Cedrick Ilacad

-drix_bloodlust31

Im to depressed to go on, I live just to torture myself, I always get backstabbed and stepped on after losing a battle, Deep wounds still hurt after healing And some leave scars just to remind me of yesterday,I Always stay up late just to burn my lungs with cigarettes And sipping every last drop of beer from a glass But still nothing change And all Im left with are empty bottles and cigarette butts scattered around, I always dream seeing myself lying on the floor covered with my own blood, Staying alive is never a big deal for me, I hate everything thats happening in my life, I do deserve a stupid happy ending but, This suffering keeps on haunting me everyday, Spending my time alone in my room is the safest place for me, Listening to my favorite songs to relax myself and to ease the pain I keep inside, My happy stupid drunken memories are fading fast And people around me are changing But I choose to stay the same, I really dont know what I want And Im not content with what I have, My only weapons to survive are my family and friends, Ive got few plans but Im not so worthy enough to achieve some goals, I always ask myself why before making some decisions because The thought of losing and making a mistake leads me trembling in vain, Im stuck in a place where my life leads nowhere, A place full of rage anxiety and despair, Im weak because my enemies throw words like Daggers,knives,and axes, They cut me million times just to see me in pain, My misery is their rejoice, Yup! Ive been to hell, a war against myself making me gloomy. I feel so sorry for myself; Im so young and hopeless. My lifes empty pages are waiting to be filled, and I cant think of anything to write, I cant go on like this, im so weak, suicide is the only answer when you got nothing to live for, My suffering is at its peak and im hopelessly crying wishing it would stop, And now my bodies getting tired as I try to fight back, where did I go wrong? Is this my karma? Am I cursed to suffer and anguish? I wish I had time alone, Il kill myself so I can be happy in my next life, il keep drinking till im out of control and Taking a bloodbaths all I wanna do, lacerating myself isnt enough so il scream dance and Bounce off the walls while stabbing myself till I bleed to death, I fantasize for my own death To escape reality, disguising my mistakes with what im good at; thats what I do for a living, Im so fucked up I can see myself crying all the time, my sensitivity is tearing me apart making Me different from others, my simplicity made good friends that helped me all the way but, Sometimes my heroes are too busy with their own lives leaving me defenseless against enemies, And now im so far away alone tired and dying, how I wish I can lie down and rest in my grave as maggots Will soon eat me as I rot, my weaknesses made others strong while their pity made me even worst, I have cursed this life of mine because everything's just not right, my world is black and im like a Broken glass stuck in one place where no one will come and try to fix it, I want to live again, I want to start all over again, all I wanted in life is to be happy with out worries nor fear, No distractions at all to make the best accomplishments, I want to see myself smiling in my Reflection again, il accept the world as it is and life as I know it, sometimes I get so tired fighting For everything to be ok but im still here trying to find ways to make my life worth living.