As you may or may not know I sell car warranties. My company is one of 8 in the state of Missouri. We are the only one currently not being sued by the State for unlawful practices. However, even though my company is on the up and up. The clientle does leave somthing to be disired for. A friend who used to work here sent me an email. I was so insipred; here ya go.
People who can officially stop calling me:
1. People who already have a warranty on their car--If you are so stupid you can't see past a form letter, please do us all a favor and kill yourself, or at least have the common decency to get sterilized so as not to pollute the gene pool further.
2. The completely distracted mother of 16 who is calling me from her shoe--Look, either find a quiet closet or don't make the goddamn call, 'k? 'k.
3. The person of ethnic distinction who's TV/Radio/Ipod/ETC is up so loud that it's hurting my ears through the phone and yet won't turn it down who says "what?" after every sentence I utter--Yes, we all love Master P and I can't get enough of that weird Middle eastern pop music, but for the love of mike, give me 120 seconds to pitch you in silence.
4. People who are REALLY REALLY SICK--I'm sorry you don't feel well, I really am, but please go to bed and get some rest, don't subject me to your stuffy, sniffly, snot-slurping call.
5. People who have no clue what they are driving--I'm not a car guy, either, but come on, you don't even know what year it is? Really? I think it has about 20000 miles, you look and it has 63456? Really? 2 or 4 wheel drive, you have no idea? What's the difference? How many miles are on the car? Why does that matter? Get a clue, or get off my line.
6. People who don't speak English--Sorry, I know its insensitive, but the letter was in English, and you gotta expect the guy on the other end of the line to be speaking the same. Be prepared for that when you call.
7. People who are eating when they call me--Hey, if I call you and catch you on your lunch hour, I guess I can understand you being rude. Don't pick up the phone in the middle of your big mac and call me to fill you in on this thing. The same goes if you are cooking, washing dishes, or vaccuuming.
8. Mean people--I know it sounds funny, but some people are just predisposed to hate everyone and are in a bad mood all the time. I have no time in my life for people who are willing to be rude to a complete stranger on the phone when the stranger has given you no reason to do so. Go kick your cat, leave me alone.
9. Litigious idiots--I know in America "I'll sue you" has replaced "E Pluribus Unum," but really, what do you think the Attorney General's office is really going to do for you because we sent you a piece of unsolicited mail, or that said mail informed you your warranty "may have expired or may be expiring soon?" And don't give me the old Better Business Bureau or Channel 2 nonsense, either. You're going to get off the phone, yell at nobody, and sit there and take it like we all do.
10. Ridiculously Old People--I'm going to catch some flak for this, but hear me out. I ask "how long do you plan to drive the car" I am tired of hearing "till I die." It makes me uncomfortable trying to gauge your longevity in order to schill my wares. And quit telling me you are on a fixed income. It sounds stupid. Almost everyone in the world is on a fixed income, no matter what their age.
11. People who want to share WAY too much information--I don't know what happened, one minute I'm telling you about coverage for your minivan, the next minute you are telling me the pastor molested your daughter. I REALLY don't want to know. And that goes double for divorcees, widows, widowers, and anyone else who wants to tell me their life story in 3 minutes. I….DO….NOT….CARE….. I have my own problems and have very little time for yours.