i live with my injuries.
people say to me, "Aren't you lucky!"
and they don't understand
why my face suddenly freezes and my voice becomes tense.
i can say i'm lucky
if I so choose on any given day.
but when others say it,
i feel as if they discount my pain
and don't recognize my costs,
counting me only as alive or dead
no matter how hard it may be
to endure living.
some days i am glad:
life itself is all that matters,
and I savor it.
but when I hurt too much,
or am told I won't fully heal,
when I cannot work or play as before,
or feel i'm a burden on others,
then I don't feel lucky at all!
i feel cheated!
some days I even wish i had died rather than live like this.
so please don't tell me that i'm lucky
to only be injured.
tell me instead you are glad i'm still here,
and let me know why.
tell me that you care about
my grief, pain, anger and adjustments.
tell me you willingly rehear my disappointments, loss and frustrations.
and have patience while i relearn to live.
then someday i can tell you
how lucky i am -- to have someone
who understands and accepts my sorrows
and who also shares my joys!
Music
..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQX0yhb-kUc
Books
stop pretending to be nice.
i dont want your sympathy.
i want your respect.
he looked at me & said,
"do you ever feel like you're working
for something you're never going to get?
you shoot-&-miss kind of deal.
like, no matter what, you can't have it,
but that makes you fight for it just a little bit more?"
i looked at him, stared at him for a second,
& replied, "everyday…"
she's an artist
a painter actually;
see that smile on her face?
well it's her most famous piece
isnt it funny how day-by-day
nothing changes, but then when
you look back, everything is different.
Heroes
living with what has happened to me has made me my own hero.
i have a reason for being here.
what that reason is, im still looking.
but now.. i know im strong enough to find it.
-strength and perserverance.-
wanna make a change right here right now,
wanna live a life like you somehow,
wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile?
-im continuing to prove the world wrong.-
within the blink of an eye,
my life was completely changed,
and little did i know
i was soon to be up against the fight of a lifetime.
hi. im kels.
i wont try to cover this up and hide my idenity.---
ive been diagnosed as paraplegic
told that it would be physically impossible to ever walk again.
at that point, it wasn’t about if my legs worked or not.
i knew nothing about myself.
everything that i thought i knew, i was learning again.
ive often asked for one more time around.
just one more chance.
thats all i need and i would make this right.
but, thats something only i can grant myself.
no one can take this away from me.
was this something i was given?
possibly.
something i deserved?
i doubt it.
something ill overcome?
absolutely.
dont ask me when ill
"get better".
im NOT sick.
if you would like to contradict me, im game.
i can most likely figure you out within 5 minutes of having a conversation with you.
i hunger to be an obstruction of your mind.
i thirst for you to figure me out.
you have now entered my masquerade.
i believe myself to be genuine.
i have loved...lost...and learned.
the three things that every soul should feel.
i do not belong in anyones virus.
satisifaction is found on my own. dont lust for what you see.
desire what you know.
do as i SAY. not as i DO.
Who I'd like to meet:
the timing and structure was all wrong.
growing up shouldnt of gone this way.
maybe one day ill see you,
youll walk by
and smile and act like everything is ok.
you know.. like they do in the movies.
but i wasnt lucky enough to get a fairytale ending dear.
someone got hurt.
I know the feeling about living alone, big change. Strange as this may sound I haven't seen you in forever either...I know its weird. Def get ahold of you when I'm back stateside. Stay in touch until then and try not to get to freaked out by the ghosts making all that noise in your house.
Japan treats me about as good as I treat her so not to bad. Got your own place huh, congrats, it's always nice to get out from under the wing of the parents and live on your own. In my experience most people are weird regardless of where you are. Was only here for about 10 days this trip but I'll be back in Jan for about 6 weeks for some schooling so we should def hook up and hang out when I get back.
It has been awhile you're right. Been busy with life I guess. Just got back from Iraq, sucked, and came home to visit my baby. She is pretty adorable I can't lie. Headed back to Japan on Thursday be there for another year. How have you been?
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