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Lyrebird Blues Band or Lyre of Beelzebub?

A savage journey to the Lyrebird Blues Band’s heart of darkness with Doktor Hak Nudestrom


The Lyrebird Blues band. An innocuous enough name, you would think. Certainly not a name that, at first blush, evokes the dark and terrible imagery of the blues - pacts with the devil, graveyard minds, chimneys of human skulls, Cobra-snake neck ties and deals struck in blood with mysterious strangers at midnight crossroads.

Well, think again.
Forget the Bird. Consider the Lyre - creation of Orpheus, poet and musician of mythology who could charm wild beasts and coax the trees and rocks into dance. Orpheus was what would now be called a Shaman, a practitioner of the dark arts. He descended into the underworld and started the cult of Dionysus, god of intoxication and lewd and savage rituals.

Can you see where we’re heading here? Wool of bat, tongue of dog, fillet of a fenny snake? Can you detect the presence of something dark skulking behind the benign moniker Lyrebird Blues Band? Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name?

That’s right - if the Lyrebird Blues Band were back in Salem a few hundred years back they’d have been hung for what they are – shameless and degenerate devil-worshippers!

Of course we now live in more enlightened times, but that doesn’t mean I don’t approach Pete ‘Big Daddy’ Doherty of the band without a degree of trepidation, even if I’m still determined to confront him with the grim truth. He’s in his lair at Goose Studio, swathed in a black velour cape, absently poking the blade of a huge Bowie knife into the eye socket of what appears to be a human skull.

‘So Pete’ I ask ‘When did you decide to devote your life to The Dark Lord?’

‘I’m glad you asked that, Hak. It occurred to me rather suddenly several weeks ago in the supermarket. I was walking past the barbecue products and noticed the Little Lucifer fire starters. I took it as a sign I should make a pact with the devil. Well, not just me, the whole band.’

‘And it’s worked so far?’

‘It’s been great! When we were signing the contracts – in our own blood, of course – he made a quip that the devil was in the details! Put us at ease instantly. He’s great!’

‘You didn’t have to kiss his pustulant, demonic arse?’

‘No. That was an option of course…but we did agreed to do a cover of a Rolf Harris song in our set instead.’

‘Because there’s a hidden, demonic meaning in Rolf Harris tunes?’

‘No. The devil denies having the best songs. He defers to Rolf.’

‘So what came first – just being keen about eternal perdition, or wanting to form a blues band?’

‘It varied from member to member, really. Kiall ‘Catfish’ Carpenter, our drummer and harp player, already had a sort of non-binding contract with the devil. Sort of like a pre-Work Choices AWA. Some of our other members were a bit more squeamish. ‘The Killer’, our lead guitar, came from the Christian Rock group The Ned Flanders Singers so it was a bit of a cultural leap for him.’

‘A bit squeamish about sizzling away for the rest of eternity like a human Bratwurst, was he?’

‘Yeah, so he’s here strictly as contract labour, rather than an actual indentured slave of Beelzebub.’

‘Is there a commitment issue there?’

‘Well, interestingly The Horned One actually moonlights as a TV evangelist, so he’s really got no aversion to the born-again scene.’

How about the others?

‘They’ve really taken to the whole devil-worshipping lifestyle. We’ve found that it really is a life choice. It’s amazing how readily you adapt to waking up and thinking – well, basically I’m doomed to the infernal pit! It’s great really, when you think about it! Things can get no worse - and it provides great subject matter for songs.’

‘You’re an acoustic blues band, rather than electric….’

‘Yeah. It seems that Satan developed tinnitus through the 70’s and 80’s. Anything loud is just an unintelligible blur of sound to him, so we’re returning to the Robert Johnson template.’

‘And the other band members. We’ve heard about you, Kiall and Killer, how did you choose the others.?’

‘The other members are Kate ‘Big Mama’ Henshaw who plays keyboards and sings and ‘Baby Face’ Sats Kramer on the upright bass. We found them through an ad in the music press, you know - Musicians sought for acoustic blues combo. Must be prepared to sign pact with the devil. No Smokers or time wasters. Own transport and gear essential.’
‘So – where to from here?’

‘Well in the medium term, we’ve got gigs lined up at the Golgotha. Other than that we just want to get out there and spread the word, you know, encouraging punters to sign away their immortal souls for some fleeting short-term gain in this life. Longer term, you know in the afterlife, we’ve got a regular gig lined up at The Autocrat Club. It’s very exclusive. Nero, Hitler, Tojo, Caligula, Mussolini, Gilles de Rais, Henry VIII, Richard Nixon. Your better class of psychotic tyrant.’

‘George W Bush could be a patron in the longer term?’

‘No. I’ve got it on good advice, he’ll be down the road of flaming lava at The Cretinous Fop. I think Justin Timberlake is locked in for that gig.