Tina the travel agent gushed with excitement when she called Charlie Parker.
“You’re not going to believe this,” she said. “Oh, God, if my mother hadn’t raised me right, or even if my boyfriend could lie with a straight face, I’d jump on this myself and salve my conscience by putting you into Le Meridien for free.”
Charlie asked, “You could do that, get me Le Meridien for free?”
“If your wife can pass herself off as me.
“Oh.” Antoinette, aka Twine, his wife of almost ten years, couldn’t lie with a straight face either. “So what’s this great place you’ve got for us?”
Charlie and Twine had decided to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary in Cancún. Tina was his sister Delia’s best friend and was supposed to work her travel agent magic to get them a great deal on a top-tier hotel.
“What I’ve got you,” Tina said, “is the first opening in over six years at the Hotel Fred!” The Hotel Fred? Charlie waited for the punch line. It didn’t come.
“Um, I’ve never heard of that hotel,” he said.
“Of course, you haven’t,” Tina sighed. “All the more reason I should go and not you.”
“Fred Pegler, that’s who owns the hotel?” Twine said to Charlie at home that night. She sounded as if she didn’t believe him.
“Yeah, you ever hear of him?” She looked at him like he’d just dropped in from Mars.
“Don’t you remember? He was the lead singer of No Money Down. They had a string of hits back when we were kids.” For a moment, Twine looked as if she was revisiting a special memory. Then she finished dicing a plum tomato and tossed it into the pot for marinara sauce. “Didn’t know Fred was still alive though.”
“You’re one up on me,” Charlie replied, “I didn’t know he was ever alive.” Charlie did know, of course, that he shared his name with an all-time jazz great, and he generally liked music. But it was a momentary thing with him, in one ear and out the other. He never got a tune stuck in his head. Couldn’t imagine it.
Charlie’s job was buying media and his thing was numbers: business figures, sports stats, keeping a running total in his head when he went grocery shopping with Twine. He asked his wife, “Any of those hits something I might remember?”
All he hoped for was a song title; melodies were beyond him. He got the National Anthem and the Wedding March confused. Threw rice at ballgames and saluted the bride.
“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff,” Twine told him. “That was Fred’s. But it was after the band broke up. He recorded it by himself.”
Twine’s response surprised Charlie. Not only because he knew the title. But the way Twine had answered, her tone. The way she kept referring to Fred, it sounded like this Pegler guy had sat next to her in high school algebra. Passed her a love note or two.
“You remember how the song goes?” Charlie asked, probing. Unlike him, his wife could not only remember a melody, she could also carry a tune.
Twine nodded. Her eyes lost focus as she recalled the song. She started to sing in her soft clear alto and Charlie could see the lyrics as if they were printed out in front of him.
The sun burned out at noon today, But not before the world caught fire. I just turned twenty-six, But the boss said it’s time that I retire. I swore to tell the whole truth, But the judge called me a liar.
The first verse was slow and bluesy. Then Twine picked up the tempo for the chorus. Life can be a bitch, Every day a grind, No plan without a hitch, Not a truth left to find, But no matter how bad it gets, No matter how hard or tough, As long as I have you, I won’t sweat the small stuff.
Charlie was hardly a romantic, but at that moment, looking at the smile on Twine’s face, he’d have given everything he had to have written those words, to have composed that tune. Twine stopped singing, took her knife to another tomato, and said, “There’s a couple more verses, but I don’t remember the words.”
Charlie didn’t think so; he’d bet Twine knew the whole song by heart. She was dicing the Roma in time to the melody still playing in her head. He stepped up behind his wife, slipped his arms around her waist, nuzzled her neck. She stiffened. For a second, he thought she might cry, but then she relaxed and pressed her backside against him.
“I had my doubts about this Hotel Fred,” Charlie said, “but I get the feeling you might like it.” Twine’s head bobbed.
“It could be cool, Charlie.”
“I’ll call Tina right now. Tell her we’ll take it.” He kissed his wife’s neck once more, and wondered what he was getting into.
The brochure made the place look like a movie star’s mansion. Or a rock star’s, Charlie supposed. Huge. Tan stucco. Red roof tiles. Lush gardens and a swimming pool in the shape of a sea serpent. The property sat smack on an immaculate beach and the startlingly blue Caribbean Sea. Tina had sent the brochure once they confirmed their reservation. They were poring over it for the hundredth time on the flight to Cancún.
Wanting to be a sport, Charlie had sprung for first class. Twine took this gesture in stride, as if she never flew anything else. She was still marveling, however, about the hotel’s many virtues.
“Only six guest suites, Charlie. Each one situated for maximum privacy.”
“Tina says the place gets a lot of show-biz types. You’re not supposed to talk to them unless they talk to you first. You know, like British royalty.” Twine snorted.
“And Tina says all the women at the pool go topless, sometimes naked altogether.”
“I won’t worry about you, Charlie. You’re allergic to silicone.” Charlie knew surgeons also used saline implants these days, but he didn’t think it wise to inform his wife he was up on the latest techniques for breast augmentation.
“I just meant we might not get the warmest or most comfortable reception from our fellow guests,” he said.
“I think we’ll be all right, Charlie.” As if to prove Twine’s point, once past customs, they were greeted by a smiling Hawaiian giant with a dusty-rose drop-top Cadillac. Vintage 1961.
The Hawaiian’s name was Roderick T. Maui. “After the demi-god not the island,” he told them. “But everyone calls me Roddy.” He put their bags in the trunk, ushered them into the backseat, and got behind the wheel.
“Um, there’re no seatbelts back here,” Charlie said. “None up here, either,” Roddy answered. “Put your faith in Nuestra Señora.” He gestured to a statue of the Virgin Mary on the dashboard and took off. The road from the airport led to the Paseo Kukulcan and the Hotel Zone where everyone who was anyone in the hotel game had built — and built and built — along the Caribbean Sea. Across the road, bordering the Laguna de Nichupté, a string of restaurants, discos, and mini-marts knelt like vassals before their massive hotel liegelords.
Twine did her best to take in all the natural beauty and the merits, or lack thereof, of tropical oceanfront architecture. Charlie’s numerical bent, on the other hand, inclined him to try to calculate the property values. Within the first kilometer, the total was into the billions. It seemed impossible to him that even a current, chart-topping music megastar could afford to build in a place such as this. Much less one whose day had come and gone.
He said to Roddy, “You mind if I ask how any individual could afford to put up a hotel along here?” Roddy passed a red city bus that was doing 100 in a 70 kph zone. Then he glanced over his shoulder and said,
“Fred got here first.”
Fred’s hotel was approached via a gated flagstone driveway unburdened by signage of any kind. The structure itself was shielded from street view and traffic noise by a thick screen of mature plantings: palms, hibiscus, and ficus. To those not in the know, most every tourist in town, it was likely to be mistaken as a private garden belonging to one of the four-star, thousand-room behemoths to either side of it.
Roddy pulled up at the front entrance. Two smiling Mexican men, one silver-haired, one young, both wearing aloha shirts, cutoff jeans, and flip-flops, greeted the new arrivals. The older man opened the car door for Charlie and Twine; the younger one fetched their bags. Roddy introduced them respectively as Moises and Nestor. Outnumbered by hotel staff three to two now, the Parkers were escorted to their suite. Its large windows and balcony faced the pool, the beach, and the sea. The ceilings were high; the floors were polished oak. There was no television, but in the living room there was an old but lovingly burnished spinet piano. Roddy struck middle C.
“In tune,” he said. Next to the piano, on an upright stand, was a gleaming acoustic guitar. Moises picked it up, deftly ran his fingers across the strings, making minor adjustments to three of them.
“Also in tune,” Roddy said. In addition to the instruments, there was a high-end stereo system with a hundred CDs and an equal number of classic vinyl albums. “Please play your music no louder than you’d like your neighbors to play theirs,” Roddy instructed.
The tour continued with the bedroom where the bed was large enough to a land small plane. Of equally gargantuan proportions were a leather reading chair, a footstool, and a brass floor lamp. Rounding out the room was a writing desk that looked as if Dylan Thomas might have bent over it, his poetry to compose. The bathroom was also huge and featured a skylight. The fixtures were dated, but they were immaculate and both the bathtub and the separate shower stall were big enough to accommodate two people.
For all that, the suite was incomplete. The floors were bare; there was no art on the walls; there were no linens, pillows, or comforter on the bed; there were no towels, shampoo, or even soap in the bathroom.
As the one who’d had the final say in choosing the Hotel Fred, Twine felt compelled to point out these shortcomings. Roddy smiled. Moises and Nestor joined him.
“We like our guests to feel this is their home away from home,” Roddy said. “In just a minute, I’ll take you to our storage facility. You can choose the art you’d like to hang on your walls, the rugs you’d like to have under your feet. The linens, pillows, and duvet you’d prefer for your bed. The robes, towels, soap, bubble bath, and shampoo you’d enjoy in your bathroom.
“We’ve also been informed you’ll be celebrating your tenth wedding anniversary while you're with us. Congratulations.” Moises and Nestor politely applauded. “We’d be pleased to have the hotel chef provide you with a complimentary dinner. In the dining room or in your suite, as you prefer. Either way, you’ll have your choice of flowers, candles, and wine for your table.”
Twine beamed. “This is too cool, isn’t it, Charlie?”
Charlie said, “Uh-huh.” But if he’d had any musical memory at all, he would have started whistling The Hotel California. The place where you could check out but never leave.
As part of their welcome to the Fred — nobody who stayed there called it anything else, they were told, unless in deference to the native tongue it was el Fred — Charlie and Twine were given free drinks to sip at poolside while the accoutrements they’d chosen for their suite were being installed. Contrary to all the other oceanfront hotels, the Fred’s pool terrace did not look out on the ocean. A high stucco wall and more plantings blocked the view, and provided privacy for those female guests who did, indeed, choose to sunbathe topless.
At the moment, their number was two: a woman about the Parkers’ age, mid-30ish, with light brown hair, a lithe build, and breasts that appeared to be nature’s own; and a woman closer to fifty with hair a shade of red that Charlie had once seen on an old Chevy, and boobs that stuck up as if raised by tent poles.
Charlie didn’t look directly at either woman but he expected his peripheral vision would be markedly improved before this trip was over.
Twine was the one checking out both women. Both of them noticed before long. Red gave Twine a mean look, shook her head in disgust, got up and left. The younger woman only gave Twine a friendly wave, closed her eyes, and went back to absorbing solar radiation.
“Batting .500,” Charlie told his wife.
“You think I should do that?” she asked. “Get rid of my tan lines?”
“I like tan lines. The contrast is sexy.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, makes a guy aware he gets to see places nobody else does.”
“You just don’t want me going topless in public.”
“That too,” Charlie said.
Twine was in the shower prior to going downstairs to dinner.
Charlie sat in the living room holding the guitar on his lap trying to pick out a few notes. Who knew, he thought. Maybe here in this exotic place, so far from home, he could develop an unsuspected talent for music. Write a song for his wife on the occasion of their tenth wedding anniversary. Charlie was holding the guitar backward. Neither he nor the instrument was left-handed. At that point, it didn’t matter. The guitar was a prop, he was in costume, and the suite had been transformed into a movie set. Original watercolors by local artists hung on the walls. As did a genuine drawing by Picasso over the piano. And in the bedroom, by Twine’s choice, a rock concert poster had been placed over the bed, one that featured No Money Down as the opening act for the Rolling Stones.
Rugs in deep earth colors with patterns that they’d been told were Mayan now graced the floors. Twine had picked out bed linens in a pale coral and a duvet that featured some mythical bird embodying all the colors of the rainbow.
As for Charlie himself, he wore a jade green silk T-shirt, khaki sea-cotton slacks, and kid leather moccasins, sans socks of course. His ankles were a bit pale at this point but he had a week to work on his tan. Five days until his anniversary to work on his song. Looking around, he had to agree with Twine. The Fred was a cool place. He’d bet a guy could discover new things about himself here. A soft knock called his attention to the door. Moises or Nestor come to bring some new treat? Roddy had said they’d be looking after his and Twine’s needs. Or maybe it was just the maid come to turn down the bed.
Charlie went to open the door, guitar in hand. Someone new was there. A guy about his own height. Maybe twenty years older. Wavy silver hair, brushed straight back from a widow’s peak. His skin was deeply tanned and lined. He had the clearest blue eyes Charlie had ever seen. Maybe the saddest eyes, too. He was wearing the same aloha shirt, cutoffs, and flip-flops as Moises and Nestor.
“Yes?” Charlie asked.
“I’m Fred Pegler,” the guy said. “Just wanted to see how you’re settling in.” The Fred’s owner. Fred himself? Charlie was speechless.
“You play?” Fred asked, nodding at the guitar.
Charlie immediately blushed. Felt as if he was being rude, too, leaving a friend out on the front stoop. He repressed his embarrassment and said, “Please come in.” Fred stepped into the suite.
Charlie said, “Excuse me a minute.” He closed the door to the bedroom. Lest Twine make her entrance in the buff. Turning back to Fred, he added, “No, I don’t play. But it’s so beautiful I just had to pick it up.”
Fred smiled.
“There are lots of them like that. You fall in love at first sight. Then you hear the music you can make together and you think it’ll never end. May I?” Charlie gave the guitar to Fred. He sat in an easy chair, checked the tuning, tweaked it a bit, and began to pluck the strings as he moved smoothly from chord to chord. The sound was rich and clear. It became sweet and heart wrenching. A tune as beautifully sad as Fred’s eyes.
For an anxious moment, Charlie wondered if he was hearing a classic. Something a normal person would recognize immediately and say to Fred, “Man, I can’t tell you all the times I listened to that song.”
Then he thought, screw it. Just sat down and let the music claim him. When Fred finished he gave a small nod, as if he’d finally gotten the piece right. For Charlie, though, the melody was already disappearing from his mind. His face clouded.
“Something wrong?” Fred asked.
“I have musical Alzheimer’s,” Charlie said, and explained himself.
“My sympathies.”
“Why’d you stop?” Charlie asked. “Composing and recording, I mean.”
Fred shrugged, casually cradling the guitar as if it were a small child.
“I’m a junkie. Been in recovery a long time. But go back to the music scene? No way I’m strong enough for that. Never will be.”
“How about the song you just played? You ever tape it strictly for yourself?”
Fred shook his head. Saw Charlie was clearly disappointed.
“You liked it that much?” he asked. Charlie nodded.
“Tell you what. You’re here a week. I’ll see if I can teach you to play it. Maybe that way you’ll be able to hold onto it. We’ll start tomorrow.” Fred got up and handed the guitar back to Charlie.
“Glad you and your wife could come visit.”
“Yeah, we’re glad, too.”
Fred left. A moment later, Twine opened the door to the bedroom. She had one towel wrapped around her hair and another around her body.
“Did I hear you talking to someone?” she asked.
“Fred Pegler dropped by to say hello.”
“He did? And I missed him?” Her face crumpled. “Did he say anything else?”
“Yeah. He offered to give me music lessons.”
The woman behind Fred’s bar was a deeply tanned platinum blonde. Like all the other staff — and the hotel’s owner — she wore a flowerered shirt and cutoffs. Unlike the others, she went barefoot. Other than the crow’s feet at the corners of her eyes she struck the image of a well preserved hippie chick. She said her name was Hannah and she came from Minneapolis. When she brought drinks to the Parkers’ table, Hannah gave Charlie a folded slip of paper and said, “Almost forgot. Fred asked me to give that to you if you came in.”
“Thanks,” Charlie said. He stuck the message into a pocket, unread. Twine waited until Hannah left before ordering her husband,
“Read the note. Tell me what it says.” After almost ten years together, Charlie never would have guessed his wife was star-struck. Up till now there had been no sign of it. Having been revealed, it was beginning to bug him. He pulled Fred’s message out of his pocket and passed it to Twine. She unfolded the piece of paper and her eyes danced across the words.
Twine looked up at her husband. “Fred’s inviting you to his apartment, here in the hotel, tomorrow morning at ten, if that’s not too early.”
“Not for me,” Charlie said.
“He says he’ll start you out with a 30-minute lesson. Bring the guitar from our suite.”
“I can do that.” Twine put her hand over Charlie’s and squeezed a little too hard.
“Charlie, you’ve got to take me with you, introduce me to Fred.” Charlie gave her a look, then said, “Okay ... if you promise not to faint.” Twine got the point. Removed her hand. Sat back.
Just then the two women who’d sunbathed topless that afternoon entered the bar, dressed for the evening. Charlie hadn’t caught it at the pool but now it was clear they were a couple. Red pointedly ignored the Parkers, but the younger woman gave them a smile. And a wink. Before they could discuss what that meant, the maitre d’ entered from the dining room. He told Charlie and Twine their dinner would be served momentarily. Please bring their drinks along.
“So you like numbers?” Fred asked the next morning.
“Always have,” Charlie said. “Ever since I was a kid.”
“But you never took music lessons.”
“Unh-uh. My sister, Delia, was the one who got the piano lessons in my family. When I said I’d rather go out and play ball, my dad let me. Said he wasn’t going to shell out money just to make both of us unhappy. Delia wanted the lessons, so she got them.” Fred nodded.
“Your sister still play?”
“Any time there’s a party and a piano.” Fred smiled as if he knew a secret. “She likes to get the party going ... and after a drink or two her playing improves.”
“Yeah,” Charlie said.
“But a couple more drinks and her playing gets sloppy.”
“No, after the first two, her husband cuts her off.” “Good for him. How about you, you drink, Charlie?”
“No more than one drink per meal, only occasionally at lunch, hardly ever at breakfast.” He looked over at Twine and was pleased to see a grin on her face. Last night, they’d returned to their suite, brushed their teeth, and gone straight to sleep. Hardly the romantic beginning to their trip that Charlie had imagined. That morning, they had been polite enough to set other’s teeth on edge. Far too polite to get sweaty and conjugal. Charlie was annoyed because, having thought about it, he’d have liked to keep his lessons with Fred a secret. Make whatever progress he could and then surprise Twine with his playing. Couldn’t do that now, though. Still, the two of them appreciated the warm reception everyone at the Fred had given them, and they weren’t about to be rude. They showed up at Fred’s apartment on time and wearing smiles. Charlie introduced Fred to Twine and asked if it would be okay if she watched him torture Fred’s guitar. Fred shook Twine’s hand, said he was pleased to meet her, and personally served her a bottle of sparkling water. “So you’re a steady guy who loves numbers and whose knowledge of music is zilch,” Fred summed up to Charlie. “Exactly.” “Well, Charlie, my man, you’re in luck, because between notation, tempo, and the business end of things, music is almost nothing but numbers.” Charlie smiled and the lesson began. It went far better than he’d ever expected. He understood almost intuitively the music theory Fred laid on him, and much to his surprise he had a high degree of manual dexterity. He could form chords without too much difficulty and once the counting pattern clicked into his head, he got the hang of finger picking almost as quickly. The thirty-minute lesson flew by, and he was hungry for more. But he remembered his manners, stood up, and shook Fred’s hand. Now, he felt like going back to the suite, practicing a little more, and then getting sweaty with his wife. But Twine had a question for him. And one for Fred. “Charlie, would you mind if I stayed a few minutes and talked with Fred? Fred, would that be all right with you?” Fred didn’t say a word. Just looked at Charlie to see if it was cool. Charlie said, “Sure. You can catch up with me down at the beach.” He didn’t want to practice or get sweaty anymore. The Fred had a dozen thickly padded lounge chairs set out on the beach. Each pair of them shared a dark blue umbrella and a small circular table. Charlie had his pick. The Fred’s guests, evidently, liked to catch their rays near the pool, behind the garden wall. Charlie kicked off his Fred-provided flip-flops, peeled off his T-shirt, and dropped it on the nearest chair. He left his sunglasses and bottle of Coppertone on the table. A yellow flag was waving on the beach as he ran across the sand. He remembered from his tourist guide that yellow meant caution. Water conditions might be marginal. He wasn’t a strong swimmer, but he plunged into the sea. The Caribbean was surprisingly cool, and he got a mouthful of saltwater. A freshwater kid growing up, the salt took him by surprise. He spat the water out and looked around. A handful of other bathers were splashing and playing games up and down the beach, but not nearly as many as he would have expected. No one was within fifty yards of him. A steady procession of waves rolled shoreward. Maybe four-to-five feet high. Not big if you’d spent your life swimming in the ocean but plenty big for him. The force of the first wave that struck him almost knocked him off his feet. But that one caught him broadside. He turned sideways to the next wave and more or less knifed through it. He enjoyed both the physical sensation of the water rushing past and that fact that he’d quickly learned to cope, at least a little, with this force of nature. Soon he was diving over the waves, trying to time his leaps and plunges to the very last second before the wave would smash into him. When he tired of that he tried to bodysurf the waves. Again, timing was critical, starting to paddle toward the beach just as the wave lifted you so you could ride it as far as possible. He wound up being dunked more than once, but soon his timing improved and he got some good rides. It was a hoot. Like a roller coaster and a magic carpet ride rolled into one. And, man, what a workout. He’d never have thought playing in the water could be so tiring. His legs were getting wobbly and it seemed like the backflow, the waves returning to the sea, was getting stronger. Maybe it was time to head for a lounge chair. Down the beach, he heard a whistle blow. He turned to look and saw a lifeguard from one of the big hotels waving swimmers ashore, and the flag posted on the sand was now red. With his back to the sea, a wave caught Charlie when he wasn’t looking. It knocked him off his feet and hurled him toward the beach. Before he could stand up, though, it pulled him under and back out. He panicked. He felt as if he was being swept away. The word riptide popped into his head and his heart turned to ice. He’d be carried out to sea, way too far for his meager swimming abilities to return him to land. Nobody would notice he was gone and he would drown. Of course, if he didn’t get his head above the surface right away, he’d drown sooner rather than later. He stroked as hard as he could, hoping he was moving in the direction of the sky and not the sandy bottom. Growing desperate, he wondered why, with all its other amenities, the Fred didn’t have a goddamn lifeguard of its own. He broke the surface in a trough between waves, managed to gulp enough air to refill his lungs, and then was smashed under again by the next wave. But this time somebody grabbed his wrist. And then there was an arm under his chin and he was being towed to shore by a far stronger swimmer than he was. The Fred did have a lifeguard. A female lifeguard. If he wasn’t mistaken, he was feeling bare breasts against his back. Ah, well, just another of the little extras that made a stay at the Fred such a treat. But when they got close enough to the beach to stand without worry of being reclaimed by the deep, Charlie saw that he’d been saved not by an employee of the hotel but by another of the guests: the brunette who’d been by the pool yesterday and in the bar last night. She looked at herself and said, “Well, hell, do a good deed and lose half your bikini.” Before Charlie could respond, she crossed the beach and took the lounge chair next to the one he’d staked out. She lay down on her stomach and as Charlie approached he could see her breathing was already returning to normal. More than he could say for himself. He sat on his chair and stared at her. She felt the weight of his eyes and said, “I came out and saw you in the water. You looked a little rubber-legged out there. Then the whistle blew, the wave hit you, and away you went.” Figuring he knew the rest, she picked up his bottle of sunscreen and handed it to him. “Do my back and legs, will you?” Owing the woman his life, how could he say no? As his hand touched her back, she told him, “I’m Jenny. From L.A.” “One time, I jumped on a plane so see you in L.A.,” Twine told Fred. “You mean in concert?” Fred asked. He sat in a big easy chair, still holding the guitar he’d used for his lesson with Charlie. Only now, it separated Fred from Twine like one of those fences Robert Frost said made good neighbors. “No, you’d stopped touring by then,” Twine said. “I was just trying to meet you. To tell you how much I loved you. That and the fact you had saved my life.” With grave suspicion, Fred asked, “How’d I do that?” “You released Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.” “And that did it?” By way of an answer, Twine began to sing. One of the verses she hadn’t sung for Charlie. I almost died the day you left, Didn’t know which way to turn, I felt so damn bereft, My soul began to burn But by that fire’s light, I saw it clear enough, The love you gave to me endures, I’ll never sweat the small stuff. Fred looked sadder than ever now. “You have a nice voice,” he said. “I was sure you wrote that song for me,” Twine said. Fred shook his head. “The girl I wrote that song for didn’t make it.” Twine had been on her feet, shuffling nervously in front of him as she made her confession. Now, she sank to her knees, like an acolyte before her guru. She reached up, and he took the hand she offered. Held it gently. “We had a plan, Lucy and me,” he told Twine. “We were both going to come down here and get clean. Then we’d get married on the beach. Live out our lives high on each other. Take joy from looking at all that pretty blue water out there. Only Lucy never met the plane that morning. I wanted to go find her, but Roddy clocked me, and the last flight out left on time. He had people look for her back in L.A., but they didn’t find her. A janitor cleaning the ladies room at a highway rest-stop did.” He gave Twine’s hand a squeeze, then let it go. “So what’s your sob story, sister?” Twine leaned back on her heels. “I got pregnant at 16 by a guy my dad warned me against. The guy left, proving my dad right. Then my dad, a cop, got killed chasing some moron who’d robbed a 7-Eleven. Right after that I lost the baby, and then the jerk who knocked me up came back.” “You didn’t ...” Fred didn’t finish the question. “Go back to him? I broke his nose with a Coke bottle.” Fred laughed. It was the first time Twine had seen him look happy, and she was glad she’d been able to put a smile on his face. “Yeah,” she said, “I thought my dad would have liked that, too. But I didn’t know if that one ray of sunshine was enough to keep me going. Then your song came out on the radio. I couldn’t get enough of it. It made me think my dad’s love endured in me. So I wasn’t going to sweat the small stuff, either. “When I turned 18, that’s when I flew out to L.A. I had to tell you how much your song meant to me, how much I loved you. But you’d disappeared; nobody knew where you went. One guy even told me you were dead and your estate had released the song.” “Not dead, but in need of some money. I’d recorded that song with just me and the engineer in the studio. Then I put it away for years. It about killed me to turn a buck off it. But the money went for a good cause ... and if it helped you, too, that’s nice to know.” Fred fell silent for a time, maybe thinking about Lucy. Then he asked Twine, “Charlie know any of that stuff you told me?” “Your wife has Margo worried,” Jenny from L.A. told Charlie. “Who?” “She is your wife, isn’t she? You’re wearing a ring and so was she. Of course, you could both be married but to other people.” Jenny propped herself up, giving him a peek at her boobs. “Yes, we’re married,” Charlie said. “To each other.” “That’s what I thought.” She lay back down, but looked up at him. “Margo is my friend with the red hair. She’s a pretty big talent agent back in L.A. She’s also worried your wife wants to put the moves on me.” “Twine’s not like that.” “Twine?” “Antoinette.” “Oh. Well, she was looking us over pretty good the other day. I don’t mind, but Margo kind of freaked. Me stepping out on Margo here wouldn’t be part of our arrangement.” Charlie couldn’t resist. “What exactly is your arrangement?” “Well, I live at Margo’s house. Eat her food. Drive one of her cars. Saves me a lot of money, if you know the cost of living in Los Angeles. I’ve been able to save almost everything I’ve earned the past five years.” Jenny smiled brightly. “My accountant told me last month I’ve officially become a millionaire.” Charlie goggled. “What do you do?” “I’m a model, but not the usual kind.” “Um, what other kind is there?” “I model body parts: hands, feet, legs, tushie, abdomen, cleavage, arms, shoulders. Do some body-double work for films, too.” “What about your face? You’re really pretty.” Jenny smiled at him again. “Thanks. But, no, I only show my face off-camera.” Charlie lay back on his chair. “Well, I’m glad I got to see it, especially when I was going down the second time.” Jenny propped herself up again and looked down on Charlie. “Margo’s mad at you, too,” she said. “Me? Why?” “Because of the suite Fred gave you. She wanted it. She says it’s nicer than ours. The last guest who had it was a bigshot producer, a guy who works both movies and the Broadway stage. But Fred tossed his ass out and gave the suite to you. Margo was hoping she’d get it.” Charlie said, “I think I’d be happy with a fold-out sofa here.” Jenny lay back down, making it easier for Charlie to look at her face. “Me, too,” she said. “But not Margo. Anyway, back to our arrangement. Back home, we allow each other some latitude. I’m bisexual by nature. Margo’s bi by professional necessity. But when we travel we’re supposed to be true to each other, you know?” “Sounds reasonable,” Charlie said. “But now Margo said I should see if you’d be interested in a threesome with her and me.” “What?” Charlie sat up, looked down at Jenny, waited to see if he’d heard her right. “It’s her way of getting back at your wife. Teach her not to mess with other people’s honeys. That and she wants to get into your suite any way she can.” “Jesus,” Charlie said. “She’s going to be bitchy if I tell her you said no,” Jenny told him. “And you might want to be a little grateful to me for saving your life. So at least think about it, okay?” Charlie went back to his suite, showered, and slipped on a pair of faded cocoa shorts and a navy blue T-shirt that said Daily Planet across the chest. He picked up the suite’s guitar, sat in the living room’s easy chair, and reflected on his day thus far. He’d been given a music lesson by a rock star; gotten pissed off at Twine for both horning in on his lesson and then staying behind with the rock star; almost drowned; been rescued by an attractive woman who’d been topless two out of the three times he’d seen her; and had been propositioned, for ulterior motives, to commit an act of infidelity he’d never entertained even in his fantasies. At least with anyone who looked like Margo. He couldn’t remember another vacation quite like it. Welcome to the Fred. He’d told Jenny regretfully he’d have to decline her offer. No offense, but there was no way in the world he was ever going to share a bed with Margo. He did offer to buy Jenny a new bikini, though, said she should get whatever she liked and he’d reimburse her. Jenny had been a good sport. Gave him a peck on the cheek and said, “If she gets too nasty maybe I won’t sleep with her anymore either. After all, I have a million dollars — even if that really isn’t a lot of money where I live.” Charlie began to practice the song Fred was teaching him. Having mentally converted the melody into a series of numbers, he had no trouble remembering it. He played until the fingertips of his left hand got sore. Then he pushed through the pain and practiced until they throbbed. Anything to try to take his mind off the fact that he’d left Twine with Fred that morning and she still hadn’t returned to their suite. Well, hell, he thought, it wouldn’t be like he was the first guy who lost his wife to a big — The door to the suite opened and Twine walked in, looking as if she’d been crying. There was still a sheen of moisture on her eyes, and her chin was quivering. Not from a wound she’d received, but from a heartbreak she was about to inflict. Charlie’s heart sank. The news she had for him, he was sure, had to be bad. It would go something like: He and Twine weren’t going to have an eleventh anniversary. She was leaving him and would be staying at the Fred permanently. The new Mrs. Pegler. Twine closed the door and crossed the living room. She took the guitar from him and laid it on the adjacent sofa. She sat on Charlie’s lap and put her arms around him. Tears fell hot against the back of his neck. Oh, God, he thought, here it comes. And Twine said, “I’ve been with Fred, just came from his place this minute.” If Charlie could have moved, he would have dumped her on the floor. If he’d retained the power to speak, he would have screamed at her. But at that critical moment, the only semblance of animation about him was the quivering in his tortured fingertips. “It was like nothing I’d ever done before,” she said. That did it. He definitely didn’t want to hear the details. He slipped out from under her. “I don’t want to know,” he said. He started to go, planning to pack his suitcase and buy a seat on the first plane leaving for anywhere. But Twine caught his wrist, just like Jenny had. He looked back at her. “Oh, Charlie,” Twine said. “I wasn’t with Fred like that. We didn’t have sex.” His relief was immense. He moved the guitar and plopped down on the sofa. “It was much deeper than sex,” she said. “What?” Charlie demanded, “What’s deeper than sex?” “Friendship, Charlie. Today, Fred and I became friends. Talked for a long time. Bared our souls. And then I told Fred I knew all the words to every song he ever released. He didn’t believe me. So I proved it. He played all his songs and I sang them, every one. It was too much. Like a dream come true.” Charlie could understand that. Fred had shared just thirty minutes of his magic with him and he’d felt its power. It must have been a far more, what ... captivating experience for Twine to spend most of the day with Fred. Singing with him. So even if she hadn’t slept with Fred ... had he lost her anyway? She seemed to confirm his fear. “I told Fred something today I never told you.” “Do I want to know?” Charlie asked. “I think you should.” She told Charlie the story about getting pregnant, how she’d felt guilty about her dad dying, and how depressed she’d been until Fred’s song came out. “It saved my life, Charlie. Fred saved my life. He really did, and I never got the chance to thank him until today.” Charlie sat back, gave his wife’s words a good deal of thought. “It’s important to thank someone who saves your life?” Charlie asked. “Yes, it is.” Charlie told her what had happened to him that day. And how he’d been asked to repay his debt. Twine frowned, did some deep thinking of her own. “Jenny, all right, if you want to, and tell her thanks for me,” she said. “But not Margo, okay?” Charlie and Twine flew home on the Fred’s private jet. Over the course of the week, Charlie had continued to make remarkable progress with his musical education. Once he understood the mathematical underpinnings of the art form, it was really pretty easy. On the night of the Parkers’ anniversary, Twine and Fred sang a duet of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in the hotel’s dining room, Fred’s first public performance in decades. Charlie sat front row, center. Roddy got it down on digital video. Fred lent Charlie the guitar from the suite, said he could bring it back the next time he and Twine came to visit. Their suite would be ready for them. Charlie stuck to his original bargain with Jenny. Bought her a new bikini. Though where she found one that cost $1,500, he’d never know. Maybe L.A. To entertain themselves on the flight home, Twine sang Fred’s songbook from memory, and Charlie tried to pick out the music by ear. That was pretty ambitious even for someone who was making a fast start, and many of his attempts went hilariously wrong. But as they made their approach for landing, on Twine’s third rendition of what they now considered their song, Charlie got it right. Accompanying his wife on the last two lines of the final verse. The love you gave to me endures, I’ll never sweat the small stuff.

CLICK HERE TO READ EXCERPTS AND BUY THE LATEST NOVEL FROM BEST-SELLING AUTHOR JOSEPH FLYNN
DIGGER- A mystery cloaked as cleverly as, and perhaps better than any JOHN GRISHAM book-DENVER POST
"Flynn [is] a master of high-octane plotting."
— CHICAGO TRIBUNE
"An excellent storyteller with a well-tuned ear for dialogue and a gift for creating memorable characters placed in believable settings"-BOOKLIST
"[The Next President is a] tough, stylish tale … [Flynn] propels his plot with potent but flexible force, using just the right mix of pressure and release to maintain suspense deep into the story."
— PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
"Readers raved about [The Next President] …cat and mouse suspense … full of twists … a well-written, timely thriller. Highest marks."
— BARNES & NOBLE Guide to Fiction
"[Digger is a] deftly mapped thriller. Page-turner of the week."
— PEOPLE MAGAZINE
The Devil sat at Penman’s place at the bar. Forty-five feet of gleaming mahogany, a couple dozen empty barstools to choose from, not another drinker in the joint, and the sonofabitch had taken Penman’s favorite spot. The far corner where most of the light came from the exit sign above the back door.
It was the only place in town Penman could write his thrice-weekly column for the Great Metropolitan Daily. Penman had written for newspapers for 30 years, up and down both coasts and in a lot of burgs in between. He’d worked for journals with circulations of more than a million and rags that were little better than shopping mall throwaways. He’d called them all the Great Metropolitan Daily.
At the moment, his roller coaster was at the crest of another hill. Maybe his last view of the world from on high. Which was all right with him. For the first time in decades, he didn’t owe a cent of alimony, and a liver transplant had saved his life.
He felt a little guilty about the transplant. His old liver had been done in by a Niagara of booze; he’d gone over the falls in barrels of scotch too many times to remember. His new organ came courtesy of a 29-year-old Sunday school teacher who’d made the mistake of stopping at a tollbooth in front of an 18-wheeler whose brakes failed. The bereaved widower had visited Penman in the hospital. He’d told him what a wonderful woman his wife had been, and how Penman should try to live up to having her liver.
At almost any other time in his life, Penman would have told the guy to fuck off. Possession was 9/10ths of the law and the liver was his now. To do with as he damn well pleased. For some reason, though, he hadn’t spouted. He’d only mumbled, “Thanks. Do my best.” Adding a moment later, “Sorry for your loss.”
He told himself that lapse was due to being dopey from the anesthesia.
Now, six months later, he worried that the Sunday school teacher’s liver had infected him — with a regard for the future and other people’s feelings. He couldn’t bring himself to drink anything but water: club soda here at Rick’s on the River, straight out of the tap anywhere else. If this got out, he’d be ruined.
Sobriety did have its benefits, however. He was saving a greater portion of his income than he ever would have believed possible. It looked like he might not wind up on a street corner holding a cup and a sign. Help me. If I can take the big fall, so can you.
His new sense of sweetness and light extended only so far. Penman stood behind the guy who’d usurped his rightful place at the bar. He was now close enough, and intentionally so, to breathe down the creep’s neck.
He was ready for a confrontation, if need be. Penman, like William “The Refrigerator” Perry, had been big since he was little. And all the clean living had made him feel stronger than he had in years. So vital, in fact, he’d even rediscovered his sex drive. Sans Viagra. Which might be a mixed blessing.
“Hey,” Penman said.
“Just warming your seat, friend.”
The guy slid one stool to his left, not even looking at Penman.
Who still wasn’t satisfied. He liked his elbow room.
As if the guy knew, he moved over one more place.
Still hadn’t looked at Penman, though.
Marty, the bartender who worked what Penman had dubbed “The Morning Midlife-Crisis Hour,” brought him his bottle of Calistoga and a glass with ice and a twist of lime. On his way back to reading his newspaper opposite the cash register at the center of the bar, Marty asked the guy who’d been “warming” Penman’s seat if he wanted another. The guy shook his head. He gave Marty a twenty and told him to keep the change.
Big shot.
Penman sat down and jumped right back up again.
Felt like he’d plunked his ass onto a bed of white-hot coals. He stared at the bar stool to see what kind of trick had been played on him. Damn thing looked perfectly normal. He extended his hand, keeping it several inches above the seat. Even so, he could still feel the heat. So how could ...
He turned to look at the joker who’d been sitting there.
The guy was looking back at him now. Wearing a hand-tailored suit. Jet black hair combed back. Eyes so dark Penman couldn’t distinguish pupil from iris. A red glow to his skin like he’d gotten too much sun. Clean shaven except for a spiky tuft of hair under his lower lip. A soul patch.
The guy gave him a grin and said, “It’ll cool off in a bit.”
“Yeah” Penman asked. “So what’s with you, your ass on fire?”
The guy liked that one. Grinned wider. Penman caught a flash of teeth. Very white but — Jesus — had they all been filed to points?
That was when the guy told him, “I like heat: I’m the devil.”
Penman wanted to crack wise, but just like that time in the hospital with the widower, his natural instincts failed him. He couldn’t get a word out. Maybe because he believed the guy.
“You can sit down now,” the devil told him. Penman took him at his word. Sat right down. The seat was still warm but comfortably so. No, better than that. Pleasurably so. His ass startled to tingle. His balls, too.
“A little heat’s nice, isn’t it?” the devil asked.
Penman wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction.
“What do you want?” he asked.
“Come on. You know the answer to that.”
“Maybe. But I like a direct answer.”
“Going to make me work for it,” the devil said. Penman nodded.
“Okay. I stopped by to see if you’d like to sell your soul.”
Penman laughed.
“No, really,” the devil said. “The usual deal: I get your soul; you get anything you want. Anything at all.”
Penman poured his Calistoga into his glass, listened to the ice crack as the water hit it. He stirred his drink with a finger. He figured even with the new liver alcohol would continue to leach out of his body for years. If he recycled a bit of it into the sparkling water, he could honestly say he’d stepped into Rick’s for a mixed drink. He sucked his finger clean and looked at the devil.
“I always figured you’d wind up with my soul anyway. The times I was ready to concede the existence of God and the devil.”
“Oh, we’re very real,” the devil assured him.
“I can see you are. But what’s your problem, you’re worried about losing me?”
The devil shrugged. “Until recently, I figured you for a sure thing.”
“I don’t doubt it,”Penman said. He remembered his first wife damning him to hell on a daily basis, but he thought he knew what the devil was getting at. “It’s the liver transplant, isn’t it? It’s having an effect.”
“I’m afraid so. That particular organ donor is causing me no end of trouble. I hate to lose what I already consider mine.”
Penman asked, “You don’t think I’ll backslide?”
“Why take a chance?”
Penman took a swig of his drink. When he’d first ordered a glass of water in a bar he’d felt emasculated. And the taste! Lord, W.C. Fields had it right. The stuff was fit only for bathing, and that just barely. But he soon found that his balls were not only still present and accounted for, but as mentioned they were making him friskier than he’d been in years. Not only that, he was actually starting to like the taste of the swill.
“Well, the way I see it,” Penman told the devil, “you’ve got two problems.”
“Anything you want,” the devil reminded him. “Nothing’s out of reach.”
“That’s problem number one. I’ve already indulged every vice that used to interest me. To excess. Which, I’ll admit, is the way to indulge a vice. But now I look back on what I used to do and it bores the hell out of me, you should pardon the expression. But that’s not even the big problem.”
“What is?”
“Come on. You know the answer to that.”
Penman enjoyed throwing the devil’s words back at him.
“But you answered my question,” he continued, “so I’ll answer yours. The main reason I’d never make a deal with you is you’re a loser. The all-time loser. You were God’s right-hand man. Well, angel. And now look at you. Reduced to hustling souls in gin joints. If I let you sucker me, what kind of schmuck am I?”
The devil didn’t take offense.
Getting up to go, he said, “We’ll just have to see.”
Penman finished his column: 450 words on why the public shouldn’t object to the mayor’s daughter marrying the son of the local crime boss, the gist being the two fathers had been in bed together for years, so why shouldn’t the kids have their fun, too?
Marty brought Penman a corned beef sandwich as soon as he saw the scribe had stopped writing. Before Penman could take a bite, his editorial assistant, Kelly, sat down next to him and swiped his pickle. Looked him right in the eye, gave him her crooked grin, and dared him to object. When he didn’t, she opened wide and halved the pickle with a loud crunch.
Penman observed her teeth as she chewed. Cosmetically white with perfect occlusion. The product of the latest high-tech dental polish and orthodontia paid for by many hours of paternal overtime.
He was mildly relieved to see that Kelly’s teeth hadn’t all been filed to points.
He was still debating with himself whether his encounter with the devil had been real or some kind of recovering-alcoholic delirium. Really now, why would the devil want to buy his soul? Penman couldn’t believe that six months of relative probity was enough to earn salvation after a lifetime of debauchery. He supposed that he could check the seat of his pants for scorch marks, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know that badly.
Kelly finished the pickle and grabbed half of his sandwich. She gestured to him to hand over his handwritten column. Among her various talents was the ability to read Penman’s scribble. It was a necessary skill as Kelly was the one who transcribed his chicken-scratches into type and sent it along to his editor. Not that anyone actually edited Penman. There had been those who’d tried, of course, but they’d been the cretins who had caused all the fist fights in the newsroom, criminal hearings in the courtroom, and the inevitable dismissals or resignations that followed.
Even Kelly, hard-charger that she was, knew better than to change so much as a punctuation mark in one of his pieces. Her complete acceptance of his work was one of her charms. As was the fact that she usually got what he had to say; not everybody did. Right now, for instance, she was smiling and bobbing her head as she read. She stopped long enough to give Marty a wink as he brought her a sandwich and a beer.
Penman had never been much of a beer drinker. He’d always made enough dough to afford real alcohol, the hard stuff. But, post-transplant, he’d become fascinated by Kelly’s brews. The golden color, the creamy white head, the pleasingly bitter aroma. He could almost taste it.
He stuck his finger back into his sparkling water.
Kelly didn’t seem to have a drinking problem. She had just one beer with lunch, and one more after work. Never had another beer, or anything else, at one sitting. Even if she had a beer with breakfast, a meal he’d never shared with her, that’d make only three per day — separated by hours of abstinence. Which meant she never drank to get drunk, or even enjoy a mild buzz. He was glad she didn’t have his problem.
You just couldn’t count on a Sunday school teacher being there to give up her liver for you.
Still reading, Kelly put half of her sandwich on his plate. Compensation for what she’d filched. Only she’d stolen corned beef and repaid him with ... liverwurst. Rick’s hadn’t even offered that crap until Kelly browbeat them into making it specially for her. On pumpernickel yet. She knew that Penman would never eat the offering, and in a few minutes she’d take it back and wolf it down. She never offered him her pickle.
Kelly reminded him of one of his wives. He couldn’t remember if it was number three or four. Anyway, the two of them were world-beaters. He was sure that Kelly would end up running, if not outright owning, some major publication. He could see himself in his dotage working for her, if only to bring her a sandwich and a beer.
In the meantime, he could enjoy watching her climb to the top of the journalistic food-chain, devouring the slower, weaker animals on the savanna.
Of course, he’d have to dwell on the professional aspects of their relationship, avoid focusing on her obvious physical charms: face and figure both. After all, she was young enough to be his daughter, and for the first time in his life that was actually starting to matter to him. Damn that transplant! It was probably for the best, though. Wife number three or four had reamed him for more alimony than any of the others, and he was sure Kelly could outclass her without breaking a sweat.
Penman knocked back a slug of sparkling water and finger sludge.
Kelly looked up from her reading and smiled at him.
Then she downed her beer like a frat-boy in a chug-a-lug contest.
“You can really write for an old man,” she told Penman. “When I grow up, I want to be just like you. Except for the hairy back and shoulders, the receding hairline, and ... Well, I’d like to write just like you.”
She gave him a wink, grabbed the uneaten half of her liverwurst sandwich, and took the column with her for the walk back to the office.
Penman watched her go, admiring her rear view as she left Rick’s and her profile as she passed by the front window. He thought maybe Kelly would be worth a boatload of alimony.
That confounding thought was driven from his mind a moment later when he saw the devil follow close in Kelly’s footsteps.
And the satanic SOB turned to look at Penman as he went by.
Look and give him a wink.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kelly demanded.
Penman was writing his next column the next day and he was surprised that she’d interrupted him. Interrupting was the only sin worse than editing in Penman’s world.
He glared at Kelly, trusting that would be enough to quiet her.
Instead, she put her hand on his arm and said, “About the devil, I mean.”
Penman would have told her to shut up ... except her hand was warm. More than 98.6 degrees warm. Her hair was mussed, too. Penman was alert enough to fashion trends to know that some young women adopted an intentionally disheveled look, but Kelly was not one of them. Or hadn’t been. And now her eyes were different, too. The look in them was one he dimly remembered from his youth, when desire had nothing to do with money, power, or career climbing, only pure carnal need. The fact that she was directing such a look at him was more than a little distracting.
He took her hand off his arm and said, “Gimme a minute, okay?”
The irony here was the subject of that day’s column: a city vice cop had gone into business as a tour guide for visiting Asian businessmen who longed to experience the town’s finer fleshpots. The copper guaranteed a good time: clean girls and nobody pulling any scams or rip-offs on them. He’d been knocking down a quarter-mil a year when —
Kelly ran her fingernails up the inside of Penman’s thigh.
He almost yelped. But biting his tongue, he jotted down the final sentence of his column. After being arrested, the vice cop jumped bail and disappeared, but undoubtedly his inspired idea lived on and horny business travelers could sleep easy when they came to town, even when their sleeping companions charged a small fortune for their affections.
Penman put his pen down and looked Kelly in the eye.
She seemed ready to jump him right there. Marty was gentleman enough to look the other way, but there was no telling if someone else might stop in for an early belt.
Besides that, Penman had a concern even more serious than being caught with his pants down. He said to Kelly, “Please tell me you didn’t ...”
She laughed. About an octave lower than she used to.
Penman didn’t like that at all.
“Sell my soul? Am I that dumb? You should know better.”
Penman asked for a direct answer.
“No, I didn’t sell my soul,” Kelly told him. “I’m just messing with his head.”
“You’re messing with the devil’s head?” <[>“Uh-huh.”
He didn’t smell any booze on her, but she had to be drunk.
“He’s giving me freebies. Little tastes of what he can do. No obligation.”
Marty brought sandwiches for both of them, caught the vibe, and didn’t linger.
“I ever tell you how I paid for college?” Penman asked her.
“Writing term papers?” Penman grinned. “I thought of that but it was too much work. I played cards. Poker. Draw, stud, hold’em: I didn’t care. I won at all of them. I made enough to pay my tuition, buy a car, get loaded every weekend, even rent a pretty nice apartment.”
“So why go into the news racket? Why not just play cards?”
“I tried. I went to Vegas and lost every cent. I was hell on college boys, but the pros were hell on me. You get what I’m saying?”
Kelly laughed her new scary laugh again.
“I can take care of myself, old man.” She leaned close and whispered, “I could take care of you, too. Right now if you want to sneak into the men’s room with me.”
She wasn’t going to listen, he thought. She’d get conned. Lose her soul. Seeing that would break his heart. But there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
Well, there was one thing.
Penman said, “Kelly, you’re fired.”
Kelly did it. Sold her soul. Only thing was, Penman should have known what she’d get from the devil in return. He should have, but he didn’t see it coming. Even after she’d told him she wanted to be just like him.
She went across the street to the number two paper in town, the Not-So-Great Metropolitan Daily. The punk paper was a tabloid. Sleazeball foreign ownership. Half the circulation of Penman’s journal. Hired scribes who couldn’t write their way out of a freshman composition course.
Within a month, Kelly’s new column cut the tabloid’s circulation deficit by two-thirds. Her initial employment contract was torn up and her new salary was reported by the tabloid’s celebrity columnist. It was twice the money Penman had made in his best year. Beyond that, Kelly had signed to do monthly pieces for a TV news show.
This meteoric ascent was propelled by what Penman had to admit was some very sharp writing. Five days a week. But it made Penman think of ball players who hit a ton of home runs and then refused to undergo steroid testing. Still, what could he do? Insist Kelly pee in a cup and test her specimen for brimstone?
Penman was facing tough competition but he didn’t give in. He reported with more energy and ingenuity than at any time since his first liver was fresh and young. Every time Kelly unearthed a scandal, Penman topped it. When Kelly reported that the head of the city council was taking bribes from real estate developers for zoning variances, Penman revealed that the middle-aged pol’s mommy still spanked his bare bottom, at sonny-boy’s request.
But Penman knew that he couldn’t compete over the long haul. He was only a man, not the Prince of Darkness. It broke his heart what Kelly had done to herself. He’d been wrong about not having to witness the whole sad show, too. She made a point of writing her column at Rick’s just the way he did, taking the stool at the opposite end of the bar.
Her posse came along with her, of course. A gaggle of sycophants hanging on her every word, keeping all the horny guys away. Most of the time. Every once in a while, Kelly would pick one out of the pack, let him draw near, exchange a few salacious words, and even swap a little spit. The first time it had happened, Penman had actually witnessed the disgusting exchange. After which Kelly had favored him with a wink. Just like the devil had. From then on, he made a point of keeping his head down, trying to concentrate on his work. He still had to listen to the titters and wolf howls coming from the other end of the bar, though.
It was enough to drive a man back to the bottle.
Only Penman refused to give in. He took strength from his Sunday-school-teacher liver. Maybe she was even the one who inspired him, gave him the courage, to try the craziest idea of his life. He raised his hand and gestured to Marty, now one of the two bartenders who worked the new morning crowd.
“Another Calistoga?” Marty asked.
Penman shook his head.
“How long you been working here, Marty?”
“Not very long.”
“Yeah, that occurred to me just now. I don’t remember you being here before I got my transplant. So who you working for?”
“Sir?”
“Oh, I know you work for Rick, but that’s just moonlighting. I was told not too long ago that God and the devil are both very real. I figure you’re with one of them. So what kind of angel are you? Exalted or fallen?”
Marty grinned. He had the same dentist the devil did.
Penman said, “Tell your boss I’d like to see him.”
Penman thought the devil would be there in the wink of an eye, but the bastard kept him waiting longer than a tech-support phone call. Maybe he had taken offense when Penman had rebuffed him. Probably hadn’t liked being called a loser.
Kelly and her crowd had cleared out. So had the back-up bartender. Only Marty lingered on the far side of the room. Penman was about to leave, too, when a hot hand fell upon his shoulder. Penman hadn’t seen the devil make his entrance, but being sneaky was the guy’s stock in trade.
Penman gave the devil a look and he removed his hand.
“Something I can do for you?” the devil asked.
He took the stool next to Penman’s, their faces inches apart.
“What do you call that silly little hairball on your chin?” Penman asked. “A lost soul patch?”
The devil no longer found Penman amusing. He got up to go.
“Hold on,” Penman said.
The devil remained standing. Waited for Penman to speak.
“I want to review something with you. You told me I can get anything I want for my soul. Anything at all. Is that right?”
The devil nodded.
“No exceptions?” Penman asked.
“None.”
“Okay. I’m ready to deal.”
The devil sat down. He took a contract out of an inside pocket. Put it on the bar in front of Penman, who saw that his name was already on it. Cocky bastard, he thought. That was only going to make things even sweeter.
As a legal instrument, the contract was simplicity itself. In consideration for relinquishing his immortal soul to the perpetual custody of the devil, Penman would receive ... There was a blank space for him to fill in whatever he desired. There was also a line for his signature.
“Do I have to sign in blood?” Penman asked.
The devil took out a pen. “Ink is just as binding.”
Penman took the pen and completed the form.
The devil snatched the executed contract off the bar — and frowned.
“I can’t read your writing,” he said.
Penman told him, “What I want is for you to release all claim to Kelly’s soul, now and forever, amen. I’m swapping my soul for hers.”
He felt that the Sunday school teacher who’d given him her liver would be proud.
The devil was not so pleased.
“I can’t do that,” he shouted, jumping to his feet. “Once I have a soul, it’s mine. Abandon all hope. Even you must have heard of that.”
“I have,” Penman agreed. “But you told me just now I could have anything I want. No exceptions. You have to live up to that agreement for our contract to be valid.”
The devil’s complexion got a good deal redder.
“It’s a pickle,” Penman said. “Possibly beyond your ability to resolve. But I believe you told me there’s a higher power who might settle the issue.”
Penman grinned.
The devil said, “You bastard.”
The back door to Rick’s flew open and was filled with a celestial light.
God was far too luminous to look at; easier to try staring at the sun. His light fell most brightly on Penman, as if trying to reveal some new trick the newsman might have in mind. Penman squeezed his eyes shut but did not avert his face.
The devil, on the other hand, had to whip on a pair of Ray-Bans and, more gallingly, bow his head to his old boss. After an indeterminate period of time, the light got dialed back to a tolerable level. Penman dared to take a peek.
He saw a guy dressed in a blue work shirt, jeans, and construction boots. No hardhat. But he looked like the original guy you’d never wanted to mess with.
“Michael,” the devil said, removing his sunglasses.
“Long time, Lou,” Michael answered. “Never expected to see you back here.”
The devil looked around. To Penman, the place was a featureless white plane. Clearly, though, the devil could see more. Then Penman noticed the devil’s eyes. They were no longer featureless dark orbs. They were golden and reflected in them was a landscape only hinted at by the most beautiful places on earth.
What a fool, Penman thought of the devil, to give up such a place.
Then he thought: Uh-oh. He’d just given it up, too.
Before Penman could get bummed out, Michael asked him, “Are you really that gutsy or just plain stupid?”
Penman knew what he meant: giving up his soul for Kelly’s.
“Mostly stupid; maybe a little gutsy. But at least it was a sober decision.”
The tough guy grinned.
“Are you Michael the Archangel?” Penman asked.
“Yeah. I do the heavy lifting around here.”
“Used to be my friend,” the devil said bitterly. Michael looked at the devil and then back to Penman.
“You ever have friends who made truly awful mistakes?” Michael asked.
“Plenty,” Penman said. “Though that was usually the part I played.”
“You cut ‘em loose if you couldn’t reach them?”
Penman remembered firing Kelly.
“Yeah.”
Penman had the uneasy feeling Michael knew just what he was thinking.
“But this time,” the archangel said, “you gave away your soul for her.”
“Yeah, I did. Don’t know why.”
Michael shook his head. He wasn’t buying that.
He told Penman, “We’ve got a saying around here. The ‘No Greater Love’ maxim. Used to be: no greater love hath one man than he lay down his life for another. Now, you’ve upped the ante big-time. You say you’re willing to lay down your soul for another. Which, I have to say, takes some big brass cojones.”
Penman suddenly felt very uneasy.
“Want to see what’s waiting for you?” Michael asked.
Penman didn’t have a choice. Michael waved a hand like someone wiping steam off a bathroom mirror and Penman got a glimpse of hell. Holy shit! Dante hadn’t covered the half of it. Penman’s knees began to wobble.
“Still want to go through with it?” Michael asked.
Penman stared at his future.
“It’s really not that bad,” the devil told him. “It’s a dry heat.”
“You lying bastard,” Penman said. He was equally upset with himself. He’d made some dumb moves in the past but this one had to take the cake. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to try to weasel out. He’d had a long run; Kelly was just getting started. If he could save her from what he’d just seen, he had to do it.
Besides, as Michael had just said, he loved her. Enough to impress even heaven.
“Yeah,” Penman said, “let’s do it. While I’m down there suffering, I’ll console myself that I finally did the right thing.”
The devil looked disgusted.
Even Michael wore a look of consternation. As if Penman’s answer hadn’t been what he’d expected. Or even wanted.
“What?” Penman asked.
“All right,” the archangel told him, “this is going to take a while to sort out. Maybe quite a while. It’s an unprecedented situation. What you should do is have a drink or two while we work on it.”
“Here?” Penman asked. “You serve drinks in heaven?”
He imagined it. Free scotch for eternity and it never ruined your liver. If so, he was really going to regret not getting in.
“Not here,” Michael said. “Someplace more familiar.”
Kelly quit her job at the Not-So-Great Metropolitan Daily.
“They were going to fire me anyway,” she told Penman. She’d returned to Rick’s, minus her entourage. As a peace offering, she’d bought Penman a corned beef sandwich. Didn’t even swipe his pickle.
“I started fast,” she explained, “but I ran out of ideas. And I got tired of all my sources trying to hit on me. Which was maybe my fault for stringing them along. But it got so even Listerine didn’t make my mouth feel fresh anymore. I had to give up the whole thing.” She paused. Worked up her nerve. “So I’m looking for a job. You know anyone who’s hiring?”
Penman asked, “You have any outstanding obligations?”
Kelly shook her head. “I’m free as a bird.”
He saw she was sincere. Which meant she had no memory of selling her soul. Which implied that Kelly would be off the hook.
He, himself, had no such assurances. But from a lifetime of covering bureaucracies he was sure a decision on his fate would be a long time coming. Difficult choices were avoided, postponed, and delayed again. In this case, maybe forever.
“So you going to take me back?” Kelly asked.
Penman nodded.
She grinned and swiped his pickle.
“You’re too good to me,”she said.
“You have no idea,” Penman replied.
But as long as there was still a chance he might one day wind up in hell, he was going to make sure Kelly provided him with a lot of good memories to take with him.
Alimony was no longer his biggest worry.
Joseph Flynn
Comments
Apr 2 2009 2:45 PM
www.TheEchoLounge.com
Jul 17 2008 2:55 AM
- Mark David Gerson, author of the gold-medal award-winning fantasy, "The MoonQuest," and of "The Voice of the Muse: Answering the Call to Write"
www. markdavidgerson. com
Free writing tips and inspiration at
www. thevoiceofyourmuse. com
Jun 7 2008 3:13 AM
May 17 2008 3:52 PM
..
Stopping by to say hello
May 14 2008 6:25 PM
Keep up the creative energy.
Kiss,
Renaissance Dell'Arte
Mar 5 2008 8:03 PM
*hugs*
Starr Sanders
Feb 19 2008 2:34 AM
Nov 26 2007 9:15 PM
Nov 19 2007 1:44 PM
Hey Craig...
Yeah Tweek?
Tweek looks Craig up and down, "I like your outfit."
Craig looks at Tweek like he's weird, "Yeah..I like yours too"
Tweeks eyes blink, his body twitches, "Hey Craig?"
Craig flips him off, "Yeah Tweek?"
Tweek looks confused, "I think we're suppose to tell these people something."
Craig flips Tweek off, "Yeah...Like what?"
Tweek ponders..."Uh Happy Thanksgiving?"
Craig flips you off then looks at Tweek, "Now what?"
Hope you and your families have a wonderful feast for Thanksgiving - everyday above ground is a good day and a day to be thankful for :)
Take care!
Much love,
K
Oct 31 2007 12:40 PM
Oct 30 2007 6:43 AM
Now onto Burma or as some call it Myanmar, the President has launched his precision, laser guided economic sanctions and that is as far as he can go. Any stronger actions and he might negatively impact some of his many friends in the energy extraction business. If the press asks, we are letting the sanctions settle in. All Americans can relate to that. Good spin! Good spin! Damn good spin!
From DivertingBuddha’s blog, a space all about Washington political hacks betraying democracy!
Oct 21 2007 5:24 PM
Spread the word my friend, I have created a MySpace group specifically for Book Reviews. Post your book reviews here so it gets seen or just read about how you can get your book reviewed by me. Suburban Fiction Book Reviews
Oct 19 2007 12:32 PM
Cheers!
Oct 19 2007 10:26 AM
I published your quote on Author Sound Bites
Thanks so much for the quote!
Eileen
Author Media Interview Trainer
Oct 15 2007 11:36 PM
Thanks for the Add.
Hey, why not consider bumping up your Friendship to another level?
The Brooklyn College Library
(That’s our title, but don’t forget to drop off the initial article when searching for us in CUNY+!)
Oct 11 2007 11:33 AM
Oct 10 2007 8:14 PM
Oct 9 2007 6:39 PM
Help me make 'THE NAISA MAFIA' a household name.
Fans have ask for ‘SECRETS KEPT’, ‘A KILLING STAR’ the scripts, and 8 chapters of THE NAISA MAFIA at http://www.novelmaker.com/ …. Read, enjoy, review, comment, and spread the hype.
Listen to JUDYTH PIAZZA interviewed CHAU VAN TRUONG (author/filmmaker).. link at Interview on the American Perspective Radio Program or http://thesop.org/article.php?id=7224 .
Oct 9 2007 12:21 PM
Greetings from Connemara,
Slan, Pat.
Oct 9 2007 10:58 AM
Hi Joseph! Just sending you a little instant message to say how great it is to have you as a friend. I look forward to finding out more about you and your work. Click here to check out IM, my suspense novel about a serial killer who uses gay Internet hook-up sites to lure his victims. Click here to watch the trailer for IM. Or visit me at www.rickrreed.com
Oct 8 2007 10:39 PM
Elizabeth
Oct 8 2007 10:28 PM
Kristy
The quill is such a mighty sword, dulled blade of feather's thought...the scribe's sanity lost to words...writes...writes...writes...
Click image to subscribe to my blog - new poetry, announcements, news letters, tour information, reviews & more!
Oct 8 2007 6:05 PM
Oct 8 2007 5:19 PM
I don't spend quite as much time on MySpace these days. You are more likely to find me on the discussion board on my website. It's a lively place where we talk about books, martial arts, single malts and pretty much everything else. I hope you'll stop by.
Barry
Oct 8 2007 3:27 PM
Nice to meet you. Looking forward to checking out your books.
Deb