John, my sins my own, they belong to me's Interests
General
I like to...
Talk endlessly, late at night, about all that stuff that revolves around who we really are...
why am I so drawn to the dark places when it is not really who I am? what's up with that?
...wander up and down Hollywood Blvd and make up stories about all the people I walk by... I miss pedestrian rich NYC.
...go to NA meetings, hoping that I'll meet that really interesting individual that I can really connect with... don't usually, but the stories are good and I really like the fellowshiping stuff...and just now and again, I do meet that really interesting person...
...Digitial Identity Issues and all the academic investigation of self performativity - Queer Theory, Identity Construction and all similiar self mastrabatory intellectual games that fascinate and entertain me, as in late night discussions above (See the start of my Queer Dilemma Blog) ...oh, and I like to read alot, too.
...Digital Art and becoming proficient in that medium ... still learning, but I'm ambitious.
...Open to any mutual self exploration "project" you might propose...
Music
Overwhelming...So I am going to just periodically list some of my latest discoveries here...
My current love: ..Turin Brakes - Dark on Fire absolutely gorgeous, like all their work:
See a couple of other amazing videos from the CD on their homepage ... they are truly one of my favorite bands.
Discovery: ..... GLAY ... they are my latest, stumbled upon, discovery -- a very interesting band from Hakodate, Japan.
Here's a video of the song I really like... Enjoy!
..... And, among many favorites, I highlight: Sparklehorse...
God, I love that name! Sea of Teeth is probably my all time favorite Sparklehorse song (among others!)... I've included a video, Jack Kerouac has Turned Into Dust
(posted on YouTube by mercurymouth) that combines this song with some beautiful imagery...Enjoy!
And, for some local, ambient/experimental, check out dr. auxilliary on my Friends List.
Movies
How about the last movie I saw that I really liked...
The Fall
some other favorites that come immediately to mind..
Little Miss Sunshine Mysterious Skin The Haunting(the original only, not the remake!)
Television
Don't have much interest in it...
but i can watch this all day....
I spend my "monitor watching" time on YouTube, because there's so much interesting, innovative stuff there (and I guess my attention span has become limited...). I want to share my very favorite video:
Erase This Memory (Acoustic) - Sleepwalkers
Of all the many thousands of videos I viewed, this one touches me in a very deep and profound way ... who can say? It is joyous in a way that vibrates every nostalgic bone in my body...
..... while I'm here, let me put in a link to an old partner's art website:
www.artbydonatelli.com
In case you haven't extrapolated that far, this is my favorite painting of hers that I am fortunate to own and have hanging on my wall.
Books
for some reason, my favorite book (at this writing) is:
A Home at the End of the World by Michael Cunningham -- his exploration of inner dialogue and switching character point of view chapter-by-chapter is seamlessly and so believably done - I love his characters. The last paragraph of the book is heartachingly beautiful.
for fantasy, in a most interesting, amusing, gender bender, romantic manner...
Wraeththu by Storm Constantine
and for a most lovely, moving short short story
Pop Art by Joe Hill in his collection, 20th Century Ghosts a truly bizare, and strangely lyrical story...
and finally, for the more intellectual ...
Anything by and referencing, The goddess of QUEER, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, Epistemology of The Closet was a very significant book for me, also Judith Butler and related works on gender peformativity and the concepts of how the self is constructed.
anything written by Slavoj Zizek, a new interest, because who could resist his name and his writing is most arrogantly thought provoking....
About me: We're Queer, We're Here, We're on your Streets and We're not f*&king going away!
Here's a little introduction to me, my tastes, my sensibilities, my aesthetics.... A little music video I made celebrating my desires and my friend Theresa's band, hello menno
...So upon which clothesline shall I hang my identity today?
Pick from the rack, outfit myself in some uniform of non-conformity and let my ego take stage center. Still, I can't give it up yet and i still long to play with the fancy lights of my own self delusion/illusion....
It's still somewhat vague to me how to go about what I am attempting to do here, which I think is to broaden my opportunities to establish new connections and possibly communities for myself. I have found that opportunities for social engagement, networking and meeting new people becomes increasingly challenging as one gets older - so I am looking at this as a new opportunity to reach out and see who might be interesting out there and to also explore this opportunity as a way of expanding the activity of self representation. So, I try to be intellectual and creative about the whole thing and then I get lost in my own silliness below... (who doesn't when it comes to one's own attempted self representation)
The Project, as I am defining it today... September 2008, subject to revision...
Ultimately what I am trying to do here is to create a narrative that will attract like-minded individuals (to present myself in a way that will attract my "ideal") - I sometimes feel so alone with this reinventing of myself, even within the established communities in which I participate. I suffer so very much that homosexual melancholy that Didier describes in his book (INSULT, the making of the gay self) - that never ending process of mourning that marks the process of ego formation by way of a set of refused and discarded identifications ...
So, for almost a decade, in addiction, I pursued the process of escape from the self, the obliteration of self to obtain an inevitably false sense of freedom and release - and that high, that high of separation from the burden of oneself...
The process of recovery I am now engaged in, is then the process of coming back to terms with the need to consciously reconstruct the self in a way that is fufilling, functional, and hopefully, joyous and is the antithesis to the concept of escaping from the self -- So, this space is a visible representation of my reconstruction process.
So, I am rather QUEER,
in the best sense of that word...
..... odd, outlaw, doesn't fit, unsettling....more fey than gay...
...A very succinct review
of how I look at me:
As quoted from Wikipedia, Traditional usage:
Since its emergence in the English language in the 16th century (related to the German quer, meaning 'across, at right angle, diagonally or transverse'), queer has generally meant 'strange', 'unusual', or 'out of alignment'. It might refer to something suspicious or 'not quite right', or to a person with mild insanity or who exhibits socially inappropriate behavior.
--------------------- AS A CONTEMPORARY ANTONYM OF HERTERONORMATIVE:
...Because of the context in which it was reclaimed, queer has sociopolitical connotations, and is often preferred by those who are activists, by those who strongly reject traditional gender identities, by those who reject distinct sexual identities such as gay, lesbian, bisexual and straight, and by those who see themselves as oppressed by the heteronormativity of the larger culture. In this usage it retains the historical connotation of "outside the bounds of normal society" and can be construed as "breaking the rules for sex and gender." It can be preferred because of its ambiguity, which allows "queer" identifying people to avoid the sometimes strict boundaries that surround other labels. In this context, "queer" is not a synonym for LGBT as it creates a space for "queer" heterosexuals as well as "non-queer" ("straight-acting") homosexuals.
Who I'd like to meet: Looking for....
Wandering, wondering souls...
searching for something, somewhat different
than the standard deviation.
And for the final summary of all my asethics tastes...here is a video that combines 2 of my favorite artists, PJ Harvey and Jean Genet...it's called Polly meets Jean in the prison of ardent desire... and is probably one of the most eroticly charged things I've seen in a long time:
Hello. Hope you're doing good. So what do you think the final healthcare reform bill should be named? "Ted Kennedy?" "The American Plan"? ...and why do the conservatives continue to hijack the national debate? Visit http://wp.me/ps8BM-75 Peace!
Thank you for the kind words! It's nice to hear people enjoy what I do. I am still shooting the video. We wrap it up at the end of the month. I'll let you know as soon as it's done as it is for the song Transmission!! Nice to have you on Facebook also! ILike is cool because I can upload more songs.
Have an awesome day!!
Much luv,
Mac
