knobcore

Bio:

It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, KNOBCORE, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the fourth time it had happened. <[[[[[[iframe]]]]]] src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/likebox.php?href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fplatform&width=292&connections=10&stream=true&header=true&height=587" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="border:none; overflow:hidden; width:292px; height:587px;" allowTransparency="true">.. Feeling abnormally angered, KNOBCORE backhanded a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, he realized that his beloved DRUM MACHINE was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, HIS ARCH ENEMY. KNOBCORE had known HIS ARCH ENEMY for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were electric ones. HIS ARCH ENEMY was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... annoying. KNOBCORE called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

HIS ARCH ENEMY picked up to a very angry KNOBCORE. HIS ARCH ENEMY calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats turn red before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually wildly cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting KNOBCORE. Why was HIS ARCH ENEMY trying to distract KNOBCORE? Because he had snuck out from KNOBCORE's with the DRUM MACHINE only three days prior. It was a striking little DRUM MACHINE... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before KNOBCORE got back to the subject at hand: his DRUM MACHINE. HIS ARCH ENEMY yawned. Relunctantly, HIS ARCH ENEMY invited him over, assuring him they'd find the DRUM MACHINE. KNOBCORE grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, HIS ARCH ENEMY realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the DRUM MACHINE and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if KNOBCORE took the homemade car, he had take at least four minutes before KNOBCORE would get there. But if he took the SYNTHESIZERS? Then HIS ARCH ENEMY would be abundantly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, HIS ARCH ENEMY was interrupted by eleven oafish KITTIES that were lured by his DRUM MACHINE. HIS ARCH ENEMY turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he aimlessly reached for his carrot and aptly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the SYNTHESIZERS rolling up. It was KNOBCORE.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, KNOBCORE was out of the SYNTHESIZERS and went earnestly jaunting toward HIS ARCH ENEMY's front door. Meanwhile inside, HIS ARCH ENEMY was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the DRUM MACHINE into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his canoe. HIS ARCH ENEMY was displeased but at least the DRUM MACHINE was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' HIS ARCH ENEMY wildly purred. With a mighty push, KNOBCORE opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling rationality-deprived retard in a homemade car,' he lied. 'It's fine,' HIS ARCH ENEMY assured him. KNOBCORE took a seat frighteningly close to where HIS ARCH ENEMY had hidden the DRUM MACHINE. HIS ARCH ENEMY yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But KNOBCORE was distracted. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, HIS ARCH ENEMY noticed a dimwitted look on KNOBCORE's face. KNOBCORE slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

HIS ARCH ENEMY felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when KNOBCORE asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the DRUM MACHINE right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on KNOBCORE's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. KNOBCORE nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before HIS ARCH ENEMY could react, KNOBCORE aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The DRUM MACHINE was plainly in view.

KNOBCORE stared at HIS ARCH ENEMY for what what must've been four minutes. A few freaknasty minutes later, HIS ARCH ENEMY groped scandalously in KNOBCORE's direction, clearly desperate. KNOBCORE grabbed the DRUM MACHINE and bolted for the door. It was locked. HIS ARCH ENEMY let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, KNOBCORE,' he rebuked. HIS ARCH ENEMY always had been a little clueless, so KNOBCORE knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before HIS ARCH ENEMY did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he gripped his DRUM MACHINE tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

HIS ARCH ENEMY looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from KNOBCORE. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for KNOBCORE. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. HIS ARCH ENEMY walked over to the window and looked down. KNOBCORE was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, KNOBCORE was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind HIS ARCH ENEMY's place. KNOBCORE had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral KITTYs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the DRUM MACHINE. One by one they latched on to KNOBCORE. Already weakened from his injury, KNOBCORE yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of KITTIES running off with his DRUM MACHINE!!!

About two hours later, KNOBCORE awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and KNOBCORE did not know where he was. Deep in the hazy fanstic pumpkin patch, KNOBCORE was exceedingly lost. Giggling like schoolgirl, he remembered that his DRUM MACHINE was taken by the KITTIES. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big KITTY emerged from the haunted thicket. It was the alpha KITTY. KNOBCORE opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when it sunk its teeth into KNOBCORE's armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from KNOBCORE's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than nine miles away, HIS ARCH ENEMY was entombed by anguish over the loss of the DRUM MACHINE. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dangerous oil-soaked rag. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about KNOBCORE... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the DRUM MACHINE that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant KITTYs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.

Little did they know though, the KITTIES uploaded KNOBCORE's consciousness in a computer. After twenty two years of advancement in technology, his brain grew to the point that he could use a software DRUM MACHINE!

.. LOLz!!1

Member Since:

May 14, 2010

Influences:

Electronica.

Sounds Like:

Everything in a blender.