Kenny

About me:

Of course, you all know me as “President Byerly, 1997-2005,” often referred to as America’s first teenage president, despite the fact that I was technically only a teenager for the first three years of my presidency, which makes that label totally unfair. Initially branded “President Doogie” by a skeptical press, I quickly took the focus off my age by having an inappropriate relationship with a White House intern. Scandal was averted only by the fact that I was unmarried, and the same age as the intern, who is now my wife. It’s nice to have a cute story about how we met. I cemented my legacy with my strong leadership in the wake of September 11th. After leading America to a quick, decisive victory in Afghanistan, I moved on to the wildly popular and successful war in Iraq, where I personally shot Saddam Hussein in the face following a fierce hand-to-hand battle, resulting in a peaceful and smoothly functioning new democracy. And while the new Bush administration claims responsibility for the recent painless recovery from Hurricane Katrina, I really deserve the lion’s share of the credit for disaster preparation, having wisely evacuated and demolished the entire city of New Orleans years earlier. Since leaving the White House, I have been keeping busy with a college speaking tour, as well as working on my memoirs. I have also been keeping close tabs on the preparations for my presidential library.