Dave of the Llamas

About me:

The saga of Big Dave, The Pontefract Llama Dresser is a long, long story. So we won't dwell.

Dave was born at an early age to parents of both sexes, in Pontefract hospital on 31st October 1980 (Halowe'en. Speaks volumes). The irregular heart rythm in the womb, and subsequent smack on the bonce with a concrete floor aged 6 may have done their part to contribute to his current state of insanity. Going through university in order to drink himself into a coma, Dave actually managed to get a degree in Politics at the end of it. This was a shock, as he'd intended studying Journalism.

..Some Salient Information About Big Dave The Pontefract Llama Dresser:..

* Dave was investigated into involvement in a ring smuggling illicit teacozies into the Soviet Bloc in the 1980s

* He once auditioned to be the rear half of Alan Whicker (after the accident), but declined the role due to the lack of a decent pension scheme

* He lists his hobbies as beer, girls, PlayStation and yelling at articulated lorries

* Jim NEVER fixed it for him. He still holds a grudge

* Once played a seven-hour poker hand with Russel T Davies, betting his car against looking rights into Freeyma Agyeman's dressing room (he hands the keys and log book over on Tuesday)

* Has a strange, intangible hatred of the number 47

* Is currently holding auditions for a comedy sidekick, but only if he's called Ron

* Almost got suspended from school, age seven, for starting a pontoon school using Monopoly money

* To this day doesn't know where his rosemary grows

* The death ray is in the works, and one day we shall all bow to him, his giant space station and fleet of natty orange space shuttles

* Only some of these facts are correct