The first episode: Kaptain Takeover Begins part 1 of 2
Part Two
Television
My NEW DVD!! Kaptain Takeover and His Video Pirate Buddies: Adventures In The Video Void!!
Only a mere pitance of $10.00 for 84 minutes of action packed adventure and intrigue (plus a couple of belly laughs thrown in!!) Click here to buy the NEW DVD!
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Books
Technically, not a book: ENTER THE VOID, part 1 of 2
ENTER THE VOID part 2
Heroes
I'm the hero around this joint...;
Kaptain Takeover's Details
Status:
Married
Zodiac Sign:
Leo
Kaptain Takeover Hey there little video pirate buddies Posted at 4:00 PM Oct 9 view more
About me: I'm the Kaptain of The Digital Video Pirate Buddies. My headquarters are currently located at The Lost Science Clubhouse, and I enjoy jaunting across the vastness of the digital wasteland. That's pretty much it, for me....except for the following unofficial biography:
Who Is Kaptain Takeover?
He is known around the world by many names.
In Germany he is der Kommandant Teichoffen, in Japan he is Kaptain Takee-Outee, in China he is Kaptain Running Dog Lackey-Over of the Yankee Imperialist and in Australia they bestow on him their highest honor by renaming him after their national symbol: Kaptain Kangaroo!!
Yet, known to millions around the world as the helmeted, goggled cosmic corsair who traverses the vastness of the video wasteland, Kaptain Takeover’s origin remains a mystery. Unfortunately the facts that remain untampered with are few, leaving only theory and conjecture as to why a grown man would dress and behave in a manner such as Kaptain Takeover.
Of course there is the official biography of Kaptain Takeover that was published in 1967 by the Video Legalization League of Outer Space (VLLOS), a faction of The Video Pirate Buddies dedicated to bringing reruns of “Mr. Ed” to third world countries.
In this pamphlet entitled “KAPTAIN TAKEOVER: A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS, A MAN OF OUR TIMES AND A SWELL KINDA GUY,” the following account is given:
“Kaptain Takeover grew from humble beginnings, being born in a little log cabin which he built from splitting rails.
He was so poor that he could not afford a laptop and did much of his homework on a Mac G5. Some days he would have to drive his Lexus three blocks in chilly weather to get to school. One particularly cool winter day he found a library book that was overdue and decided to keep it.
“I’m not going to catch my death for some stupid book!”, he is often quoted as saying.
His goal was to become a hot-shot divorce lawyer, but lacking the grades to get out of school, he turned to his second love-- used car sales, and later, burial insurance.
Some say he became or was mutated into the Kaptain Takeover we know today during a freak accident that occured while he was trying to illegally hook-up HBO to his iPod. Others speculate that he is the result of a cruel colorization experiment on the movie “PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE” gone horribly wrong, thus condemning him to forever roam the microwave universe, from channel to channel, website to website, MySpace to MySpace, searching for a way out, or a good party, whichever comes first.
As to the true identity of the man who wears the goggled helmut, no one knows, but it has been pointed out (several times by the Kaptain himself) that Kaptain Takeover and Brad Pitt have never been seen in the same place at the same time.
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TIME IS SQUEEGEE-RUNNING OUT SO DONATE TODAY. IF YOU WISH TO DONATE A LESSER AMOUNT SIMPLY PRINT THE DONATION FORM AND SEND A DONATION DIRECTLY TO AIDS WALK. PLEASE MAKE SQUEEGEE-SURE TO INCLUDE MY NAME “SQUEEGEEMAN”
I'll never forget how you trounced me at The Fiendish Evil Villian Convention. We'll meet again Takeover and when we do...well, it's not going to be very nice.
PS
You suck pondscum.
