Carbuncle
Lance Carbuncle
Lance Carbuncle Is it really supposed to be all bumpy and moist like that?

Male
41 years old
Tampa, Florida
United States

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Last Login: 11/16/2009
Mood: regular Mood Image
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    Carbuncle's Interests
GeneralMaking eye contact with people on elevators. Sniffing my finger after digging in my bellybutton. Toasting stale bread. Consuming canned food purchased at the dollar store. Talking to myself in public. Warm, dark, quiet rooms.
MusicMrs. Miller, Robert Johnson, R.L. Burnside, Mike Doughty/Soul Coughing, St. Germain, Black Sabbath, Sublime, The White Stripes, Richard Cheese, Ween, The Kinks, Modest Mouse, Frank Zappa, Reverend Horton Heat, Faith No More, Joe Strummer, The Safety Dance.
MoviesShaun of the Dead, Wristcutters, Desperado, Kingpin, The Unforgiven, Anchorman, Terror of Tiny Town, Frailty, Freddy Got Fingered
TelevisionLancelot Link, Dexter, The Sopranos, UFC, Upright Citizens Brigade, Jeopardy, No Reservations, History Channel
BooksA Pickle for the Knowing Ones, Slapstick, Memoirs from an Ant Proof Case, The Divine Child, Cold Dog Soup
HeroesCol. Hogan and Mr. T

     Carbuncle's Details
Status:Married
Here for:Networking, Friends
Orientation:Straight
Body type:8' 11" / More to love!
Ethnicity:Other
Religion:Other
Zodiac Sign:Virgo
Occupation:Competitive Yodeler

   Carbuncle's Networking
Publishing - Writer - Novelist




Carbuncle My name is Lance. Mr. Carbuncle if you're nasty. Posted at 5:58 PM Feb 16
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Really funny shit from bloggers turned authors  (view more)

Better than anal  (view more)

Grundish and Askew signed copy giveaway  (view more)

Grundish and Askew cover  (view more)

Grundish and Askew Prologue  (view more)

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   Carbuncle's Blurbs
About me:
Carbuncle is the author of Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed. Carbuncle’s stories are channeled through a pathetic little man who has to work a respectable job during the days in order to feed the infestation of children in his house. Photobucket Signed copies now available at Lancecarbuncle.com. Also available at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and at Haslam's bookstore in St. Petersburg, Florida. .. ..


PRAISE FOR SMASHED, SQUASHED, SPLATTERED, CHEWED, CHUNKED AND SPEWED.

"A charmingly sick odyssey through the friendliest Hell you ever met."
Mykle Hansen- Author of Help! A Bear is Eating Me.

"This is one of the best road books I've ever read. The story is amazing yet somehow believable, the characters are instantly likable. Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed is full of dark humor that will make you laugh out loud and grimace simultaneously."
Marcus Eder- Author of Rorschach’s Ribs.

"Carbuncle's debut novel is simply laugh-out-loud funny! It may not be the book you want to give to your conservative grandfather on his birthday, but for the rest it offers a roller-coaster ride of substance abuse and bizarre happenings. Fans of Carl Hiaasen and Hunter S. Thompson will surely love this book."
A.F. Rutzy- Author of End Credits.

"Like On the Road as seen through the prism of a carnival sideshow."
Bradley Sands- Author of It Came from Below the Belt and Editor-in-Chief of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens.

"Seriously f#@*ed up fun! Prepare to be let down by the book you read after it."
Scott Carpenter- Author of Mr. Undesirable

“Wow! That was quite a ride. I feel the need to shower and call my mother, but I'm smiling! ”
Rhonda, Really- Myspace member, Reader, Reviewer, and woman with phobia related to Toby Keith’s giant teeth

"I'd definitely recommend this book. It reads like it was written by an odd bastard child of Jack Black and Christopher Moore. I read it in one sitting. ONCE I STARTED I COULD NOT STOP."
May I Bleed Ink- Myspace member, Reader, Reviewer, an all around cool guy

"[A] modern epic journey that puts Homer's Odyssey to shame. SSSCCaS follows the voyage of one man trying to get back to his canine soul mate, and the interactions he has with those he meets along the way. Snarky, witty, and riotous, leaves you with the feeling of time well spent. Should come with a warning label. CAUTION: Author not responsible for any injury, or loss of dignity incurred while reading in public. Under no circumstances should one eat or drink while reading. Doing so may result in trouble breathing, choking or death."
Artoria-Amazon.com reviewer

"Loved it can't wait for the next one! Smashed Squashed Splattered Chewed Chunked and Spewed is the best book I have read in a while... I laughed and went through the book in record speed. The book itself keeps you spellbound and its very hard to put down. I recommend it highly. Definitely check out Lance Carbuncle the man is a genius and I cant wait until the next book!"
Terrapin-Station- Myspace member, Reader, Reviewer and super-groovy hippie chick

"I read a book called Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed this weekend. Granted it was the first book I have read in quite some time, it was by far the BEST book I have ever read! Everyone needs to check it out... Check it out my peeps!"
P. Rose- Myspace member, Reader, Reviewer and Intelligent Gentleman

"Smashed is the funniest book I have ever read. I couldn't put it down. It has a hilarious cast of characters and even crazier events that are all masterfully wound together. If you have a weird sense of humor BUY THIS BOOK NOW!!!!"
Stephen Simon- Reader, Reviewer and Mixologist Extraordinaire

Often hilarious, always fun, Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed is a honkin' good time from start to finish. With tons of pop-culture references; dark, twisted humor; and insanely well developed characters; Lance Carbuncle brings home a great first novel. Fans of Christopher Moore, Robert Tacoma, and Tim Dorsey will find joy in Carbuncle's pages. This is one wild and zany (road)trip you won't want to miss!
Citizen Dan- Myspace Reader, Reviewer and Man who craves himself some Grape Drank


.. ..

Who I'd like to meet:
A person who has survived a parachute malfunction. Roy "The Fingerless Fiddler" Thackery. Mr. T. Lori/Dori Chappelle. Stephen King. Bridget the Midget. A talking dog. An Organ Grinder with a smoking monkey. Frank Zappa's ghost. A ghost. Richard Cheese. Writers, readers and creative people.

   Carbuncle's Friend Space (Top 36)
Carbuncle has 4537 friends.
 Sister Mary Catherine 


 Seven is magic! 


 Frank 


 vicious books 


 *!*Lips likε Morphinε*!* 


 Leah 


 Steve 


 Farfignuggen 


 Darquewillow Elventhing 


 jamie 


 Don 


 the Reverend Marcus 


 Lei Lani 


 L. Brooks 


 Cherilyn 


 TNBBC 


 Darkroom Project 


 Angela Roquet 


 Miguel Bizarre™ 


 May I Bleed Ink 


 Calypso the Rhinestone Pirat LovesMajesticNarwhals 


 strawfoot 


 Arana 


 *rachel!! 


 Alan 


 Jillena 


 La Chilindrina 


 carrie faye 


 Steevee Ramone 


 C.B. Smith 


 Bradley Sands, Bizarro Author 


 Christopher Moore 


 Andersen Prunty 


 Scott 


 Dreams of Vegas daily 


 sam 





Carbuncle's Friends Comments
Displaying 25 of 644 comments  ( View All | Add Comment )
lotus rose, bizarro writer, cupcake musher

Lotus Rose



Nov 12 2009 5:31 AM


Check out my page
http://www.doulike.us/photos/5795759.html?b=4&w=46




Let me know if you like me YES or NO
http://www.doulike.us/photos/5795759.html?b=4&w=46

Miguel Bizarre™

Miguel Bizarre



Sep 17 2009 1:55 PM

On page 122 of GRUNDISH & ASKEW...
Love Turleen and how Askew is using his feet to do everything after that beat down he did on the fool at the trailer park.
Amazing writing and creativity!!!
Miguel Bizarre™

Miguel Bizarre



Sep 3 2009 5:16 PM

I ordered the new book of yours yesterday (Grundish & Askew) Cant wait to read it!!!
Aaron [AMMO]..Passion at Gunpoint

Aaron Cassel



Sep 2 2009 2:11 AM

Your book sounds awsome. Can't wait to read it !!!
Steve

Steve



Aug 30 2009 5:31 AM

So happy to hear that the new book is done! I can hardly keep from peeing my bed now!  Finally the night terrors will stop!
BAYSIDE HAUNTS Paranormal Investigations

Bayside Haunts Paranormal Investigations



Aug 27 2009 2:16 PM

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
...FaR OuT...

Johnny Onacid



Aug 26 2009 3:58 PM

Thank u Lance;)
MargaretOh

MargaretOh



Jul 23 2009 10:38 PM

thanks for making me laugh :)
Cindy

Cynthia Bombarger



Jul 20 2009 7:58 PM

Love, love, love your page. Sick and demented, my kind of friend!!!!
Farfignuggen

Alison Mills



Jul 18 2009 7:42 PM

http://dlisted.com/node/33013
Kimi 2

Kimi Harrison



Jul 9 2009 8:03 PM

Thankyou Mr carbuncle, for joining my second page, hugs 'ME' XXX
Farfignuggen

Alison Mills



Jul 9 2009 3:47 PM

Hey Carbuncle! What's happenin? Haven't messaged you in a while...I'm really excited about the new book! Hope everything's cool on your end. TTYS, Al
Andrea

Andrea



Jul 1 2009 8:19 PM

Be happy and laugh often... Life is truly beautiful! Very nice to meet you, Lance...

Love,Peace&Light ~Andrea~
Miguel Bizarre™

Miguel Bizarre



Jun 27 2009 7:56 PM

Ordered Daniel Clausen's book
The Lexical Funk and looking forward to reading it.
Also waiting for your next creation!!!
Have a great weekend!!!
kimi

kimi



Jun 23 2009 5:17 PM

Thanks for the request, the friend request that is lol. I lived in florida last year for three months. look forward to reading your work.. hugs kimi xx
Melanie

Melanie



Jun 20 2009 1:09 AM

Thank you for the friend request..I am deeply honored and I can't wait to read you!
Kemet Story

Michael Book



Jun 6 2009 7:35 PM

Have a great weekend!
Scott Nicholson

Scott Nicholson



May 26 2009 8:15 PM

hello Lance!
Cami

Camryn Mila



May 26 2009 4:28 PM

hi gapa i love u see u soon
vlvvvpcpvcvokobvovbopvboivobioviobibvibvibvioibiobivbiivboivovbioibvboibvoibvobvibvoibbooivoibvoibibiii
QbaQ

Kuba QbaQ



May 16 2009 5:12 PM

Greetings from Poland
Thnx for add
Dawn

Dawn Mosher



May 16 2009 3:47 PM

Hi Lance, thanks for the friend request. Is your avatar a painting of you? Have a great weekend.
Maestro

Maestro



May 7 2009 1:22 AM

Mr. Carb Uncle:

I'm working on my new book, "Retroactive Gravity: A Beginnner's Guide" & wondered how you handle it when up & down get all inverted (I've been on this damned ceiling for days and can't seem to keep anything in my pockets).

Sincerely,
A. Gregorian
giuseppe

giuseppe



May 5 2009 3:56 PM

thangs for the request!!! amicalement giuseppe
Graveyard Tales

Graveyard Tales



Apr 22 2009 9:24 PM

Thanks for accepting the request. If you have any short stories, poetry, or artwork collecting dust within your mind or computer maggots on your desktop or laptop, then send them our way. Deadline for submission is July 30. Check out our homepage and blog for more information.


The Graveyard Team
Lattie Odell

Lattie Odell



Apr 22 2009 2:47 AM

HI "CARBUNCLE"
THANKS SO MUCH FOR BRINGING ME ON BOARD AS A FRIEND!! I LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING TO KNOW YOU AND I DO HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO ENJOY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF MY COMEDIC BLOG POSTINGS!

*please consider this my personal invitation to SUBSCRIBE to my blog so that you can be updated each and every time I post*

THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SUPPORT!
~Lattie~
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