Luciano Guidini
with the help of many people:
Ryan [H!]
Amanda Green
Michelle Kane
Jeff Rollason
Psyclone Ranger
Sasha Weisfeld
Rebeca Flux
T.V.
Rat Bastard
Dan Mcguire
Rick [H!]
Luis Prieto
Gilahd Yefet
Raphael Yefet
Robert de los Rios
Josh Xmas
Influences
Tom Waits, Patti Smith, The Birthday Party, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Keith Richards, Richard Hell, The Rolling Stones, Jim Carroll, The Moldy Peaches, Adam Green, Captain Beefheart, Dna, The Velvet Underground, Suicide, The Curious Hair,The Cramps, Ha Ha Help!, Johnny Thunders, Crass, 2PAC, Half Japanese, Bersuit Vergarabat, The Violent Femmes, Ice T, Diamanda Galas, Robert Johnson, The Mars Volta, At the Drive-In, Eminem, Stay Hitt, Iggy and the Stooges, MC5, Screaming Jay Hawkins, Laundry Room Squelchers, Jay-z, Johnny Rivers, Beck,Minor Threat, The Dresden Dolls, Cob Calloway, Sonic Youth,Fito Paez, Butthole Surfers, Bjork,The Ramones, Sigur Ros, Carlos Gardel, Rakim, Glenn Branca, The White Stripes, Theoretical Girls, the Sugarcubes, Daniel Johnston, Dino Felipe, The Residents, Lydia Lunch, Oingo Boingo, The Wonky Donkeys, Hank Williams, Dyslexic Postcards, Ween, Otto Von Schirach, Bob Dylan, The Pop Group, Einstürzende Neubauten, Late Night Curly, the Dead Kennedys, Lightning Bolt, The Dead Boys, X-Ray Spex, Plutonium Pie, The B-52s, Son House, and all those noise bands that you are all too uncool name.
CONVERSATION BETWEEN LUCIANO GUIDINI (LG) AND THE REAL GAY JASON REINER (JR):
(JR) i cant wait to hurt you and your little friends too.
(LG) shit!
i'll help you hurt my little friends!
if you promise to finish me off (finish me off!!, hahaha!) i'll even help you hurt me!
all you gotta do is send me a manuscript of all the comments you ever sent anybody and make me read them all. or make me read an excerpt from your upcoming new book "The Only Exciting Thing I've Ever Done Is Tell My Mother I Didnt Cut Little Holes In The Condom For When I Came After 1 Second Of Incest Angry Rape"
Other than that, i think you could use a little exposure and show up to one of my shows and ask for me and when they direct you my way just say, "uh, hello. I'm Jason. I'm sorry i'm the only one who knows when my birthday is.i'm finally pleasured to meet you."
and when you say that, i will turn around look at you in the eyes and say, "Hello. I'm Luciano Guidini. Nice for you to meet me, Jerry."
-"It's Jason."
-"Right."
that right there is hopefully the moment that you cum in your pants faster than that 30 seconds of love you so passionatly give your unconscious paraplegic 83 year old grandmother every thursday after visiting hours, because you'll realize that for the first time in your life someone other than you knew you even fucking existed.
and after that, it can only go down hill from there. because even if you meet me, there aint no way i would ever even remember cause, let's face it, who would ever really ever give a fuck that they ever met you?
sorry, bra.
go ahead and ask you cousin/mom hybrid if she even remembers giving birth to you in the back of that college dumpster after walking 3 miles in the rain and mud after finally getting away from that brutal gangbang she recieved in the old family barn that tuesday night.
i'm easy to find.
get yourself to a show and throw down whenever you want,kid.
you ain't got nothin'!
i hope you are having a nice day,
your best friend,
Luciano Guidini
(JR) im filing a restraining order and you and jason can nevercome 1,000 feet from me and sonic youth ever again for the rest of your lives. so you will finally learn your lesson. be expecting a police officer at your door rather soon. he should be serving you and jason the papers. go tell your friends i hope they all die in a car wreck. i will be coming to a show to start a fight until your both dead. i hate you all you fucking suck shit. choke and die.
(LG) ah come on!
thats not fair!
you will be the one breaking the probation!?
let me break it!
then ill break your jaw.
i aint gettin near sonic youth but for completely diffrent reasons!
they aint gettin near you cause they aint never heard of you.
name a time and a place and well do this, my man.
noone around.
fuck your 7pm curfew so you can get to bed early and wake up in time as soon as the drug store open so you can get a prescription for your zit medicine and hormone development. so i hear your breasts are developing quite nicely and that they are kinda sagging. plus i hear your nipples are huge and malcolored.
and that finally Your little penis is almost finally growing in and that sometime soon you could almost not see your huge (strangely fitting for this story) pussy.
go ahead, get a restraining order.
but let me ask you something:
do you really think i gives a fuck about a restraining order when all i wanna do is crush your skull open with a tire iron repeatedly?
thought so.
jason, get your fingers off from your sisters pussy, untie her legs and wrists from the bed pole, stop rubbing pork grease on her and you and licking the filth and meat juices from your toes in front of the mirror, like i heard you do, and send me some music so i can talk shit about that too.
Hey what's up, man? Sorry I've taken soooo long in responding. You're not gonna believe this shit. The night I talked to you about it, I got home and the bands that I was thinking I wasn't getting a response from actually answered. I was like, "Thank the Gods, but awwww FUCK!". There is no way I could fit you in, unless you want to go on ridiculously early and I don't think that's fair. This is the kind of shit that happens which makes me realize why I prefer throwing my own events when it comes to playing @ Churchill's. Look @ how everything is last minute for this event. There's not even fliers. I'm really sorry, man. Plus, I'm sorry I took forever in getting back to you. Everything is just soooo fuckin' crazy @ the moment.
