Chace Utley
As Seen on TV / Explicit/Raw
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Male
30 years old
LA
United States
Last Login: 7/20/2009
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Chace Utley's Comedian Bio
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| Bio | My Bio
"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."
Dr. Evil | | TV Shows | TV Appearances
I had a career acting in very minor roles in numerous shows.
(1983) One Day at a Time- Schneider's Tool Belt
(1985) Silver Spoons- The train that runs through the house
(1987) The A-team- BA Baracus's fear of flying
(1989) The Hogan Family-Sandy Duncan's Glass Eye
(1992) Cheers- Norm's bar stool
| | Films | Film Appearances
(1998) Pam & Tommy Lee: Stolen Honeymoon- Tommy Lee's Penis |
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Chace Utley's Interests
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| General | Interests
writing, sports, music, comedy, snuff films, spending time with my friends, reading, education, new media, darts, crocheting, golfing (otherwise known as attempting to golf), gambling, poker, trying to split the atom, laughing....
oh and making a total and complete jackass out of myself | | Music | Favorite Music
Radiohead
Travis
O.A.R.
Stereophonics
Led Zeppelin
Pearl Jam
The Strokes
Mike Doughty
The Flaming Lips
The Roots
Smashing Pumpkins
John Butler Trio
Rilo Kiley
The Shins
Paul Simon
Soundgarden
Rage Against the Machine
Ben Lee
Ryan Adams
John Butler Trio
Nirvana
Sugar Rios
Keane
Guster
Ben Kweller
Ben Folds
Dave Matthews Band
Ben Harper
Blur
Coldplay
Conehead Budha
Beck
MOE.
Phish
Beastie Boys
Wu-Tang
Johnny Cash
The Velvet Underground
A Tribe Called Quest
Drop Kick Murphys
Cake
Foo Fighters
Alice In Chains
Soul Coughing
G Love and Special Sauce
Stevie Wonder
The Beatles
Ani Difranco
Weezer
The Black Crows
and anyone that can play a cowbell....
CLICK HERE FOR THE MORE COWBELL SKIT
OR WATCH SOME NEIL DIAMOND STORYTELLERS | | Movies | Favorite Movies
Any Kevin Smith movie
Star Wars
Godfather
Caddyshack
Blazing Saddles
The Blues Brothers
Animal House
Searching For Bobby Fisher
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Monty Python
Stripes
Goodwill Hunting
Tombstone
Swingers
Goodfellas
Office Space
The Longest Yard (The old one)
Mystic River
Snatch
Jarhead
Full Metal Jacket
Say Anything
The Goonies
Half Baked
High Fidelity
Swingers
Garden State
Karate Kid
History of the World
Boondock Saints
The 40 Year Old Virgin
Anchorman
Cool Hand Luke
The Hustler
Risky Business
Million Dollar Baby
Breakfast Club
The Shawshank Redemption
Surviving The Game (Seriously)
Bull Durham
Kill Bill
Resevoir Dogs
Pulp Fiction
Any 80's Movie
Former Profiles
I change my profile every month or so. New video, quote, pic and name.
So here is a list of some of the people I have been with a link to their video.
Double Down Trent
Cochese (from the sabotage video)
Carl Spackler
James Brown's Celebrity Hottub Party
Matt Foley
Neil Diamond
Turd Ferguson
Rick James
Wayne Brady
Black Bush
| | Television | Favorite Television Shows
The Wire, The Daily Show, Colbert Report, Sopranos, Simpsons (old episodes), Curb Your Enthusiasm, Deadwood, Lost, Conan, Seinfeld, and old episodes of Cheers....
I can't deny my love of reality tv either, it lends itself to the best running commentary
Click Here For Jon Stewart on CNN Crossfire
It takes a second to download but it is worth the wait. | | Books | Favorite Books
The Naked and the Dead, Encyclopedia Brown (come on they were great), Stupid White Men, A Separate Peace, Chicken Little, Various Autobiographies, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius , You Shall Know Our Velocity
| | Heroes | My Heroes
Daniel Larusso, the kid took on the entire Cobra Kai, that is just balls.
Also how could I forget, Chuck "Freaking" Barris and Gene Gene the Dancing Machine:
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Welcome to Hater Nation, UB Media Studies
View All Chace Utley's Groups
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Chace Utley's Details
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| Status: | Single | | Here for: | Networking, Dating, Friends | | Orientation: | Straight | | Hometown: | Livonia, NY | | Body type: | 6' 0" / Average | | Ethnicity: | White / Caucasian | | Zodiac Sign: | Pisces | | Smoke / Drink: | No / Yes | | Education: | In college | | Occupation: | Club Promoter |
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Chace Utley's Latest Blog Entry
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Ok Tom, You Win
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Chace Utley's Blurbs |
About me:
I am moving profiles
Find my new profile by clicking here
Yeah so before we go any further, I think I need to do this just so I feel like I fit in on myspace. I need to put up the picture of me looking into a mirror while taking my picture. Since everyone does it I figure it will get me a key to the cool kids club.
There now I feel better. Now on with the profile:
Some Important Facts About Me
-I can't snap or whistle but I can blow a mean double bubble.
-I can roll my tongue but can't cross my eyes which I wish was the other way around.
-My sister and I were born on the same day three years apart, which I still think is the worst birthday present I ever received.
-I have scored a basket in basketball, a goal in both hockey and soccer but have never hit a home run in baseball during a game (bar league softball does not count) but I was hit twice in the thigh in the same game. Which I think is personally more impressive because what are the odds of that?
-I started out going to college at the second largest concrete structure in the world (the pentagon is first and SUNY Albany is second).
About Me
I would like to think that I am not a very complicated person but after reflecting on what to write here I have discovered that I am a train wreck..... Damn these profiles.
-I can and do like to cook
-I like to laugh and consider myself funny
-I like competition
-I think anything that can be bet on
-Soccer really isn't boring to watch if you are watching quality teams. Something in like the European Champions League, or even maybe a good English Premier Division match would count.
-There are good articles in playboy... no really there are.
-The only good news on TV is the BBC World News
-Homestarrunner.com, Genius if you haven't been there stop reading this and go.... Seriously! Watch a Strong bad e-mail or two. It might change your life. Okay, maybe not, it will probably just suck you in and piss away two hours of your life.
-I am great at useless trivia and reading the Snapple fact of the day from the cap of a bottle of Snapple makes me happy.
Random Item
-I can nail just about any movie quote... although I have been stumped a few times lately.
-There is nothing better when your girlfriend leaves your apartment but it still smells like her (note: I am talking about general odor not well...um you know)
-I think I am solid poker player, but everyone thinks they are good at sex and poker.
-Learning is something that never stops ... I never believed my teachers when they told me that but they were right
-I am a good DJ but I have NO other musical talent, and not even spinning.. I can just change cds with a good music selection... So after further thought, I guess I don't have any musical talent
-Sitting in a baseball stadium on a summer afternoon is one of the greatest things you can do to waste three hours
Random Item 2
Things I Dislike
-Larry King should be shot... I think my 4 year old nephew could ask tougher questions. He probably would follow every answer he didn't like with a really funny and weird face, possibly spitting juice at the interviewee.
-I think My Big Fat Greek Wedding was horrible, seriously it was not funny. Furthermore, Lost in Translation was grossly overrated. There I said it. I did not like Lost in Translation all that much.
-Parents and animals love me it's their daughters/owners that are the issue
-Glitter is the worst movie ever made, ok I only watched ten seconds of it but come on... It's Mariah Carey now if it was crazy TRL Mariah Carey going through a breakdown I could sit through that for two hours easily.
-I think MTV is really the downfall of American youth culture, bad music has been pushed on people to a level that is unheard of even surpassing the disco ear ...... but I can't stop watching real world will anyone ever beat Frankie from the San Diego season? I mean come on... It was reality TV gold. Don't go old school and throw Puck in my face, he has nothing on Frankie.....NOTHING.
-Fox News is evil
-Question: why do people write checks in the fast lane at the supermarket...... I hate that
-I have railed on Ashlee Simpson for months.... Her mistake on SNL just confirmed that I am never wrong about these things. Of course I did buy the Vanilla Ice album and I though Jodeci was the second coming of Stevie Wonder but I was young and stupid.
-Making spaghetti does not include using ragu as sauce
-This is for everyone in Southern California- YOU EAT BLUE CHEESE WITH YOUR CHICKEN WINGS NOT RANCH DRESSING.
-I hate the smell of theme park water
-I have an irrational hatred of Paris Hilton, JJ Reddick, small dogs, and Fez.
Random Thoughts
-I feel like a loser when I am forced to go into starbucks and I order hot chocolate because I don't drink coffee, furthermore their hot chocolate is shit... It is all about Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf or whatever starbucks jr is called
-Monopoly and Risk when finished make you wonder what happened to the last four hours of your life.
-Why is the handicapped stall the farthest stall in the bathroom?
-Does anyone have respect for Fred Durst?
-Who is dirtier Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson I can't decide? (note this was an old random thought it has been answered....It is Paris Hilton)
-Why do people in Southern California not understand that Kobe Bryant is not a good person?
Quotes
"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."-Lloyd Dobler
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Who I'd like to meet:
Who I'd Like to Meet
1) Someone that can name all fifty states (It doesn't have to be in order and no you can..t use a map)
2) Someone that thinks Bobby Brown could have turned it around but with him doing the theme song to Ghostbusters II he committed career suicide. Although he did redeem himself by working with Mike Tyson and singing the greatest rendition of the monster mash ever. Click Here
3) Someone that liked Bill Murray WAY before lost in translation. That understands the Groundhog Day is pure brilliance and gets giddy when watching him in Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, or Stripes.
4) Someone who can live with the fact that I don't like seafood or any food that is from east of Europe, coffee, old people, mashed potatoes, Al Roker, Asthon Kutcher, talking on the phone, peas, anime, and thinks the work of JRR Tolken are highly overrated.
5) Someone who understands that I do need to know the current point spread for every NFL game. And that is ok with the fact that by Thursday I probably know them all by heart.
6) Someone that listens to me babble about pointless things like it is really important and then when I am done they tell me I am an idiot or crazy but ONLY when I am done.
And someone that is bad ass...
I think this is a good starting point.
Oh and a Hollaback girl.... well not really I just wanted to use the phrase "hollaback girl" somewhere in my profile... I still have no idea what the hell that phrase means
Oh and just recently added. Someone that likes my cock pic..
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Chace Utley has 1308 friends.
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