The Rundown: Hi, I'm John. You can call me John. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
I hear I'm a fun guy, and I love to meet people. Anyone! Just give me a call and we'll hang. Also, call me anytime if you're drunk and you need a ride or a place to crash... {[303][519][4447]}.
Don't be stupid... there are cooler ways to die than drugs or alcohol. On that note, I'd like to die in a fun and exciting way, such as bungie-jumping off of a bridge into piranha infested waters to save a supermodel's lost puppy.
Love life... there's only one, so enjoy it. I know I do. Now get off your ass and go make a contribution to society.
I apologize to those of you who were in my Myspace Family, but I felt that it was time to move on.
lol ill have to borrow one from ya next year. haha i could totally see you wearing that shirt in a yelle dance video or something. with crazy pump up nikes
totes man. but theyre pretty sick. now we dont have to spend our friday nights cruisin around doin nothing. nice tat btw. im not gunna say any names, but katie archuletta was involved in a hit and run the first time you attempted to get a tatoo. Wonder what she did this time
Yea. all the movies are in english but with portuguese subtitles. When are you going up to FoCo cuz ive got something really fun we should do before everyone splits. it'll be hilarious
