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Assuming that the preceding paragraph hasn't frightened you off already, I'll reveal a bit more about myself -- for a nominal fee. (What, you don't have any money? Guess you don't work for AIG, eh?)

All bullshit aside, I'm a typical "starving artist" type. To keep the bills paid, I work in retail -- the prolapsed anus of the business world. In addition to doing various odd jobs (extortion, gun-running, bootlegging, counterfeiting -- the least lucrative, owing to the rate of inflation -- petty graft, etc.), my wife and I also write. So far, we've sold a couple of pieces to a North Carolina-based magazine, but I hope to move up to the "bigtime" soon: Penthouse Letters.

Unlike my wife, who confines herself to a few familiar topics, I write about damn-near anything that strikes my fancy: guns, survival, my wayward youth, politics, religion, gardening, cooking, martial arts, improvised weaponry, anger management, herbal medicine, travel, genealogy, history, books, music, and the Jewish conspiracy to steal my tinfoil hat. When the nice men in the white coats let me have my crayons, I even scribble out the odd bit of fiction.

Lessee... What else? I'm 41. I live in Roswell, Georgia. I'm an anarchist with strong theocractic leanings (or is it the other way around?). I despise consumerism, celebrity-worship, and all things Hegelian, Kantian, Machiavellian, Orwellian, Keynesian, Hitlerian, Marxist, Stalinist and Neocon. Oh, and I think Freud, Nietzsche and Rousseau were full of shit, as well.

But I suppose that's enough about me. I'll leave the rest to Maggie.

Maggie West (Bean) here (yes, we're married): I write nonfiction, normally. Relationship issues, gardening, current affairs, and the trials and tribulations of being with my better half (The proprietor of Green Hell) in a section called "Bean Pods" are mainstays on my website: www.maggiewest.typepad.com

Recently, Dave and I have begun a fictional piece entitled "Georgia's Fortress." It started out as our "playtime" and became a full-fledged novel, which we hope to complete by spring of 2009. Interested? Just go to the aformentioned website and click on the link at the top of the page to read our first chapter. We've edited the first five parts (more on the way).

I am, by no means "normal" or "average." There is definitely an immature side that matches the mature one, a gullible side that matches the intelligent one, and an unguarded side equaling my perceptive and conceptive natures. The cheery, fun, forgiving aspects of my personality are overshadowed by darkness and gloom from time to time. So readers beware.

My "better half" (www.mygreenhell.typepad.com) and I are now writing for a monthly publication: Latitude Magazine based in North Carolina. We will be visiting historic sites in Georgia and the Carolinas through 2009 and writing articles on our travels. If the mood strikes, one can subscribe to the publication and the magazine will mail out a copy each month to the specified address: www.latitudemagazine.com

Believe me, it will be well worth it!

A quote from one of Green Hell's readers: "I would rather give you the plane ticket for my next vacation in Mexico and have you write about it. When I read what you've written, I vividly see myself there -- with you. Your stories are so very entertaining and much better than anything I could ever come up with."

That's my honey.

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