When Little Kunt gets on your tits, smack him over the fucking head
Influences
The Macc Lads, Silicon Teens, Viz, Jilted John, Carry On films, Nursery Rhymes and Carol Vorderman.
Sounds Like
"Just when you thought all the great choruses had been used, Kunt and the Gang arrive to show Coldplay how it's done in jaw-dropping, potty mouthed style."
NME
"Life-affirmingly puerile stuff, set to one of the most infectious and upbeat melodies imaginable."
CHARLIE BROOKER IN THE GUARDIAN
"A one man filth machine...the perfect soundtrack to a drunken lads' night in."
BIZARRE
"Our favorite band - for at least ten minutes last Friday..."
ROLLING STONE
"The child in me was in hysterics but the rest of me couldn't stop wincing."
MUSICTRUTH.CO.UK
"Imagine The Macc Lads singing along to a Casio Keyboard... lyrically insane from start to finish."
PUNKGLOBE WEBZINE
"SINGER'S VULGAR STAGE NAME SPARKS OUTRAGE"
BASILDON ECHO
"Kunt miraculously comes across as a pleasant young man who just happens to enjoy swearing, masturbating over ladies on television and offering himself to celebrities."
THE SKINNY
"Immense respect is due simply for being willing to cavort through town dressed as Fred and Rose West."
B3TA.COM
"Like early-80s era Depeche Mode trying to be prosecuted under obscenity laws, Kunt and his puppet pal Little Kunt perform routines about everything from Fred West to Carol Vorderman. Politically correct it isn't but your guilty sniggers will soon turn to belly laughs as improbably surreal scenarios are played out."
GUARDIAN GUIDE
"...they make some of the most addictive, clever and downright bizarre electro pop punk around..."
BIG CHEESE
"From Basildon to Baghdad, by the end of the year Kunt's gonna be on
everybody's lips..."
FIESTA
"...a musical exhibition in the permanently perverted."
AUDIO SCRIBBLER
"A cult in the making"
BENT MAGAZINE
"If the Daily Mail saw any of this they would have enough for a year of campaigning!"
NEGATIVE REACTION FANZINE
"Forget Cock-Rocking, Kunt-Popping is bound to be the biggest thing
this year. Remember where you heard it first."
KNAVE
"I am not even going to review this shit."
ANDY MALCOLM, COLLECTIVE ZINE
"...a cacophony of smut that'd make Jim Davidson blush"
NOISY FANZINE
"...you won't hear any other artist extol the virtues of Geoff Capes's pubes"
THE SKINNY
"Calling [Kunt and the Gang] adolescent would be an insult to most teenagers in the country."
DIE SHELLSUIT DIE FANZINE
"Kunt sings with the combined earnestness of the entire Open University staff about sex and serial killers."
IS THIS MUSIC WEBZINE
"If Kunt doesn't receive a Brit in the next two years I'll lick my
dog's bollocks."
BINGO, FIESTA
"...this record could make even a stroke victim smile."
SUBBA-CULTCHA WEBZINE
"The sexiest band of all time... or just some gimp with his knob out?"
TEXTUAL MOLESTER
"Imagine, er, Momus crossed with Depeche Mode, Benny Hill, Ronnie Barker and Roy Chubby Brown and youre somewhere on the way to the schoolboyish toilet and onanism transfixed filth that drives this whole venture on."
SOUNDS XP
i always knew i was a handsome bastard and here's the fuckin proof!
and for anyone that ever thought little kunt was a bit effeminate...
Have a little fiddle with your joystick over Ms. Pacman...
If you've scrolled down this far you're either bored to fuckery or the boss is out on lunch. Why not waste some more time leaving a message with our fridge magnets that some other cunt is going to come along and wipe off in about ten minutes?
It's a good job you can't see inside our fridge because you'd see that it's actually full of dead gay men's body parts just like Dennis Nilsen. There's a cock and bollocks wrapped in clingfilm that me and little kunt are gonna have for lunch tomorrow with some pesto.
-----------------------------------
Welcome to the Jade Goody Memorial Garden.
This part of our Myspace is dedicated to the memory of Little Kunt's favourite deceased reality TV star Jade Goody. We encourage you to join in with the activities and feel free to use our Myspace comments to share your reminiscences of the new people's princess and help keep her memory alive.
Jade had a wonderful sense of fun and fashion, and these two things are combined with our interactive Jade makeover salon.
Here's a couple that we did earlier...
Please look at the six Jades below, decide which makeover is crappest and replace with a style of your choosing then click save. You can also leave your own mourning message underneath, or a slogan, catchphrase or clue to who it's supposed to be.
Now, you choose the hairdo!
If you have any memories or pictures of Jade you would like to share please post them in our Myspace comments.
YOU CAN GET ALL THE SONGS ON THIS PAGE AND MORE ON KUNT AND THE GANG'S ALBUMS
JUST CUT AND PASTE www.kuntandthegang.co.uk INTO YOUR BROWSER - as tom's disabled our link!!
You can pay by Paypal or secure credit card payment thru Paypal.
OUR NEW ALBUM - "HERE'S ONE I KNOCKED OUT EARLIER" - IS OUT NOW. YOU CAN ORDER IT FROM THE KUNTSHOP (cut and paste www.kuntandthegang.co.uk into your browser as tom's disabled the link!!), or iTUNES / CD BABY.
p.s. We're not trying to phish anyone's fucking myspace password, what a bag of bollocks!
"Use My Arse...", "Fucksticks", and "Arranged Bride" were all by Kunt and Mike Fordham - he's in our top chums so if you want a quote for a vid drop him a line, he's not as much of a cunt as he looks.
I use this special love clock to time my wanks over Carol.
They say practice makes perfect and they're right, I can go from soft to milk in under 45 seconds!
Back in the 90's two friends, fed up with the production line pop of Take That and Boyzone, decided to form a band. So Kunt (who had cut his teeth with Essex rude boys Serious Problem) and his cousin Andy Kunt (formerly of seminal punk band The Rape Babies) formed Pubic Cube. Their slightly risque take on pop music didn't help in getting any gigs so they took to playing talent contests, leaving a trail of offended tone-deaf karaoke singers, crap amateur magicians and piss-poor local comedians in their wake. Pubic Cube disbanded in 1996 after an audience of 250 people walked out of Basildon's Towngate Theatre during the band's rendition of the Serious Problem standard 'Take That are Cunts'.
Kunt and Andy Kunt decided to regroup in 2003 under the moniker Kunt and the Gang. Shortly after, Kunt was rushed to hospital with agonising stomach pains and was found to have a parasitic twin who had been living inside him since birth. The parasitic twin was removed and came out covered in blood, shit and sweetcorn. Unfortunately it survived and was christened 'Little Kunt'. Little Kunt was full of resentment about being stuck up Kunt's colon for 30 years and so set about a smear campaign to turn best buds Kunt and Andy Kunt against each other. Andy Kunt could see what was happening and quit to move to the Kuntryside.
Kunt soldiered on with Little Kunt taking over Andy Kunt's BV's and the duo were invited to play their first gig at their spiritual home, Basildon's Castlemayne pub, supporting Retail Outlet in December 2003. It was a residency at the same pub in 2004 that saw a flurry of A+R interest which led to them releasing their debut album 'I have a little wank and I have a little cry' in 2005 on indie label Disco Minge Records.
Against the advice of his mum, Audrey Roberts from Coronation Street, Kunt did an interview for the first issue of new magazine 'Textual Molester'.
It's out now, to read an excerpt go to the press section at www.kuntandthegang.co.uk
or click the covers to go the TM site to order...
Kunt
Little Kunt
And just in case you need you waste any more of your company's time...
This is just what it'd be like working in Yo! Sushi...
The Guardian gig guide promised me "minimalist electro punk" at your gig on Monday. I thought you might be taking a new direction, but no, we still got the witty foul-mouthed plinky-plonk odes to masturbation and sex. Still, it's what you're best at so no complaints from me.
ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!!!!!!! Fucking loon! We fucking luv it! Now you have finished sucking that long cheesy smelly cock here..s some little tit..s to make you feel better!
Michael Jackson apparently starting dying around the same time the first band went on at our album launch, then when we went upstairs after playing it was on the news that he had just popped his black/white clogs. I think this means that he has passed the torch to us, we're not that keen on becoming bankrupted paedos though....
