"Monday night, I was at the club.
Tuesday night, I was at the club.
Wednesday, had lower back pain,
but Wednesday night, I was at the club.
Thursday, ate a bad fish sandwich,
but Thursday night, I was at the club.
Friday, had lead poisoning,
but Friday night, I was at the club.
Saturday, had a root canal,
but Saturday night, I was at the club.
Sunday, another bad fish sandwich,
but Sunday night, I was at the club."
Music
Now playing: "The Art of Motion Picture" by Only Hell Remains
Movies
I've seen more movies in the past year and a half than I've seen in my whole fucking life. Nothing like having a movie guy as a roommate.... dude knows his movies.
Television
I have an RCA, 35 inch TV from 1993. It weighs like 300 lbs. AND, since Christmas '07, a slick new 42" flat screen.
Books
I have about a 1/2 million books, but, lately I'm really more of a magazine guy. I keep buying those damn books though, hoping that'll change. Yet, it doesn't. (NEWS FLASH! I started reading "The Essential Hitler; Speeches and Commentary" by Max Domarus. I'm on page 45... only 817 pages to go!)
Heroes
My motto: Who, what, where and when I fuck has got nothing to do with you. But if you wanna know, just ask.. or even just make eye contact. Trust me, I'll tell you. My email: empirejohn@aol.com.
About me: Hey, what's up? My name is John and I'm a third generation butcher/sausage maker. Meat has played a very big part in my life.. meat, sausage, cold cuts, bacon... everyday. EVERYDAY. Best part is, I haven't missed a meal ever and don't plan on it. I'm full on German/Italian and have a ferocious appetite. I live on protein! I kick ass in the kitchen... I can make you a pork chop so beautiful, you'll get a tear in your eye. Anyway, here are some other things about me.. most you don't need to know, but my boundaries are really low. I'll tell you anything, just ask me. Seriously. Ummm, 'til then... I'm a 6 ft, 238 lb, solid wall of guy. Big and thick. A blue eyed, long blond haired fuck. I'm very laid back and easy to get along with.. a straight up Libra. Crazy social. I'll never embarrass you in front of your mother. I will, on the other hand, do anything to make my friends laugh.. especially in public. Nudity and bad dancing are my preferred methods. Bwah ha. I live in jeans, t-shirts and boots, 365 days a year and I'd sleep in my leather jacket if I could. I can't keep a secret for shit so don't tell me anything you don't want everyone to know, UNLESS, you tell me not to tell anyone and then I'll take it to the grave. No joke. Uh, I'm the most horned up bastard who ever lived and can be ready in a moments notice. Zero to Sixty.. two seconds. I also don't shave anything that's not supposed to be shaved. I haven't worn underwear since 7th grade and don't plan on it. I like my junk to have some swing space. FWAP, FWAP! This past year, I came in 2nd place in Time Out New York magazine's Naked New Yorker Contest. I'm not even joking... out of 11 million people, I came in 2nd. LOL! I guess I'm keepin' my shit together... and tight. ;-) Plus, I'm healthy as a horse.. no diseases. I don't even have a fucking cold. As for drinking, I'm a Budweiser guy.. throw in a shot or two of anything, some loud music.. maybe a band.. and I'm happy as a pig in shit. I switched a while back from Cuervo shots to SoCo shots. The switch from one to the other brought hilariously less puking! HA! But then I realized it wasn't what I was shooting back, it was how much. 8 shots of anything is gonna make me puke. So now I keep the shots to 2 or 3 and all is well. Doesn't matter what the fuck is in the shot glass. See? Ya live, ya learn. I have all this fun with an unbelievable cool crowd of lifelong friends, new friends and a very tight family who accept me for who I am, and I do the same thing for them. Beauty is where you find it.. right, Madonna? That queen of all whores...
Who I'd like to meet: ... some cool people to hang with. Metal heads, sluts, geeks, whores, nerds, slackers, the heavily tattooed, bartenders, drunks, those who live to eat - not eat to live, weirdoes, the orally fixated, hippies, go-go dancers, sexual compulsives, burn outs, the heteroflexible, the shy, the loud and raucous, internet porn lovers, book hoarders, really short people, really tall people, the mildy inappropriate... pretty much anyone who lives, eats and shits outside the norm. People who go out on a random weeknight and carry on like it's New Years Fucking Eve. People who've done ridiculous crap and like to talk about it. People who don't shave their damn pubes off. People who not only know what a disco nap is, but wouldn't go out without one. People who know that the most delicious thing in the world just might be Grilled Swiss on Rye with Bacon and Tomato. People who dig Reality TV even though they know it's edited within an inch of it's life. People who get crazy turned on by patchouli. People who know that 7-ELEVEN is the happiest place on earth. People who have sex.. either a lot or a little, with one or many, and when they tell me about it, don't leave out any details. People who'll stay out till 4AM on a Tuesday morning to see some band because they heard they might be good. MIGHT be. People who follow that night with Fish Tacos for breakfast..... and then go to work.
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