Lambda Project

Who I'd like to meet:

I first became aware of my sexuality shortly before the prom of my junior year. My best friend Liz and I were extremely close, closer than most friends normally are, I should think. I was hurting, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was feeling strangely towards Liz, a feeling I had never felt before. I knew it wasn’t infatuation, for infatuation would make me giddy, make me stammer, blush, have "butterflies" in my stomach. I didn’t have any of these feelings. I eventually came to realize that what I felt for her was indeed love, true love. 'Perhaps it was just a sisterly sort of love?' you might ask. But no, I had too many intimate dreams involving her and I for it to be something as simple as sisterly love. When I finally mustered the courage to ask her to go to prom with me, to my utmost delight, she agreed. I was euphoric, feeling as if I could take on the world. We even exchanged vows of love. I wished it would never end. Just a few days before prom, Liz confessed that she wasn't bisexual anymore, that she didn't love me and I should never touch her again. I think the latter was the hardest part of it all; I had become so used to hugging her. I felt betrayed, ruined. I never thought she would do something so cruel, so horrid. She crushed my heart under her boot; not realizing what harm it would do to me emotionally. My friends and family know, and they do not mind at all, but I go to a Catholic school now, and I would be teased and tormented severely if I let something like this out to the public. I am not ashamed of who I am, not by any means, but I don’t want to be constantly questioned and annoyed by people because of it. I feel slightly betrayed when people repress their sexuality. It makes me feel hurt, like they don't want to be part of my "group," if you will. I think everyone should support one another, and that’s difficult to do when someone says, "Eww, I hate myself because of this and I want it to go away." This happened with my best friend, a nice Catholic girl. She was scared, frightened of not conforming, of not being the model Catholic girl. Several days after finally confessing to me that she was bisexual, she told me that she was no longer bisexual, that feeling that way about other girls was wrong. After I got over the depression of the whole ordeal, I thought sarcastically, "Hmm, amazing how one can swoosh a magic wand around and magically make their sexuality go away." My sexuality is a part of who I am. For someone to be ashamed of themself is to be miserable, but if you love yourself, then the world is yours. I am proud of myself every time I hear any typically homophobic person spouting obscenities and telling me that I am "not right," that I am wrong for feeling how I do. Wrong? I ask myself. How can loving someone purely and unconditionally be wrong, be unclean, dirty, unnatural? To be blunt, I believe those who are so disgusted with me are the unnatural ones.

copywrited 2000-2006 by J.R. Teeter