Keith If anyone has extra tickets for Rent on Friday or Sunday please let me know; a friend desperately wants a couple. Posted at 12:32 AM Nov 11 from Digsby view more
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration.
I bat 400.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.
I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
Who I'd like to meet: The Crocodile Hunter, Bilbo Baggins, Ghyslian Raza, Optimus Prime, Mr. Entertainment, George Spelvin, Jabberwock, Waterbear, eggplant mike, Horton, Jon Stewart, Cindy Sheehan, Ford Prefect, Barbara Boxer, The Knights Who Say "Ni!", Walter Anker, Fidel Castro, Malcom Gladwell, John McCain, Lawrence Lessig, Adam Scott, Ronaldo de Assis Moreira, Steven D. Levitt, Kevin Kelly, Kevin Rose, Kevin Bankston, Kevin Smith, Kevin Sites, and Cael Sanderson.
Booze-The Verves (a tribute to the Velvet Underground)-The Sleaze Tax
The Maltese 1600 Park Ave. Chico, CA 95928
9:30 pm 21+ $3 cover Local legend Lori Campion is blowing through town June 27 with her classic Chico bands, Booze (featuring Tom Little, Carey Wilson, Campion), The Verves - a Tribute to the Velvet Underground (featuring Campion, Joe Martin of Job's DeSoto, Charles Mohnike of Job's DeSoto and Carey Wilson).
Headlining the show will be Barbara Manning's local band, The Sleaze Tax.
That's right - for only $3 you can experience the best of the Chico rock scene, cheap beer, and loud women.
AAAWWWW... I'll paint her a lifesize portrait of myself that you guys can hang in your house so she'll never forget! I think it'd be a nice addition. : D I was just about to call your wifey... does she have plans tomorrow night? (You can come too, I'm sure... but I warn you it's a girl's night at Storey's heh we'd have to dress you in a skirt, put your hair in pigtails, do your makeup and paint your nails... it's mandatory.)
LOL I just saw the video you posted me... Um, hello, UNA?!?!?! Good thing I never kept a baseball bat in my room... she did manage to knock down dvds on me once though...
and don't you forget it Keithy Pants! haha. Just kidding.
Um. I commented Steph w/ this info too... but I wanted to double team you guys and get the info out there in a big way! I'm thinking bfast this weekend. Sat or Sun. Could be fun. ... any thoughts on the matter?
I subscribe to the "Evil Cyborg" method of parenting. Some say it's too harsh, but I have this theory that if you can't negotiate with a screaming midget, then you just have to destroy it...
........Side Of The Road by Mute Witness..................
