Toughy McTougherson

About me:

Hmmm... Where shall we start? Oh, I know!!!

On a steamy July night in 1969, a star was born in the Bronx, NY. The proud parents were a hard working couple from Puerto Rico, they'd made the difficult move to the States to provide a better life for their baby. Early on, it was clear that the child could dance. And that it had an enormous ass. Before long... Wait!!!! Hold on! Sorry, that's not me, it's Jennifer Lopez... Damn! Let me try again.

Ok, here we go... I WAS NOT born on a hot July night in 1969. While my material successes have been somewhat more... um, modest than Jenny from the Block's, I make up for it with... uh, being cooler. Yeah, cooler! And I blog. And I think I'm taller, too. So, neener neener!

Anyhoo, lets get back to me, it is MY page, afterall. I'm not sure what you'd want to know. I suppose I can give you the Driver's License version of me. Here's what my current license says: Male, 6'0", 200 pounds. Eyes Brown, corrective lenses needed to drive. Oh, and I'm not donating organs... It doesn't matter if I'm through using them, I'm taking them with me. (I'm selfish like that) That's about it, I suppose. The weight's off by twenty pounds or so, I think I just copied info from my previous license. I did take a new picture though... I look a little happier in the current photo, by the way. Older, sure. Bigger, yes. Drunker... well, about the same. But happier, definitely. Downright friggin' jolly, yo! Maybe I'll scan it in one day, it's probably better than the train wreck of a mug shot I have up now... LULZ

Is that enough? Can I stop now? No? ...ok fine, I guess I'll tell you everything. You asked for it...

I am 5 feet 12 inches of raw, unbridled yum-muffin. Two hundred and forty pounds (approx.) of prime meatsicle that has been tenderized into a sexified mass. (It's true!) I have the stamina of a long-haul trucker that has been forced into alertness by crank, caffeine and more than one near-miss, head-on collision. My pants bulge and crease in just the right way, so as to entice even the most inobservant ladies and, frankly, some of the curious men. My nipples are ever pert. I have the more popular and sexually potent floppy earlobes, ripe for the dangly tongue-flicking. My eyebrows are, in many ways, my enemies; they refuse to be 2 sepreate brows. Tweezers maintain the armistice. I have scars in places that imply my virility, yet my demeanor suggests that questions are not welcome. I have "Mother" tattooed on one arm and "Fucker" on the other. Don't make me use both of them. I once made a woman cum by sneezing on her. Strangers name their babies after me. Your boyfriend would pay to fuck me. Your dog would fetch for me. Your mom bakes me pies. Your dad gave me one of his kidneys and I didn't even need it, so I just put it in a jar on my bookshelf. I shave my pubic hair into the Superman logo. In my downtime, I read to orphans. (They pay me.) I think we have established that I am completely fucking hot. ...snd also humble. With a big dick.

Except for like three-quarters of it, this is totally me in a nutshell.