MySpace a place for friends

About Me..... What is there to say? Let's see... I married Linda Lovelace at a very young age, her film career had already ended but she liked the look of me at the ripe age of 4. We had a set of nin-tuplets and were entered into the Guiness Book of World Records. We lived happily until one day when I was 6 an elephant fell from the sky and landed on her. Just her foot, but when the cast came off she became a whole new person. We were through and by the time I was 7 we were divorced, and she had moved the kids to Usbekistan to sew soccer balls. For the next 5 years I learned about the harmony of life in a monastary, and by the time I was 12 I had invented the question mark, macoroni, and Santa Claus. I was rich, rich, rich!!! I was eating prime rib and caviar off of the asses of $10,000 hookers. Then my nine kids found out and they each wanted an Atari 6400 and that took almost all of my money. I used what little money I had left to buy a cargo van and I lived under a bridge down by the river. I developed a serious debilitating addiction to Pez, no matter what I did I just couldn't avoid the flip top heads and the sweet goodness underneath. I checked into the Betty Ford Clinic and kicked my addiction, but to this day I have to go to meetings. After I was clean I remembered what a woman had said to me when I was a Pez Junkie. She told me I needed to find Jesus. When I turned 16 and got my license I decided it was time to begin my search. I started with "Touchdown Jesus" in Ohio and I worked my way through all the popular statues. Each spot was inspiring but I never actually met Jesus at any of them. My search continued, I looked in churches, book, I even checked out a Churches chicken. I finally gave up the search and took a vacation. Like people say "you find something you really need when you quit looking". It's true and I finally found Jesus Gonzales while vacationing in Cancun, he actually was drinking cocktails on the beach right next to me. That lady was right, after I found Jesus my life got so much better. It ended up that Jesus wanted to move to the states, so I helped him study for his green card and he became a citizen. Jesus and I went out drinking at bars getting all kinds a women it was a blast. When Christmas time came around I went to the mall with Jesus to find some hotties doing some shopping. Jesus was amazed by the Christmas display and couldn't stop staring at Santa Claus. Well it is widely known that Santa is from the streets, and he got pissed at Jesus for staring. Santa tossed the kid off his lap and bull-rushed Jesus. Long story short, the mall was closed for 5 days, 3 elves lost their lives,and Jesus was crushed by the tree. They never found Santa, but I heard something about flying deer. I decided it was time to finally do something with my life, but what? By the age of 18 I had already married a porn star, had a family, an addiction, become a famous inventor, even found Jesus then lost him to Santa. I needed to do something of substance, something that would affect the world. I figured it out... I got a MySpace page, and now all people from all over the world can find out about me. Me, me, me, MEEEE!!!!