through a certain situation and you think about it, then years later remember the date and realize, you survived it. 21 years ago, I walked out of a halfway house. I remember getting in the car and asking myself if this was my life? Would I be one of those guys that went in and out of the prison system. Well 21 years later the answer is no. I remember exactly what happened that weekend. I got out on a Friday. I went to eat lunch with my wife at the time who happened to be pregnant, We went to a Cajun place in Boulder named Lucille's. After lunch we went home passed out and woke up in the middle of the night when her water broke. I went out side in a snowstorm and warmed up the car while she got dressed and called the Doctor.
We got to the hospital and immediately she went into labor and had my only child Jacqueline. I remember thinking about how old I would be when she was 10 then for some reason I thought about how old I would be when she was 21 and what my life would be like and I have to tell you while I sat there daydreaming I never thought I'd be in Los Angeles pursuing a comedy career. I thought by that point in my life, I've my life together because when that baby was born, my life was very far from being together.
One thing I have now is that I know exactly where I'm going to be tomorrow at a certain time. 21 years ago I could never tell you about an hour into the future because I always knew jail and death were eminent. Today I don't feel that way. What are you going to arrest me for cursing? An old warrant? I stay out of Warrantville, if you catch my drift.
The truth of the matter is that when I was holding that baby in my hand I kept thinking about how I had to change for her, how wrong was I? You change for you. I wasn't ready for her at that time or ten years later, I just wasn't ready. But believe it or not, I'm ready today but now we have no relationship. We both walked away from each other.
As you know I'm part of the Beauty And Da Beast Podcast and every week I get emails from kids that are trying to get there shit together and I try to explain that even if you try it takes a long time to get it together but as long as your trying and you know where you stand that makes your life easier. It took me 21 years from that time to get it together but do I really have it together? What I have is the gift of trial and error and even though I fucked up as a father it wasn't a fuck up it was that I just wasn't ready. In the last couple of years, I've reached out to my daughter to try and make it right or at least to get on the track but guess what? Now she's not ready so that's what I get for not being ready! Happy Birthday Jacqueline! Have a drink on me!
Its a confusing blog, but I had to write something. Thank you for reading. Have a great week and remember to Stay Black cause that's something you don't need to be ready for, either you are or your not.
IRVINE IMPROV Wednesday February 2nd 8PM! Much Love!!!!!!