John Stewart

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10 Things That Piss Me Off:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, buddy...where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??

2. People in the supermarket check out line who wait until their entire bill is rung up before they begin writing their check. Hello...is the store name going to change, or the date, or your signature before the clerk finishes? Get a clue!

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the damn TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change it manually!

4. When people say..."Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too." Screw that!!! What good is a damn piece of cake if you can't eat it? What should I do...eat someone else's piece of cake instead.

5. When people say..."It's always the last place you look." No shit!! Why the hell would you keep looking for it after you've already found it?? Do people do this?? Who and where are they??

6. When people say, while watching a movie .."Did you see that?" No, dumb ass, I paid $7.50 to come to a theater and stare at the ceiling up there. What did you come here for??.

7. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

8. When something is "New & Improved," Which is it? If it's new, there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement then there must have been something before it!

9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going. "You should know, asshole. You're the one that pulled me over!"

Here's the 10TH thing that really bugs me....

10. Chain letters! Who the hell thinks that by annoying other people with stupid mail with no meaning, that they will grant you a wish, or make your long-lost love fall into your arms. Bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a stupid chain letter that the computer gods are going to curse me!!