Writing, Comedy, Acting, Drawing, Being creative. I love to laugh and make people laugh. I love watching standup comedy and comedy in general. I also love writing monologues and bits because I am a comedy writer and a standup comedian. I also like reading (any book that is interesting), writing plays, poetry, and fiction, playing video games, using the internet, watching reality television shows, going out to party, Sex, money, love, and being very friendly with women (if you know what I mean). I'm a fun exciting guy to be around. I'm not uptight and I do have a sense of humor.
Nicknames: Mac, Marc, Matthew, MC, McCorley, Macaulay Culkin, Double M
Birth date: October 2, 1983
Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York
Current Location: Brooklyn, New York
Height: 5'11''
Weight: I forget. Maybe medium.
Eye Colour: Dark deer eyes.
Hair Colour: Dark.
Piercings: None.
Tattoos: Not yet.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: I like girls. I love girls. Girls only!
Favourites
Food: Rice with beef and broccoli.
Restaurant: Any Chinese food take out.
Pizza: Who cares. Pizza is Pizza.
Ice Cream Flavour: Butter Pecan or Rum Raisin.
Cookies: Ginger Snaps.
Drink: I'll drink anything when I'm thirsty, but I love Orange juice.
Alcoholic Drink: Anything with Alcohol in it, including cough syrup.
Number: 1. Everybody wants to be #1.
Colour: Black .
Flower: Rose flowers.
Animal: Dogs. They're man's best friend.
TV Show: Heroes.
Cartoon: South Park.
Radio Show: Opie and Anthony.
Website: Myspace.
Band/Singer: Any band or singer that can sing and sounds good.
Album: Any comedy album by Richard Pryor.
Movie: Basquiat.
Actor/Actress: Don Cheadle/Scarlett Johansson.
Sport/Sport team: Baseball. New York Yankees.
Athlete: Derek Jeter.
Season: Spring.
Video game: Halo.
Activity: Playing video games.
Hobby: Writing Comedy.
Super hero: Spider Man.
Sex position: Woman on top. I'm for female empowerment. lol
Make-Up Item: Lotion.
This or That
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.
Coffee or Tea: Coffee.
Day or Night: Day. I wish it lasted longer.
Love or Money: Money! I can pay for love.
Hug or Kiss: Kiss (Open mouth).
In A Guy/Girl
Favourite Eye Colour: Blue eyes.
Favourite Hair Colour: Who cares.
Height: Doesn't matter.
Style: I don't care.
Looks or Personality: Both.
Hot or Cute: Hot. Cute is for babies.
Muscular or Skinny: In between.
Most Important Physical Feature: The butt. I'm an Ass man.
Biggest Turn-Off: Being rude and has an attitude.
Your...
Best Physical Feature: My lips. They're kissable ladies.
Bedtime: 3:00 in the morning.
First Thought Waking Up: I want to go back to sleep.
Ambition: To be comedian/comedy writer or be famous.
Best Friends: Willy boy.
Weakness: Sometimes I'm quite and shy.
Fears: Losing my vision or hearing.
Worst Habit: Being lazy.
Can You...
Dance: I think so!
Sing: In the shower and when I win the lottery.
Drive: Not yet.
Cook: I can cook cereal.
Sew: Still learning.
Speak Another Language: Parlez- Vous Francais.
Touch Your Nose With Your Tongue: No, but I can touch other things with my tongue.
Curl Your Tongue: Oh yeah! Hey ladies.
Whistle: Yes.
Have You Ever...
Been Drunk: Yes, after drinking cough syrup.
Been Stoned/High: Yes, by second hand weed smoking.
Flashed: Plenty.
Eaten Sushi: Yuck.
Eaten Squid: Yuck part two.
Been In Love: Yes, but the person didn't know it.
Skipped School: Yes. I was the king of skipping school.
Stolen Something: Who hasn't.
Cried Yourself To Sleep: Yes, when I was a little boy.
Randoms
What annoys you most about a person: Rude and with an attitude.
Are you left or right handed: Right handed. I love that hand and it loves me too.
What is the colour of your room: Vanilla White.
Do you have any siblings: Yes. Plenty.
Do you have any pets: No. My dad threw my cat out the window when I was little.
Are you for or against gay marriage: No. Gay people are people too. Just ask my grandma. lol
What's your opinion ..ion: Unborn babies who belong to ugly parents should be aborted. Just kidding!
How would you like to die: After having sex. In my bed.
Would you take a bullet for the one you love: Hell no. I'm running and leaving her behind. Just kidding!
Do you think you're attractive: Yes! I'm the black Brad Pitt.
Do you believe in yourself: Hell yeah.
Do you want to get married: When I'm 40.
Do you want to have children: Girls only. Boys are nothing but trouble.
Who was the last person you hugged: My mom.
Who was the last person you kissed: My girlfriend in Kindergarten.
Who was the last person to hit you: My girlfriend in Kindergarten.
Who was the last person you wanted to hit: My little brother.
What was the last thing you ate: Marshmallow Treat.
What was the last thing you drank: Water.
What was the last thing you said: What was the last thing I said?
What was the last book you read: The Davinci Code.
What would be your Super powers if you were a Super hero: Super immunity, invisibilty, and Super speed.
What animal would you like to be: A Lion. They're king of the jungle.
What insect would you like to be: A fly. They fly over every thing.
What job would you try out for a day: Being a pornstar. Who wouldn't. lol
What city would you like to live in: New York City.
What foreign country would you like to live in: England.
What age do you want to die: 100 years old.
Which celebrity would you want to be: Derek Jeter.
Which celebrity would you have sex with: Scarlett Johansson. What guy doesn't.
Who would you kill: Nobody. I would never take someone's life.
Music
Hip Hop, R&B, Rock, Alternative, Metal, and some pop and country music. Kayne West, M.I.A, Jay Z, Nas, 50 Cent, Linkin Park, Greenday, Sean Paul. Usher, Sade, Barry White, Coldplay, Kelly Clarkson, Eminem, and others. Anything that sounds good I'll listen to it.
Movies
Crank, Murmur of the heart, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, Godfather, Scarface, The Warriors, Star Wars (The Prequels and Sequels), Back to the Future, Basquiat, Shortbus, Firestarter, Stand by me, Home Alone, Teen Wolf, The Mask, Scary Movie, Hostel, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, The Omen, 5ive girls, Groundhog Day, Boys in the Hood, Perfect Score, The Hitcher, Bad Boys, Big Momma's House, Enter the Dragon, The last Dragon, Breakfast Club, Monster, Titanic, The Shining, Saw 1, 2, 3, and 4, Final Destination, Roots, Shaka Zulu, All of the Harry Potter movies, Spider Man, The Incredible Hulk, X-Men, Fantastic Four, and some Romantic Movies (don't call me Gay) and Adult movies, or you can call them porn. Adult movies aren't smut, they're art. Hahaha.
Television
South Park, The Bad Girls Club, Rad girls, Lost, Heroes, Californication, Chappelle's Show, Monday Night Raw, Sports (Baseball, Football, and Basketball), Reno 911, Campus Ladies, Dog bites man, Quantum Leap, Martin, Strange days at Blake Holsey high, Endurance, most of the Reality Shows - Real World, American Idol, Surivivor, Little people, Little world, I love New York, Hogan knows best, Breaking Bonaduce, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Big Brother, and others. Frontline, Nova, and anything Scientific or educational on PBS, TLC, Disovery Channel or the Science Channel, G4 TV, That's so Raven, Just for Laughs Gags, Punk'd, Penn and Teller: Bullsh*t.
Books
The Last Lecture, Physics of the Impossible, The Secret, The Lost Boy and A Child called It by Dave Pelzer, The Sound and Fury by William Faulkner, The Prince, Gulliver's travels, The Great Gatsby, The Art of War, American Scream: the Bill Hicks story, Chris Rock: Rock this!, Howard Stern: Miss America, Love and sex manuals, Anything by Ernest Hemingway - The Old Man and the Sea, The Sun also Rises, The Short Stories, A Farewell to Arms, Anything by Mark Twain - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Mark Twain: His Words, Wit, and Wisdom, The Davinci Code, and the Holy Bible (can't leave out the bible).
Heroes
Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony, Mark Twain, Derek Jeter, Michael Jordan, all of my teachers who have taught me in school (yeah right), and my parents of course.
You are Spider-Man
Spider-Man
80%
Superman
75%
The Flash
70%
Green Lantern
60%
Iron Man
55%
Catwoman
55%
Hulk
50%
Robin
45%
Wonder Woman
40%
Supergirl
35%
Batman
30%
You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.
Cuny Brooklyn College
Brooklyn,New York
Graduated: 2006
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Bachelor's Degree
Major: Creative Writing
Clubs: WBCR Brooklyn College radio, Arts Coalition, English Majors, Chi Alpha Epsilon National Honor Society
2001 to 2005
William E. Grady Hs
Brooklyn,New York
Graduated: 2001
Student status: Alumni
Degree: High School Diploma
Clubs: Audio Visual
1997 to 2001
MACCORLEY's Companies
DialogueDirect New York, NY US Fundraiser Children charities
March 2007
Netpique New York, NY US Service representative Accent Energy
June 2007
Ellison Systems Inc. New York, NY US Account manager Shoplet.com
February - June 2008
Bonner's Boomers New York, NY US Beverly Bonner sketch group Comedy writer/featured actor
May 2007 - present
Starpulse.com Branford, CT US Contributing writer Internship
Jan 2009 - present
MACCORLEY It's too damn cold outside! There's supposed to be a snowstorm tomorrow. My plans tomorrow are ruined. Posted at 2:02 AM Dec 19 from Twitter view more
About me: *Click here to view my comedy profile Listen to Maccorley Mathieu on Blog Talk Radio
If you didn't know before, you know now. I'm Maccorley Mathieu. I was born in Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn. At the time, my mom was only 20 years old when she gave birth to me. Both of my parents are kind and generous people. I get my looks from my mom, and my sense of humor from my dad. My dad is a very funny and serious person. When I was little, he frightened me with the belt. Every time I did something bad he would give me a spanking to teach me a lesson. The belt was the devil. It was very possessive. Whenever I broke something or said a curse word, the belt was always there to influence my father to whip me. As soon as I did something very bad, the belt just flew into my fathers hands. When he would hit me with the belt, my whole body would fall apart. Sometimes I couldn't find my arm, so I would put one of my legs where the missing arm was. I deserved those spankings because I was a problem child. My parents had to deal with more problem children because I had three younger brothers and one younger sister. They were always making a lot of noise in the house. They were wild and crazy like I was.
I used to live with an extended family. My aunt, uncle, and grandfather all lived with us when I was little. Then one day they just left my house and went to live in different states to get away from my crazy ass. I love all my relatives. My aunt is sweet. She used to take me places and buy me stuff when she lived with us. My grandpa was the best. He is one of those grandfathers that reminds you of Santa Claus. If you've been nice, he'll give you a present. If you've been naughty, he won't give you shit. My grandfather gives me a lot of money. I don't know what it is but grandparents always have money. My grandpa hasn't worked in ten years but he always has tons of money in his wallet. I love my uncle but he's a crack head. He's done crack and many other drugs. My family does not like my uncle. Every time my uncle came to visit, we moved. My uncle has smoked crack, drinks liquor, has illegitimate children, doesn't pay child support, but he's never been to jail. I love all my family even though they can be a pain in the neck.
When I was five years old I was one of those kids that had ADHD, but I was never diagnosed. I was constantly doing something bad and getting in trouble. The only time I was not getting into trouble was when I was watching cartoons. I loved cartoons when I was that age. Watching cartoons on Saturday morning was fun and adventurous for me. At times I felt like I was actually in the cartoon. My favorite cartoon was Thundercats. I had the biggest crush on Cheetara. I dont care if she was a cartoon character, she was fine. Cartoons was a big part of my life during this time and so was candy. I loved candy so much. I loved candy so much that if I saw a piece a candy on the street, I would pick it up and eat it. I didn't care. I was a candy addict. Candy was like a drug to me. I needed Skittles, M&Ms, Sour Power, and Now and Laters to satisfy my addiction. Candy and cartoons was all that I cared about.
I had a babysitter who looked after me during the daytime. I had a crush on the babysitter. She was the best babysitter in the world. She was 16 years old and she was very pretty and attractive. She was so nice to me. She used to buy me ice cream and watch cartoons with me. I really liked her. I wanted to get her pregnant but I was only five years old. So I couldn't. But then, some other guy got her pregnant....and that guy was my uncle.
When I entered Kindergarten, I couldn't watch my favorite daytime shows and cartoons anymore because I had to go to school. I was a bad kid in Kindergarten. I was a brat! I used to curse in the class and all the kids would say, "Ooooh, he said a curse". Then they would tell the teacher and get me in trouble. The teacher would make me stand in front of the whole class and apologize. I felt like an idiot. I felt like crying because all the kids would make fun of me when I stood in front of the class. But I don't blame the kids, I blame the teacher Mrs. Grannon. I hated her from the beginning. From the time I pooped in my pants and stunk up the whole classroom, she despised me. I couldn't stand her and she couldn't stand me. She would always yell at me and make me stand in that damn corner. I felt like body slamming her. I hope she's not teaching right now, because she'll make a kid who is just starting kindergarten want to drop out.
I had fun in elementary school. I liked going to school to joke with my friends and look up girls skirts. At that time for me, looking up girls skirts was better than going to Disney land. Not even Mickey Mouse was having the kind of fun I was having. I attended P.S. 152. I had my first girl friend in that school. The reason she became my girlfriend was because I let her have my peanut butter sandwiches that my mom made for me to eat at lunch. I liked her a lot until she started going out with the boy who had tuna fish sandwiches. I drew a lot when I was in elementary school. Since I collected comic books and cards, I drew Marvel superheroes and my own superheroes. I was the best artist in my third grade class. I was constantly asked by my teacher to draw posters and pictures for the school. I had the biggest crush on my teacher. She was so kind and sweet. I think she wanted me but I was too young for her. Once, she gave me a kiss on the cheek for finishing a beautiful school play poster. She made a little boy like me feel like a man. I'll never forget her.
During the time I was in elementary school, I had a serious bladder problem. I used to wet my bed a lot. I used to wet my bed so much that my parents had to buy a new mattress for me every week. But I stopped wetting my bed at night because my parents told me that Santa Claus wouldn't bring me anything for Christmas if I didn't stop. So, I began to pee on myself during the day. I couldn't control my bladder. The pee pee had to come out. Because of this bladder problem, I had to wear baby diapers until I was 12 year old. While all the other kids had on briefs and boxers, I had on Huggies. It was embarrassing. Those baby diapers gave me so many wedgies. I hated wearing them but I had to. I remember when I was in fifth grade, I accidentally fell on the floor in the class. When I fell, my baby diapers were exposed and all the kids saw this and started making fun of me. They were like, "ill, he has on baby diapers. That's disgusting". Even the teacher was like, "ill, he has on baby diapers. That's disgusting". I said to them, "You're just mad because I have on pampers and you don't". They continued making fun of me. I was very angry. I got so mad I pooped in my pants and stunk up the whole classroom again. Then I took off my baby diapers and left it on the teacher's desk.
One of the saddest days of my life was when I graduated from elementary school. I was in fifth grade and the next year I was going to go to junior high school. It was tough because I knew things would not be the same like they were in elementary.
I attended Ditmas Junior High school. I had a bad time in that school my first year. My first year there as a sixth grader was horrible. I think I set a school record for suspensions. I was always getting in trouble for things like: not doing my homework, fighting, and cutting school. I cut school a lot during sixth grade. I would spend a day at Coney Island on the rides and the beach. Although I always got in trouble my first year, my second and third year wasn't that bad. In my senior year there, I got my first kiss from some girl in the staircase. I practically had to climb up her to kiss her. The junior high prom was the best. The kids there were dancing so close to each other. Some of the girls were backing up their butts like a car trying to fit in a parking space. I even remember sandwiching a girl on the dance floor. It was fun that night. But once again, I was going to graduate and go to a new school.
During the summer, before High School, I met this pretty girl in my neighborhood named Sandra. We started hanging out and talking. Soon we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I really liked Sandra but she was a freak. She would always flash her breasts and ask me to pop her cherry. I didn't know what she meant by popping her cherry. So, when she would say that to me, I would tell her, "Go pop your own cherry". She was crazy. One day, she invited me to her house when her parents weren't home. There was no doubt in my mind that I knew we were going to do it. I went inside the bedroom with her and we got it on like popcorn. Other than my pillow, she was the first person that I did it with. We did it for two, three hours because we had our clothes on. So, the first time we dry humped. But the next time, we did it for real. No clothes. This time we did it for two and a half minutes.
During this time, I was hitting puberty. My voice was getting deeper. I grew taller, and other weird things were happening to my body. It was a strange time for me. I found myself spending more time playing in the shower (if you know what I mean).
When the summer vacation was over, I attended William E. Grady High School. I hated that school. I had no fun there at all. First of all, I was a geek. I did all my homework, passed all my tests, and I was shy and didn't have many friends. I spent four miserable years at that school. My first two years there, I sat by myself at lunchtime eating lunch and drawing boobs. I tried weed when I was in Grady high school. It was peer pressure, I swear! The first time I smoked weed, it was delicious. It made me feel relaxed and good about myself. The second time I tried it, it didn't have the same effect. I haven't smoked weed since.
My senior year in High School was okay, even though I didn't go to my prom because I didn't have the guts to ask any girl to go with me. That year I took my SATs. I got a 65 on the SATs. I barely passed. My SAT score was good enough to get me into a good community college.
Just Kidding. I went to Brooklyn College, where there was pretty girls and hot lady professors. lol
I attended the American Comedy Institute after I graduated college. I do stand up here and there at comedy clubs in NY. Last year I was a writer/featured actor for Bonner's Boomers, a sketch group created by Beverly Bonner. I am currently a contributing writer for Starpulse.com. I have a day job to support my comedy career. I do 9-5 work during the day and comedy at night. I'm Peter Parker during the day, and Spiderman at night.
The sense of humor may be called the mind’s measuring-rod, also its focusing-adjustment. Without it, even the finest mind can make mistakes as to the proportions of things; also, as to the relations of things to each other…
- Mark Twain
(“The Secret History of Eddypus”)
Let me tell you the truth. The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy, a terrible, terrible lie someone gave the people long ago.
- Lenny Bruce
But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated.
-Ernest Hemingway
(“The Old Man and the Sea”)
Who I'd like to meet: You of course. People who are outgoing, like to have fun, and have sense of humor. Girls, girls, and more girls. Chris Rock, Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony, Richard Pryor (if he was still alive), Derek Jeter, Michael Jordan, M.I.A, Megan Fox, Jill Wagner, Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson, Christina Milian, Maria Menounos, Kirsteen O'Sullivan, Aishwarya Rai (to see how beautiful she is up close and personal), and Juliya Chernetsky (she's a rebel chick).
The sexiest woman in the universe - Megan Fox
The sexiest woman in the world - Scarlett Johansson
Christina Milian
Jessica Alba – sweet as candy
Maria Menounos
Beyonce
Aishwarya Rai
Halle Berry
Kirsteen O'Sullivan - the hottest woman in the UK
Jill Wagner - The Mercury girl
Hayden Panettiere
Rihanna
I kno n im sorry i should have a phone soon but u got ma address im always home im trapped in this insane diareah (err is that spelt right) of color and raw hottness lol u gata see ma new place ill try to keep in touch
Hey MACCORLEY! :) We've just released a new track called "Pirate Dance". Come look at our profile and check it out! Hope you enjoy it, have a great week :)
hey sir i was thinkin bout you the other day i need your number again and guess what.......im single again :O) i tripped up and thought it was real lol but my focus is back
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