We're a group of diverse folks who gather to play Ireland's most popular sport, Gaelic Football.

Football is a fast paced game played with a round ball roughly similar to a soccer ball by teams consisting of 13 a side in the States. Gaelic Football can best be described as a cross between soccer and basketball.

It has been said that rugby is a thug's game played by gentlemen, soccer is a gentleman's game played by thugs and Gaelic games are thug's games played by thugs. Irish national sports, Hurling and Gaelic Football are fairly full-bodied in nature!

People of all backgrounds are welcome to play with us. Those unfamiliar with the sport are encouraged to come out as well. Our League boasts two GAA-certified coaches as players, so we will have no problem teaching you the fundamentals and basic skills of football. We also welcome those would like to come just to hang out and enjoy the social side of the club! We regularly have around twenty folks show up each week.

We play every Sunday at 1pm

Southwest High School

6512 Wornall Road

is muidne,

Kansas City Gaelic Atheltic Club / Aidan McAnespie GFC

BELOW IS A BIT OF HUMOUR- DON'T BLAME US IF YOU'RE OFFENDED, IT'S ALL ENGLAND'S FAULT

Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?

A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.

Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead English soccer fan on the road?

A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. What do English soccer fans and sperm have in common?

A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q. If you see an English soccer fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?

A. It could be your bicycle.

Q. What do you have when 100 English soccer fans are buried up to their necks in sand?

A. Not enough sand.

Loyal GAA Supporter ....

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in South Roscommon and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Roscommon fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Roscommon fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Roscommon fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Roscommon fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a Cork fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Cork fan?"

"Because my Mum and Dad are from Cork, and my mum is a Cork fan and my dad is a Cork fan, so I'm a Cork fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Cork fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Dublin fan."

GAA in a Global Context

Knowing that the political situation can be a little confusing, here is the quick guide to some GAA counties in more global terms.

USA = Kerry - Utterly arrogant and motivated by greed. If they suffer the slightest injustice the whole world hears about it. Leader sees himself as bit of a visionary, most see him as bit of a tyrant.

Al Qaeda = Meath - Thugs who like to take out opponents behind the play. Capable of upsetting just about anyone. Leader is a paranoid nutter.

United Kingdom = Galway - Only now moving forward having been stuck in the past for decades. Have a leader who loves the sound of his own voice, full of rhetoric whilst ducking the important issues.

France = Sligo - Perennial bridesmaids. Have a huge armoury but heavily criticised in the past for misfiring. More likely to bore you to death than to be a real threat to anyone.

Pakistan = Kildare - Trying hard to be one of the big boys, but has upset a large percentage of it's supporter base through its over involvement with foreigners. Could soon experience a revolt within its own ranks.

India = Down - A sleeping giant, not a contender at the moment but with a huge supporter base. Likes to think it's opinion is worth plenty, yet is largely ignored by non-fans. Local derbies can be a bit fiery.

The Northern Alliance = Laois - An undisciplined rabble in need of sponsorship dollars.

Israel = Dublin - Rabid supporters tucked away everywhere and usually only become vocal when they start winning. See themselves as the chosen but in reality suffer from an over inflated sense of self. Local transport can be a bit dodgy.

Palestine = Westmeath - A team currently going places, had been on the periphery for many years before the late 90s. Not regarded as a big contender but has a strong and explosive youth policy.

Japan = Roscommon - No attack, last campaign of any note 1942. Big player in the 1970s and 1980s, however struggling a bit these days.

Iraq = Limerick - Serious hardarses and strongminded who could be on the way back. Opponents refer to see them out of the Championship. Most of their neighbours hate them, they know it, and they don't care.

Russia = Cavan - Once a great superpower, recently in decay. Have chosen some real muppets as leaders.

Uzbekistan = Derry - Stuck in the middle. Has a bit of an ars*h*le as manager but light on ammunition.

Germany = Offaly - Tendency to self destruct. A strong history but off the scene of late. Unfortunate uniforms.

Australia = Leitrim - Completely harmless. Not a contender. Just in it to make up the numbers. Supporters are loyal but regularly embarrassed.

Egypt = Donegal - Had a crack at dominance and though the remnants are still there they hark back to the glory days. A bit over defensive and vulnerable up the middle.

* Please note that no country can be associated with Armagh. The closest thing was Yemen but apparently even certain parts of war torn Aden are bordering on pleasant.

A Tourist's Guide to Ireland

Cavan - filthy, ignorant hillbillies, puritanical papists. Hobbies: discovering IRA ammo dumps and knitting black balaclavas.

Kerry - stupid but loveable. Hobbies: Gaelic football, scraping pig foetus off their wellies and chain-smoking.

Wicklow North sports car driving country snobs (Greystones, Enniskerry) Hobbies: Sticking their noses in the air and referring to themselves as "one".

Wicklow South sheep shaggers. Hobbies: Sitting in field with their neighbours and talking about the"banjaxed hydraulics on the JCB", collecting the dole.

Dublin North criminals, drug dealers and factory workers, easy women,unmarried mothers, skinheads and all-round examples of human waste. Hobbies: Heroin and watching serials numbers being filed off stolen BMW's, doing hand-breakers.

Dublin South: west Brits, snobs, rich, easy glamorous women. Hobbies:colonic irrigation and sleeping with their best friend's spouse.

Limerick violent, racist scum of the earth, knife-wielding prostitutes. Hobbies: play rugby while stabbing each other with screwdrivers and then complaining about their city's bad reputation.

Donegal looks down on all-others, aloof. Hobbies: Turning their noses up at all and sundry

Cork jealous of Dubliners, highly-sexualized women. Hobbies: Standing at the side of the Motorway and making smug faces at the cars with Dublin plates.

Tipperary beautiful pristine girls, but hard to get into bed but worth it if you can because that County does not have two different Ridings for nothing! Hobbies: Getting a flat in Dublin and losing their accents and hoping their parents don't find out.

Meath Dublin wannabes. Hobbies: Beating Dublin at GAA and hoping that one day somebody in Dublin will actually notice.

Galway sophisticated boggers could be mistaken for a South Dubliner, sexually adventurous, cultured and wealthy. Hobbies: Teaching sex acrobatics to foreign tourists, dropping acid, paying a million pounds for a three bedroom suburban house and pretending it was a bargain.

Kildare alcoholics. Hobbies: Walking up in barns with a bottle on one side and hatchet-faced Biddy on the other.

Mayo Depressing, defeatist, negative, misery-laden losers, emigrate as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. Hobbies: Dropping a lighted cigarette on his mattress and then being burned alive in a Cricklewood boarding house so he can have his remains flown back to Knock Airport for burial.

Louth IRA supporters, smugglers and bandits, beautiful girls (Dundalk). Hobbies: Tearing through Cooley at 125MPH trying to stop the boxes of cheap vodka from falling out the window.

Waterford decent honest hard-workers generally good folks. Hobbies: Calling a strike.

Clare fiddle-playing charming simpletons and, more recently, neo-nazis. Hobbies: Falling into pot-holes and being never heard from ever again.

Sligo go-getters, strong sense of free enterprise, likes to make cash. Hobbies: get rich and b*llix to everything else.

Kilkenny harmless innocent alcoholics. Hobbies: Sending their only son to fashion college in Dublin and then wondering why he never brings girls home and why he is always looking in the Brown Thomas catalogue?

Carlow who cares? Hobbies: Move to Dublin and then best forgotten about.

Offaly mad for playing sports and having fun, generally liked. Hobbies: To win a pub.

Leitrim Enigmatic reclusive weirdos. Hobbies: Being absorbed into surrounding counties, quietly.

Longford Gombeen men. Hobbies: Legalizing bestiality.

Laois the real boggers and proud of it generally held in high esteem by Dubliners. Hobbies: Living an honest life, collecting EU development grants.

Westmeath Mysterious boggers, cryptic. Hobbies: Trying, unsuccessfully, to get noticed.

Wexford selling their "home-grown" organic fruit (bought at supermarket that morning) at the side of the road in summer and ripping-off gullible Dubliners out for a drive in the country. Hobbies: Ripping off tourists is more than enough.

(Roscommon and Monaghan are missing, but sure did anyone notice)

Character Traits of your Local Junior B Hurling Team

Junior B hurlin (ya cant bate it)

Goalie - must have ’great goalmouth presence’.... which is secret code for being fat enough to have his own gravitational pull. Always in the 40-50 age bracket, this is a gent that will almost convince you that he played minor for the county in goal, even though the last time he got his knees dirty diving was at a ceili in 1965 when his version of the Hucklebuck went out of control, with numerous casualties.

Right corner back - the quiet man of the line-up he seems to escape the jokes in the dressing-room just because no-one has ever seen him angry and are afraid of hidden depths. Unmarried farmer with severe emotional baggage. Contact with a woman consists of the handshake at mass on a Sunday morning.

Full back - First started playing hurlin some time in the Pleistocene Epoch. Nicknamed Sledge like "yer man outta U2". Will get a nose-bleed if he passes beyond his own 50 yard line. Utterly, utterly useless and yet is a great hit with the fans. Quite likes the smell of blood.

Left corner back - Has all the hurlin skills of a piece of cheese and yet has been known to disappear up corner-forward’s arses for days on end. An absolute cast-iron guarantee to be made mark the other team’s young and absurdly fast superstar in the making.

Right hlf back - just out of minor, this boyo is sadly not going to get anywhere near the senior team... and yet hasn’t missed a training session since early 1989. Selection is basically the manager’s way of proving that he "doesn’t give a damn who you are, if you’re not down training we’re not going to give you a game".

Centre back - disgruntled former senior player, tried to remove senior manager at agm and now has about as much chance of playing senior as he does of playing Hamlet in the Globe. Hasn’t been junior training all year and is still absolutely guaranteed his spot on the team.

Left half back - county u-16 star, great white hope for the entire club. About 5 foot 4, he is still told to get under the puckouts and ’take the game to the opposition’... secret code for don’t pass it to anyone unless your life is in serious danger.

Midfielder - chronic alcoholic who last scored a point in the late 70s and yet reckons he is justified in having a go for a point from anywhere inside the opposition’s half. Well-liked character because he always gets his round in at the post-match season.

Midfielder - the full back’s older brother, who sports a rather strange looking bandage on his knee - probably hiding teeth marks or something. Prone to making strange guttural noises every time he strains himself. Eats five dinners a day and is a prime suspect for a coronary.

Right half forward - quietly-spoken business-man who hails from the village. Drives a flash motor. Lads who live in the pub in the town don’t know what to make of him "but he was an awful annoying young fella in st pauls school".

Centre forward - third of the set of brothers that includes the full back and midfielder. Is the target of all the brother’s clearances... ALL of them. Probably the local A.I. man or something... by the way that’s not A.I. in the Steven Spielberg meaning of the word.

Left half forward - utterly, utterly useless 25 year old who by some fluke of nature happens to be a deadly accurate free-taker. Tries to avoid open play altogether as he is far too important to the team to get injured. Is basically the team’s only source of points.

Right corner forward - happily married man who hasn’t played hurlin since he was 12 but has suddenly decided to take up the game again. Natural talent (like his genitalia) completely and utterly over shadowed by his beer belly. Guaranteed to bag a goal or two and gain for himself some ridiculous nickname like "Schillaci" or something.

Full forward - hasn’t scored since the end of the war but is captain of the team and an all-out nut case. The line commonly quoted to excuse his complete inability to find the target is "he’s a good man to bust up the play."

Left Corner Forward - Depending on numbers, this player could be anything from an 8 year old told to stand by the corner flag and not move for fear of being skelped to an 80 year old told to stand in the corner for fear of being skelped