About me: I'm Jordan. And I wish that sounded more exotic.
Before making any friend requests, I ask that you take the time to fill out the following application, seeing as how we're only here to procreate, we may as well be orderly.
Please include the following if you're to friend request. Those who are already friends, if you would take the time to fill this out, please take the time.
Hair Color:__________
Real Hair Color:____________
Eye Color:___________
Dentures: __________
Weight: _________
Height:___________
Waist Size: __________
Breast or Bra Size: __________
Marital Status:
Married___________
Single______________
Divorced:_________ Other__________
Are Your Breasts Real? ____________
Do You Like Them:
Sucked_________ Chewed__________ Kissed____________
Caressed__________ Squeezed________ Licked_________
Other_____
All of the Above____________
Can You Stay Out Late? _____________ How Late?_____________
All Night? _________ Several Days? ___________
Do You Like To Have Sex And Be Screwed All Night? ____________
How Often? __________
Do You Like Oral Sex? _____________
Pussy Size:
Small ________ Medium __________
Large ____________ Extra Large __________
While Screwing Do You:
Faint______ Fart______ Cry______ Moan______
Hum______ Whistle______ Scream_______ Sing_______
Scratch___________ Just Lay There_________
All of the Above_____________________
List the Top 3 Positions You Like the Best:
1)______________
2)______________
3)______________
When You Cum Do You:
Wiggle______ Wobble__________
Twist_______ Jerk_________ Scream________
Cry________ Just Start Humping Like Hell___________
What Kind of Screw Do You Like?
Fast_________ Super Fast__________ Slow__________
All Night____________ All Speeds___________
How Many Times? _________________
How Long Do You Like To Screw At
One Interval? ___________________________
If You Have Screwed Before, Give Two(2) References
(Not Immediate Family)
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or
anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us
had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you
being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly
words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking
that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just
went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny
yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I
can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you
meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I
know
that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is
something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I
can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to
say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and
you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate
feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because
I
am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what
happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just
about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there
with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything iu would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate
feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because
I
am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what
happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just
about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there
with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in
the world to rewind and fix it.
I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you
won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for
getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at
your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be
great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel
like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was
not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I
really
don't think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for
"Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to
carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of
whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for
45minutes
while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you
ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is
grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k
him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care
less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world
revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly
Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to
consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news
for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they
just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who
commands about as much respect as your average child p*rn collector. I
could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who
comes
out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone
else
in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who
decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut
is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good
thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young
lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday,
we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By
the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you
do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
I'm a bitter, bitter person. I'm sure we'd have a good time.
JordPWN _______Now Taking Requests________________'s Friend Space (Top 4)
JordPWN _______Now Taking Requests________________ has 44 friends.
City:Wawasee Lake State:duh Age:69999 Phone:574 518 4506 SSN:5464152165445462
Hair Color:black Real Hair Color:bleach blonde Eye Color:blue
Dentures: fuck no Weight: ranges from 108-115 Height:i really dont know to be honest lol Waist Size: ? um my pants are 2's and 3's? Breast or Bra Size: 32c
Marital Status: Married___________ Single______________ Divorced:_________ Other:i guess Are Your Breasts Real? yes Do You Like Them: Sucked_________ Chewed__________ Kissed____________ Caressed__________ Squeezed________ Licked_________ Other_____ All of the Above:sure why not lol
Can You Stay Out Late? um yeah How late? All Night? _________ Several Days? yep Do You Like To Have Sex And Be Screwed All Night? mhm
How Often? all the time.
Do You Like Oral Sex? love it
Pussy Size: Small ________ Medium __________ Large ____________ Extra Large __________ WHAT THE FUCK? AHAAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHAHHA
While Screwing Do You: Faint______ Fart______ Cry:_i have____ Moan_____sometimes_ Hum______ Whistle______ Scream___i have____ Sing_______ Scratch_____:]scars to prove it______ Just Lay There_________ All of the Above_____________________
List the Top 3 Positions You Like the Best: 1)_____doesnt matter_________ 2)______________ 3)______________
When You Cum Do You: Wiggle______ Wobble__________ Twist____i guess___ Jerk_________ Scream___yeah_____ Cry________ Just Start Humping Like Hell___________
What Kind of Screw Do You Like? Fast_________ Super Fast____:]______ Slow__________ All Night________:]____ All Speeds___________
How Many Times? _______umm__________ How Long Do You Like To Screw At One Interval? __________________haha._________
If You Have Screwed Before, Give Two(2) References (Not Immediate Family)- haahaha
Name:__scotty ____________ Address:__________?____ Phone:____sorry i cant______
Shit man, get those thoughts out of your head, I totally care!
Wanna know something totally lame, though?
I now work at a call centre while trying to juggle summer school at my school in downtown Toronto. Yeah, it totally blows. So I'm not really on a lot and when I am I'm in an "I'll just reply to these comments later" kind of mood.
But AN was pretty sweet! I've got picture up of me hugging a really sweet cat thing that I found. :) I wasted a lot of money on stuff from there that I've barely even used. I bought one anime (Afro Samurai) and one hentai (Legend of the Perverts...I can't wait until Katie and I can watch that shit together). And one Enid doll (from Ghost World, I think?)...and a couple bows (I use those, though =]). But yeah...gotta start saving for school, otherwise I'm utterly screwed. :(
Fuck, I was going to say something else, but now I forget what...
...
...oh yeah! My family is taking in a Swedish girl in from August until, like, January or something. Which is rad. Which may even mean trips to Sweden for Alex?! Maybe....hopefully....if I play my cards right.
Hair Color: Shitty.
Real Hair Color: red/brown.
Eye Color: blue?
Dentures: are probably more enjoyable than braces.
Weight: I couldn't care less.
Height: Short enough. 5'4/5"
Breast or Bra Size: what a lovely question. 35 C?
Marital Status:
Married:
Single:
Divorced: Of course.
Are Your Breasts Real? No?
Do You Like Them:
Sucked
Chewed
Kissed
Caressed
Squeezed
Licked
Other: Who wants to know? :/
All of the Above: Oh, naturally.
Can You Stay Out Late? Of course.
How Late? All night baby. ;] </sarcasm>
All Night? No shit.
Several Days? Why not.
Do You Like To Have Sex And Be Screwed All Night?
If the pay is good.
How Often? How much you got?
Do You Like Oral Sex? The mouth breeds many germs.
While Screwing Do You:
Faint: Never.
Fart: I hope not.
Cry: You'd be the one crying.
Moan: It's probably fake.
Hum: "Jingle Bells"
Whistle: ^^^ditto.
Scream: Sure?
Sing: A variety of showtunes.
Scratch: scratch what?
Just Lay There: Never.
All of the Above: Depends on how much money I get.
List the Top 3 Positions You Like the Best:
1) Pitcher.
2) Outfielder.
3) Second baseman.
What Kind of Screw Do You Like?
Fast
Super Fast: like a jackhammer.
Slow
All Night: Of course.
All Speeds: I can go at all speeds for a certain amount of cash.
How Many Times? of what?
How Long Do You Like To Screw At
One Interval? You got 45 minutes before I move on to my next customer.
If You Have Screwed Before, Give Two(2) References
(Not Immediate Family)
Name: like I take that down.
Address: unkown.
Phone: I only know credit card numbers.
Name: Santa Claus.
Address: The North Pole?
Phone: Like I know Santa's number. pff
...the feck? It looks like a lot of my comment got cut off. Shit. And I'm having one of those moments where I'm too lazy to do it all over again, ya know?
In other news, I think someone from New Hampshire called me last night. :O I didn't answer. >:)...because I was sleeping. >.>
Hahahahaaaaa, bitch, you haven't even LEFT me seventy comments. :P But alas, since I'm god-like, I'll answer.
I'm also gonna fill out your cute little friend application, but hold on. :)
I've gotta have a pow-wow with Katie about AN before I can really give you any answers. So just keep your drawers up, woman! =]
Time to talk about meeeee!
Name: Beaton, Alex(andra), J.
City: We'll say Toronto, but for now it's Buttfuck.
State: Ontario. Isn't it refreshing hearing a Canadian just go with it and not say "stfu, I'm from Canada!" I kinda shot myself in the foot by saying that though...
Age: 19 Phone: I think you already know it. ;)
SSN: The hell?
Hair Color: Blacky brown.
Real Hair Color: Hahahaha. Real slick, jim. Brown. Which hue of brown? Fuck if I know, it's been years. :(
Eye Color: Brown.
Dentures: I'm gonna be honest, I'm not smart enough to know what you mean by that. =/
Weight: It fluctuates between 128 and 133.
Height: 5'unglamourous4".
Waist Size: Like 27"?
Breast or Bra Size: Perv. I measure 33", but I'm stuck with a 34 B cup.
Marital Status:
Married___________
Single KACHING!
Divorced:_________ Other__________
Are Your Breasts Real? ;)
Do You Like Them:
Sucked: You Chewed: Fucking
Kissed: Little
Caressed: Pervert Squeezed: Go Licked: Die
Other: K
All of the Above: THNX! =]
Can You Stay Out Late? Yes
How Late? Guess. :)
All Night? Getting warmer...
Several Days? BINGO!
Do You Like To Have Sex And Be Screwed All Night?
My sex life = a joke.
How Often? You heard me.
Do You Like Oral Sex? Wouldn't you like to know...'cause so would I. =/
Pussy Size:
Small ________ Medium __________
Large ____________ Extra Large: KACHING!
While Screwing Do You:
Faint: If I've had enough sugar. Fart: We've been through this. I'm too hot to have a) a colon and b) a digestive
Yeah, the Genghis Tron tradge is a bit of a kick in the pants for me too. :(
Hey, 'member that guy from Kitchener who said he'd give us free piercings? Go him. :) I kiiiinda want to take him up on that offer. I just want to know a little more about the condish, know what I mean? Maybe we have to give blowjobs to him and his dog or something, then sniff his ear cheese from his plugs. :(
But piercings for no money IS piercings for no money. Yeah, I'd say I'm shameless enough for my dignity to be negotiable. ;) 'Boutchoo?
Hahaha, quit complaining. >:) As if I actually HAVE an attention span. :P
You want a reply? I'll give it to you!!!
*REPLYYYYY!!!!!*
Hahaha. I'm kidding. :P
SO!!! You're obviously smarter than me, because you're all up on your Mexican history. Or French history...
I was just all up on my art history when I posted that, it's The Third of May by Goya (Posted on May 3rd...get it?!?!). All I know is that it's a Romantic painting and I can compare and contrast the shit out of that painting to Neo-Classicism art like a motherfucker. I'll spare you the details, but get me drunk off something classy like few a Ports and I'll go into maaad detail.
But it has something to do with real historical shit with like...the Spanish or something? Or the Mexicans? I don't know, but you could be right or maybe kinda right. I forget what exactly happened, it's likely that I was barely awake during that lecture.
And you wonder why the hell you're not in my top friends, do ya? Well, step in line for auditions, mon ami! Or buy me something. >:)
If I had a dollar for everytime someone has asked anything about the "1992" in my name...
I'd have two dollars. :)
But yeah, there is no real significance to it, my name is from a line in my absolute faaavourite movie "Saved by the Belles". Drag queen Sheena Hershey (sp?) starts getting all up in the grillz of Scarlet and Chris and at one point she says "I give you bootie, I give you leg, I give you face. ....blah blah blah..and now I'm starting to sound like a 1992 New York, Brooklyn bitch!...blah blah blah, I don't remember". And it was a line that made me laugh. But I edited out the "New York" part because it didn't look right to me.
And that's that. :) I might be changing that name soon, though. To what? I'm not sure, but I'll figure it oot.
Night night, mah doozle sploozle! Oh...and the dial up totally didn't let me see whatever comment it was that you sent me as a parting gift, but I'll fully assume it's cool. =] Thaaaaaanks! I looove iiiiit!! >.>
Maybe I dont read enough to find some good, interesting books.
Actually! I read Life of Pi and really liked that. Is that more to your taste?
And thanks :O My classes went effing great. Now I get to go home (to Guelph, by the way) and awste away, working 9-5. I hate how thats what my summer is going to basically be :( Booo.
