WELCOME TO LET'S STOP BULLYING

HOW TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

If you are being bullied, tell a friend, tell a teacher and tell your parents. It won't stop unless you do. It can be hard to do this so if you don't feel you can do it in person it might be easier to write a note to your parents explaining how you feel, or perhaps confide in someone outside the immediate family, like a grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin and ask them to help you tell your parents what's going on.

Your form tutor needs to know what is going on so try to find a time to tell him/her when it won't be noticeable. You could stay behind on the pretext of needing help with some work. If you don't feel you can do that, then go to the medical room and speak to the school nurse.

The best idea is if a teacher can catch the bullies red-handed. That way, you won't get into bother from anyone for telling tales. It will be clear to everyone what has been going on. Don't be tempted to hit back because you could get hurt or get into trouble. Hitting someone is an assault.

Try to stay in safe areas of the school at break and lunchtime where there are plenty of other people. Bullies don't like witnesses. If you are hurt at school, tell a teacher immediately and ask for it to be written down. Make sure you tell your parents.



Plans to beat the bullies

School yard victims of bullying are to be given a voice by new Royal Borough proposals to tackle the problem.

The Royal Borough has been stung into action by reports that as many as 64 per cent of school children in the area have been affected by bullying.

One suggestion on a comprehensive list of strategies endorsed by cabinet members last week, was to have a dedicated anti-bullying coordinator who will visit schools and work with victims, parents and perpetrators to tackle the fundamental cause of abuse.

Another plan is to bid for lottery funding for peer performance workshops where senior school pupils will work with younger pupils to combat bullying.

POINTERS TO A BULLYING PROBLEM

1,Coming home with cuts and bruises

2,Torn clothes

3,Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced

4,'Losing' dinner money

5,Falling out with previously good friends

6,Being moody and bad tempered

7, Wanting to avoid leaving the house

8,Aggression with brothers and sisters

9,Doing less well at schoolwork

10,Insomnia

11,Anxiety

12,Being quiet and withdrawn



It’s great to send texts and emails, there are loads of great websites and newsletters We are able to keep in touch with our mates, we can do more and, of course, we can go online and read need2know.

Some people, however, use technology in a bad way and with cyber bullying on the increase, Here some guidelines for dealing with it and staying safe online.

Cyber bullying can take many forms. Abusive text messages, poisonous emails, hate sites and aggressive instant messaging are all ways in which the person suffering the bullying can be made to feel uncomfortable, alone and scared.



DON’T BE CYBER BULLIED, DON’T BE A CYBER BULLY

Three things to remember when you're online or on the phone.

1. Respect other people - online and off. Don’t spread rumours about people or share their secrets, including their phone numbers and passwords.

2. If someone insults you online or by phone, stay calm and ignore them.

3. ‘Do as you would be done by.’ Think how you would feel if you were bullied. You’re responsible for your own behaviour: make sure you don’t distress other people or cause them to be bullied by someone else.

4. If it's happening to you, the first thing to remember is that it’s not your fault. It's the person doing the bullying that's got the problem, not you.



IF YOU RECEIVE NASTY E-MAILS.

Never reply to unpleasant or unwanted emails because a response is just what the sender's looking for.

Keep the emails as evidence and tell someone you trust what's been going on.

Contact your email provider's abuse team. You should be able to find out how to do this on your email homepage.

Don't reply to an email address you don't know, even if there's an option to 'unsubscribe', because this confirms to the sender that your email address does exist.



IF YOU GET HASSLED IN A CHATROOM OR OVER INSTANT MESSAGING

Don't give out any personal details online; you should use a nickname in chatrooms.

Don't accept emails or open files from someone you don't know.

Remember that people in chatrooms might not really be who they say they are.

If someone starts acting weird or making you feel uncomfortable, get out of the chatroom straight away and tell someone.

Think before you write: don't leave yourself open to bullying.



IF YOU GET DODGY PHONE CALLS AND CREEPY TEXTS.

If you get an abusive or silent call, don't hang up straight away. Instead, put your phone down somewhere and leave it for a few minutes, then hang up or turn your phone off. Once they realise that they aren't bothering you, callers usually get bored and leave you alone.

Always tell someone each time it happens.

Don't give out your personal details to just anyone. Be selective about who gets your phone number.

If someone calls you and asks you to confirm your number, ask them what number they want and tell them whether they're right.

Screen your calls by letting your voicemail kick in if you don't recognise the number calling you. If it's a mate, they'll leave a message. Don't give out your name on your voicemail message.

Make a note of times and dates of calls that make you feel uncomfortable and report them to the police.

Keep all abusive texts and show them to your parents. If they become threatening or malicious and won't stop, report them to the police and show them all the messages you've received.



HOW TO SPOT A BULLY IN YOUR WORKPLACE.

If you have a serial bully on the staff they will reveal themselves by their department showing excessive rates of staff turnover.

sickness absence

stress breakdowns

deaths in service

ill-health retirements

early retirements

uses of disciplinary procedures

grievances initiated

suspensions

dismissals

uses of private security firms to snoop on employees

litigation including employment tribunals or legal action against employees.

FOR PARENTS IF A CHILD COMPLAINS OF BEEN BULLIED.(USA)

If there are cuts and bruises, attend to them first. If the injury merits it, or if there is damage to clothing or possessions, take color photographs.

Without overreaction, convey to the child that you are angry about the bullying sympathetic with the problem and will take appropriate action. Never blame your child, the target, or suggest you cannot help.

Do not promise to keep the incident a secret. Explain that this protects the bully who is counting on the child to remain silent.

Find out what, when and where it happened, who was involved and if there were witnesses. Ask what response your child made and whether the incident is one of a series.

Make an appointment with the school principal or staff member who handles parent complaints. Give them a written report of the bullying incident. Make detailed notes of the reaction of the school personnel to your complaint. Include names, staff position, and date. (Lawson, 1994)

Contact the parents of the bully. Some will react in a concerned and cooperative way and will make reparation for the damaged possessions, but many will not. In the latter case, point out that what has happened is an assault, that you are reporting the bullying to the school, and it could become a matter for the police.

If neither the parents nor the school personnel show appropriate concern followed by action, go higher in the school administration.

If this proves unsuccessful, send a copy of the report of all events to date to the police for their files and advise them that you are seeing a lawyer. If money is a problem, low cost legal help is available in most cities.

Under Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1992, schools have a legal responsibility to ensure that a non-hostile environment is available to all students.

TYPES OF BULLYING

Verbal Bullying

...can leave children feeling angry, frightened and powerless, if children are unable to share their feelings with someone else it can leave them emotionally bruised and exhausted. Their powers of concentration can suffer, adversely affecting their capacity for learning. Verbal attacks can be of a highly personal and sexual nature. They can be directed at the child's family, culture, race or religion. Malicious rumours are particularly insidious forms of verbal bullying.

Physical Bullying

...is often written off as "horseplay", "pretend" or "just a game" when challenged. While children can and do play roughly, in the case of bullying be aware that these 'games' can be a precursor to vicious physical assaults. Both boys and girls indulge in physical bullying, boys perhaps more so as they have a greater tendency towards physical aggression.

Gesture Bullying

...there are many different forms of non-verbal threatening gestures which can convey intimidatory and frightening messages, i.e. The state or look which accompanies bullying behaviour.

Exclusion Bullying

...is particularly hurtful because it isolates the child from his/her peer group and is very hard for the child to combat as it directly attacks their self confidence/self image.

Extortion Bullying

...young children are particularly vulnerable to extortion bullying. Demands for money, possessions or equipment, lunch vouchers or food may be made, often accompanied by threats. Children may also be dared or forced to steal from the school leaving them (at the mercy of the bully) open to further intimidation.

E-bullying

...in an ever more technologically advanced world, a new strain of bullying has emerged amongst children, which utilises web pages, emails and text messaging to abuse, intimidate and attack others, either directly or indirectly i.e. rumour mongering.

WHY DO PEOPLE BULLY?

While constitutional factors play a part in aggressive behaviour, it is recognised that factors within the home, school and wider society influence the development of aggressive behaviour. If aggressive behaviour is not challenged in childhood, there is a danger that it may become habitual. Indeed, there is research evidence, to indicate that bullying during childhood puts children at risk of criminal behaviour and domestic violence in adulthood.

Factors which contribute to aggressive behaviour in the home are:

Lack of love and care

Too much freedom

Inconsistent discipline

Permissive management of aggressive behaviour

Violent emotional outbursts on part of adults

Excessive physical punishment

Cruelty

Factors which contribute to aggression in school are

Inconsistent and inflexible rules

Poor staff morale

Inadequate supervision

Punishment that is too harsh, abusive or humiliating

Few incentives and rewards for non-aggressive behaviour

Curriculum that affords few feelings of success and achievement

Other factors in wider society include violence portrayed on cinema screens and on television. Research suggests that children who constantly view violence on TV and video develop more aggressive tendencies and less empathy with victims of aggression. This is especially true of children who experience violence in their home and their neighbourhood as part and parcel of their daily lives.

BULLYING AT SCHOOL IN IRELAND : HOW WIDESPREAD IS IT?

The Nationwide Study of Bullying in Irish first and second level schools conducted by Dr Mona O'Moore in Trinity College Dublin indicates that some 31% of Primary Students and 16% of Secondary Students have been bullied at some time. From our circa 870,000 school going population, approximately 23% or 200,000 children are at risk of suffering the ill effects of bullying. (For more information contact The A.B.C, Trinity College)

WHERE DOES BULLYING TAKE PLACE?

Bullying can occur almost anywhere, but particularly where there is either inadequate or no adult supervision. Results from the Nationwide Study on Bullying Behaviour in Irish Schools (O'Moore, 1997) show that in Primary schools in Ireland 74% of children who said they were bullied, reported that they were bullied in the playground. While 31% claimed that the bullying occurred in the classroom. At Secondary level the most common place to be bullied was in the classrooms, with 47% of victimised children placing the incidents there. The next most likely place, at 37%, was in the corridors, with the playground at 27%. Other areas, within the school, where children reported bullying to go on, at both levels, included the toilets, changing rooms, locker areas and dormitories in boarding schools. 19% of primary school children who said they were bullied said that the incidents occurred going to or from school, while 8.8% of post-primary students said the same.

WHAT PARENTS CAN DO?

Prevention is better than cure. Empower schools to act

...remember, your child can be either the victim or the bully, we all have the ability to bully others within us. Make sure that your child's school has the policy and the programme in place that ensures that, ineither eventuality, your child's problems will be identified and acted upon.

Empower pupils to report incidents

...statements to children like 'you shouldn't tell tales' and discouraging "whistleblowing" at a young age, can have detrimental repercussions when it comes to incidents of bullying. Always make it clear to your children that it is always right to tell when they see something wrong.

Discuss Bullying Behaviour with your children

...make them aware that bullying is not simply "physical" and discuss what kind of effects it can have.

Challenge every incident of Bullying Behaviour that is witnessed

...lead by example. Where you see negative behaviour highlight it.

Be aware of your own behaviour.

...don't confuse your children by talking one way and acting another, avoid inconsistent discipline and power-assertive methods of discipline. Exercise democracy in your home, give the children responsibility. Promote confidence and enhance their self esteem.

WHAT TO TELL CHILDREN IF THEY ARE BEING BULLIED

What to Do

Act as confident as you can. Face them and tell them clearly to stop. Try and be calm and move away from them.

Don't Hit Out

If someone is bullying you don't try to hit/kick them. You may get badly hurt in a fight and even if you don't, the bully can sometimes use how you hit them against you, and make it seem like you are the bully.

If They Call You Names

If they tease you or slag you off, try and laugh it off. Don't let them see that they have hurt you. Bullies like to get a reaction, if they don't get one there is no point in them bullying you.

Remember, It's Not About You

Often people who bully other people do it to make themselves feel better, because they are unhappy, at school or at home. Remember that they have the problem not you. Don't believe what they say to you, and don't blame yourself.

Tell Your Friends//People You Can Trust In Class

Tell them what is going on and how you feel. Ask them to come with you to tell a teacher if you are afraid. Ask them to stand up with you against the bully.

Tell Someone

If you're being bullied, try and tell someone about it.

Talk to :

Your parents

- Someone in your family

- Your teachers

- A Helpline

If your school has a peer mediation or mentoring program try to use it. No one can help you if you don't tell them.

Don't hit back with violence. Getting into a physical fight with someone can be dangerous.

If you are afraid to tell because it might make things worse, tell the person you talk to that you are afraid if they do anything it might make it worse, ask them to find a way to help you deal with it that won't.

What To Say When You Tell

- Tell them what has happened;

- Who is doing it;

- How often it has happened;

- Did anyone see or hear what went on

- Did anyone see or hear what went on

WHAT SCHOOLS SHOULD DO

There is no such thing as a bully-free school. Just because there are no reports of incidences or because they are not witnessed by school staff it does not mean it is not happening. The National Study on Bullying in Irish Schools reported that children often don't tell. All schools should implement the recommendations put in place by the Department of Education's Guidelines on Countering Bullying Behaviour in Primary and Post Primary Schools (Sept.1993).

Raise Awareness of Bullying in the School

...run an annual awareness week where various classes and events are run to increase knowledge of what bullying is and what impact it can have. Run competitions on the theme, in art, poetry, and prose. Combine with the children to write a play and perform it for the school. ...run a staff day for the teachers to deepen their understanding of the matter and solicit suggestions on how to proceed. Set up a working party. ...invite the parents, school management and wider community to an evening in the school to enlighten and inform on the subject and involve them in the drafting of the school policy.

Draft a School Policy on Bullying

...develop a whole school, pro-active and constantly evolving policy on bullying within the framework of an overall school code of behaviour and discipline. Involve and inform the parents and wider community.

This policy should include:

a clear definition of bullying and the forms it takes

a statement that bullying is unacceptable behaviour and that it will not be tolerated

that pupils should support each other by reporting all instances of bullying.

that all reports of bullying will be investigated and be dealt with sympathetically.

A clear statement on how the school will handle an alleged case of bullying.

Implement Preventative Measures

...apart from raising awareness, put in place programmes designed to help children view and deal with conflict in a positive manner.

...Give them the skills and the mandate to deal with some forms of conflict themselves. Put in place peer mediation or mentoring programmes.

(Many bullying incidents escalate out of small scale arguments/misunderstandings, if the children have the skills and the confidence to deal with them themselves, many bullying incidents could be prevented.

Classes could be a safer more co-operative place of learning and in addition, teachers would have to spend less time on small disputes and disciplinary measures, freeing up their time for teaching, benefiting all. )



Approximately half of these middle school students reported that they were bullied in the past month. About 7% reported being bullied several times a week.



Approximately one-third of the students admitted bullying someone in the past month. Only 4% reported bullying several times a week.



Approximately two-thirds of the students were not identified as victims by their classmates. Out of those who were identified as victims, about 75% were identified by 1 to 3 students, while 25% were identified by four or more students.



Approximately two-thirds of the students were not identified as bullies by their classmates. Out of those who were identified, about 75% were identified by 1 to 3 classmates and about 25% were identified by four or more students.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is when someone deliberately hurts or injures you. Hitting, kicking, beating with objects, throwing and shaking are all physical abuse, and can cause pain, cuts, bruising, broken bones and sometimes even death. No one has the right to hurt you in this way.

What is physical abuse? Physical abuse is when someone is hurting you. That could be hurting you with their hands, their feet, or an object - hitting, slapping, punching, pinching, kicking or suffocating you. It could include scalding or burning you or pulling your hair out. If someone makes you swallow something that hurts, or makes you ill, including giving you medicine when you are not ill or do not need it, that's physical abuse too. If this is happening to you, you might think that it's your fault. It isn't. No-one has the right to hurt you. If you speak out about physical abuse, there are people who care - they will listen to you and help you.

I'd always get the blame. If anything went wrong it would be my fault. She'd hit me, smack me, use whatever she could get her hands on... shoes, belts, whatever. My Dad didn't care, he said I deserved it. At school I used to wear trousers and jumpers to hide the bruises. I'd skive gym so no-one could see them. My teacher called her in one day, about my behaviour - I got a right kicking that night. She went mad. She beat me till my nose bled.

I ran away that night. They wouldn't care. I couldn't stand it anymore so I called ChildLine and I told them I wanted to go into care. The counsellor calmed me down and we talked for ages. I told her what had happened and how long it'd been going on for. She agreed to contact Social Services. They came and picked me up that night. Everything's better for me now. I'm glad I didn't hide it.

My friend is always covered in bruises - what should I do? Try to talk to them, in private, about the problem. If they are in trouble, or someone is hurting them, then you should tell someone you trust about it. You can call us or talk to someone else like a teacher or a friend's parent.

Does telling someone about something that's happening make me a grass?

No - anyone who tells you that, is just trying to stop themselves getting involved. If you or someone you know is being physically abused, keeping things quiet is not going to make the situation any better. If you find someone you trust and tell them about it, they can try and find a way to help.

I'm being physically abused, Is it my fault? No - no-one has the right to hurt somebody else.

Who can help me if I'm being physically abused? Talking about what's happening to you to someone responsible is the first step to making the abuse stop. Talk to an adult you trust such as a parent or teacher and tell them what is happening. The Police and Social Services are there to protect you from being abused in any way and you can talk to them about it. If you feel that you can't talk to them about what's happening or are too scared, you can call us and we can help.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is when someone tries to make you feel bad. This can be saying things on purpose to scare you, put you down, humiliate or hurt you. What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse is when someone tries to make you feel bad. This can be saying things to scare you, putting you down, embarrassing or humiliating you. This might be on purpose or without realising what they are saying or doing is making you feel bad. If someone is always telling you that you're ugly, or fat, or stupid, or worthless, or that they wish you'd never been born, that's emotional abuse. It's wrong, even if they are not doing it on purpose. If this is happening to you, you might think that it's your fault. It isn't. No-one has the right to emotionally abuse you. If you speak out about it, there are people who care - they will listen to you and help you.

I wish my mum had never left Dad for him. He was always criticising me, calling me names and stuff. It made me feel really depressed. I used to just go to my room and cry. I wanted to tell Mum about it but I didn’t want to upset her either. It must have been my fault – why else would he do it?

I’d cut myself to feel better. Not badly, but enough so it hurt. It would take my mind off things. My mates at school knew about me doing it. They said I should speak to Childline so someone could help me. I felt really bad, but I didn’t want to hide it anymore.

I really wanted it to stop so I called. I didn’t get through first time but I tried again until they picked up. I didn’t tell them everything at first. Just a little bit at a time. I began to open up more and more. They helped me build the confidence to talk to my dad. He helped sort things out. I live with him now. I’m happy.

What if no-one believes me?

It can be hard to explain why someone is making you feel bad. It might feel strange or embarrassing to talk about it, but we are here to listen to you, and you can say anything you want to your ChildLine counsellor. No-one is going to laugh at you or say they don't believe you.

I'm being emotionally abused, is it my fault?

No - no-one has the right to emotionally abuse you. My friend's Mum is always shouting and threatening her - is that emotional abuse? If your friend is scared or depressed because of the way her Mum treats her, this could be emotional abuse. The best thing to do is talk to your friend and suggest that they call ChildLine or talk to an adult they trust. If that doesn't work, talk to us yourself.