william
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"A Focused Light in a Dark Society"
Male
40 years old
RENO, Nevada
United States
Last Login:
7/3/2008
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http://www.myspace.com/justified_anger |
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william's Interests
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| General | My Wife, Reading, Writing, Outdoors Activities, Cooking, Wine Tasting... | | Music | Instrumental, Jazz, Country, Christian Worship... | | Movies | Passion of the Christ, Pay it Foward, Gladiator, Brave Heart, No Reservations... | | Television | Not worth my time...
| | Books | Biography, Bible, Self Help... | | Heroes | Anyone who has overcome adversity to become their best... |
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william's Details
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| Status: | Married | | Here for: | Networking, Friends | | Orientation: | Straight | | Body type: | Athletic | | Ethnicity: | White / Caucasian | | Religion: | Christian - other | | Zodiac Sign: | Virgo | | Occupation: | Writer |
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william is in your extended network
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william's Latest Blog Entry
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God is Building a Foundation.....1
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Soon to be released.....2
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First Chapter, "Called by God".....3
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william's Blurbs |
About me:
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Hello Everyone,
My name is Billy and the purpose of this myspace is to promote the book I’ve written that’s titled, “Living in the Hope of My Imagination.”.....Its message is about my life’s story and the traumatic events that happened to me from the time I was baby through my adult life and the transforming power of a positive influence that help me to find meaning and come to terms with my past. What I am about to say is not meant to make you feel sorry for me, so please don’t! I am at that place in my life where I now understand why these bad things happened and knowing what I can do to help someone else has helped me to forgive the wrongs that were done to me and discover the inner peace that at one time was so elusive. All I ask is that you listen to what I’m about to say and be honest with yourself if what I talk about isn’t very similar to something you or someone you care about has experienced also. Fair enough??..........From my youth up until the time when I began to write a journal about my life, I had no hope, no vision for a future and I was mad! Life as I knew it had been one disappointment after another. There were things done to me that you don’t do to a child and being scarred emotionally robbed all sense of purpose and I grew up angry. I didn’t know what it was like to be loved by my parents and happiness was something I couldn’t relate to, so trust was an emotion I never learned. My childhood was supposed to be a time of learning how to trust and having the experience of each youthful imagination become reality, but what really happened created the emotional scars on a boy who was abused. And the price that I had to pay for the many wrong decisions I made was the loss of my innocence and youth.....Violence is something I’ve experienced from my earliest memories but nothing prepared me for the day when I was eight years old and a man took me into his home and did things to me that you do not do to a child. It scared me and the memory of what happened has followed me through life..........I don’t have any memories as a child when I wasn’t angry and knowing the damage that was done by people who I learned to hate created an expectation of what I believed to be all I would ever know. Not wanting to think about what life could have been like had my parents treated me different and given the opportunity to grow up in a healthy family environment, by the age of ten alcohol and drugs became my escape. This dependence created an image of insignificance and from my youth I’ve hidden in shame behind a lifetime of substance abuse.....I was a violent child and I didn’t like anyone because it seemed as though no one liked me. That bitter cycle so many young people get caught up in and sadly for the many who never find a way out of. Believing my dreams were not important and having nothing to offer, I attempted suicide and for some reason, my life was spared..........This is when the courts stepped in and took custody of me and I became a ward of the state. I was in the juvenile jail system for a couple of years and then at age sixteen I was sentenced to juvenile life. I was kept in jail for a year and a half and when I turned eighteen they transferred me to a state penitentiary. And it was in this environment where I had to survive until I turned twenty-one.....I was harassed and assaulted, I assaulted other people who disrespected me and there were several attempted rapes by individuals and groups of men. During one of these attempted rapes I was stabbed five times and I almost died. I carry the scars of these fights on my body and the memories have never gone away..........I was released from prison just a few days after my birthday and there was no place for me to go. The state didn’t offer me any supervision and I was on my own. I struggled with work and not really knowing how to handle my money cost me the place I was living in. I was homeless and without a job for about a year and I did whatever was necessary to survive!.....It was here where I experienced just how cruel life can really be and I met the people who have been abused by life and forgotten. Eating out of a dumpster is not something I ever imagined I would be doing and when I hear someone talk about other people and what they think will never happen to them, I just smile. No one is ever more than a few wrong decisions away from or traumatic events happening in their life to then be found trying to survive in an element that was once thought to be unimaginable......And it’s here when you realize just how invisible you really are. People walk by and never even take the time to look at you, avoiding what they do not want to have to deal with.....I had been abused as a child and neglected and I turned fifteen through twenty-one incarcerated and by that age I had experienced more negative than most people will in a lifetime. I didn’t know how to relate to people. I didn’t like anybody and once again, no one liked me!..........There were a few occasions when I was invited to church and I went hoping to find some meaning and without fail there people who made it known that I was not welcome. And I don’t care how tough you think you are, that hurts! So I stayed away. Depression hit me really hard! I had never been close to anyone or knew what it was like to believe my life had purpose and thinking it would always be like this made me want to check out.....So one night as I was driving on a road that passed over a mountain and coming into a sharp curve is when I gunned the gas pedal and closed my eyes. “The car came to an abrupt halt as it landed in a tree.” And for some reason beyond me, I walked away from it. I couldn’t even kill myself! Nothing ever seemed to go my way and this is when I started living really hard..........I had a short lived marriage and when that ended I was homeless again and living out of my car. Leaving work at night already intoxicated, I’d go from bar to bar until I passed out somewhere or in some strangers bed. Because of my physical appearance I was approached by people in the adult industry and this is how I lived for several years. On days that I didn’t work at the bar I would strip or be an escort for women who paid my price. Sex for hire is impersonal and most tricks end never knowing their name. It was a different person every night and there were few boundaries.....There is nothing glamorous about this lifestyle and the effect it has on a person’s self-image is degrading. There were days I didn’t eat; my only goal was getting high or the next trick. I lived a blur of alcohol, drugs and sex to escape what I thought to be a life that had no purpose. As do many of the people you know!..........Working in bars and coming out late at night, I’ve been robbed, involved in countless fist fights, I have spent nights in the drunk tank and I’ve been beaten by police officers who thought I was someone else!.....One of the most traumatizing events that happened to me is when I was raped by a man who I thought was my friend when I was passed out. The emotion was overwhelming. I wasn’t a child this time, I was a grown man. Memories I’ve tried so hard to suppress of what happened almost thirty years before flooded my mind and I became furious.....What happened that night really messed me up! I wanted to react but instead I chose to pickle my emotions. My day was twisted from the time I got out of bed to when I passed out, to then wake up and do it all again. That bitter cycle so many people are caught up in today and sadly again, few who ever find a way out of..........There is nothing about life that is fair and when bad things continue happening what other option are you left with but to respond in the same way life has treated you. I was hateful and I was doing my best to escape the painful memories that haunted me. Writing about what I have experienced and how I treated other people has led me to a conclusion that it was payback time for all that had been done to me. I wanted people to know what it was like to hurt and I was very good at it. Remember, “Hurt people hurt people!”..........The stories I could tell you! People who have lived a life like this know what I mean. The society we live in today is cold; it is unkind and it can be cruel. You really don’t know why people respond the way they do until you have lived like they do, it’s what you call survival. To look in a mirror and see emptiness, hopelessness and hatred staring back is a loathsome life.....People are hurting emotionally and have no hope of lasting change because of an influence that is caused by their surroundings. The majority of people you know, no matter how well they clean up live a life like this. And it’s not a small number who have gone to an extreme like I have. I know what physical pain is like and in time it heals, but the emotional scars will never heal until you learn how to let go! I believe this is where; “Why Me”…becomes significant!..........All of this has been said to prove to you that I know what I am talking about. The events of my life until now as I have written my book is to help you understand there is nothing that has happened to you or anything you’ve done that God cannot make right. I have lived too many lives to tell you anything different and I’ve been violated in too many ways not to believe the validity of what I say to be true!.....“I know why you feel the way you do, what you think of yourself and the lie you are living!” A person who is naïve can be fooled but to look at someone who knows pain, your life is an open book. I see it in the faces of people every day. I hear it in the words you say and I can smell it on you. Regret stinks and misery attracts its own.....And only when you are willing to sever all ties to what is in your past by surrounding yourself with a positive influence; whether it’s a book, someone that has a life you admire or like me, run to the true source of where all goodness comes from does life begin to take on meaning and your healing process begins..........Only by the hand of God, His mercy and grace, an unconditional love, compassion and a willingness to forgive regardless, can there ever be a significant change in the will and the imagination of a human being.....Take some time to think back over your life and be honest about the choices you’ve made that created the circumstances you are dealing with right now. It’s my bet that your dreams have yet to come true and each day is lived with a faint hope of maybe tomorrow will be better. And when today arrives, the same habits that created every yesterday will never allow your hope of tomorrow!..........This testimony is for you, who are in life where I have come from. You now have my experience as an example to believe that God is real and He is more than willing to do for you what He has for me. This has created an awareness of self-worth in knowing I can now do for someone else what was never done for me.....If you have never struggled in life you don’t know how to talk to people like me, we do not relate. I don’t care what a secular education tells you is the reason for me feeling the way I do or a theology degree that is thought to qualify you to instruct me spiritually. You can’t help me!.....“Until you have been here there will never be an understanding of the world people like me live in and what has to be overcome to get out!” Your education or ministry title does not impress; it’s your compassion that will attract people to God who lives through you. When you can relate to someone in the realm of their emotions with a kind word and a firm conviction of knowing what God is capable of doing, it speaks volumes more to encourage their process of change. “I know this to be true because I’ve been there and come through it and today I’m free from that image of who I used to be!”..........I didn’t have any natural gifts or skills God needed, but the one thing He did want was me. God had to allow what I experienced in life to break dependence in a trust of anything that was put before my worship of Him. My life was controlled by selfish emotions and I tried to satisfy every desire I had by using what only kept me bound.....Everything that you have experienced is stored away in the vault of your imagination and only time given to learning about and meditating on what God has to say about you in the Bible and then speaking these truths to yourself to peel away layer upon layer of inhibitions can you ever imagine significant change and have hope of what is said about you become reality..........“This is the price you will pay!” The stuff carried around all of your life that has become a crutch you depend on will have to be left behind. There is a whole new set of rules to live by. God’s way will earn you both spiritual and emotional freedom and your way is to stay in bondage. Change is a process we all have to go through, the attitude you have and your expectation while in this season directly affects how long it takes to get out.....God will not allow you to enter His rest while still holding on to what is in your past. My advice to you is: “Let Go!”..........Change is not easy because it goes against a selfish nature that wants to be in control and make decisions that are comfortable. And honestly, until you want change or are made to change you never will! Life happens to all of us. No two circumstances are the same but there are similarities we have all faced.....When someone has overcome an experience that relates to one you may be dealing with, learn from what they have done. It just might be the push needed to step out into your unknown. Here is when the renewed man within is revealed; “God in you” (enthusiasm) correcting what negative influence has done to manipulate an image of who you really are. This will be the most uncomfortable yet self-revealing and exciting time of your life. It is a (spiritual) fight for not only you but also those who God has called you to reach.....When you finally come to an understanding of, “Why Me” because of what you have experienced and overcoming so much, you are now the greatest threat to everything that is wrong! This is why life dealt you the hand it has! Everything negative that happened in your life was for the intent of keeping you from living out the purpose God created you to influence. Memories of the life you have lived and unforgiveness towards people who have caused pain is a stronghold in your mind that will have to be overcome. What you believe to be all you will ever know is a thought process that you’ll struggle with until you learn how to renew your mind.....You cannot overcome what has influenced your past on compromising terms. I strongly believe you will stay in this place of bondage: “Mad, No Hope, No Vision and No Joy” until there is a definite separation from every negative influence in your life. As you make time to study the Bible with an open mind, God will reveal His plan for you through each stage of emotional surrender..........Why was an opportunity never given to me to enjoy a better life so many people take for granted? Here is the answer. “Until in my mind was a belief that God has a purpose for my life and a willingness to help me discover what it is, the prison of my past is where the hope of my imagination would’ve stayed forever locked away.” Change the way you think and God will change how you live!.....“Why Me”...has always been a question that could not be answered until now. What qualifies me to tell someone what to do having never done it for myself? People do not want to hear about a theory on a subject of matter you have never experienced, they want to know what you have overcome and stayed free from.
I’m now at peace in accepting responsibility for the many wrong decisions I’ve made that created my circumstances. And writing this book describing my experience gives me a right to say, “I have with the influence of the Bible (everything good that God has said about me) overcome a lifetime of negative influence that controlled my imagination!” Listen and learn..........As I was challenged to my face I am now challenging you to come to God just as you are. You do not have to quit doing anything or change in any way to be not only accepted but welcome in the presence of God whose love for you is unconditional. Through the developing of a relationship learning about God and the purity of His nature, whatever it is you do that’s not pleasing to Him loses its appeal and you turn away (which is the definition of repentance). Little by little God will bring you to maturity to one day stand upright and unashamed knowing your experience was for a purpose He called you to.”..........There is nothing of greater value than realizing God’s desire for every human being is a place of oneness in spirit where heirs of salvation take possession of everything that’s available to those who with an expectation submit their will to a higher purpose. Sons and Daughters of God revealed to the world, living above the natural plane of sense knowledge while actively fulfilling the great commission every Christian is called to. As living epistles seen and read, we are an expressive demonstration of Jesus’ life and ministry to all people.....It’s my hope that what I have shared will encourage you through a discovery of truth when learning about the person God created you to be.....Enjoy the journey.
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Who I'd like to meet:
People who are committed to personal achievement and willing to pay it foward!!!
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