Antonio Antonio

About me:

After being raised in the deepest darkest jungle by African wombats, I escaped to a civil society where I was pampered, nay, worshipped as the prodigal son of one Julius Rumpled Foreskin III. I had every luxury at my fingertips: beautiful women, the most exotic foods, servants, and a pet monkey that could wipe its own ass; I had it all! Kings of old would have trembled at my authoritah...

Alas, it was not meant to be. I was soon vacated of my position when a group of Pee-Wee Herman imitators broke into my mansion, gagged me whilst I slept dreaming about big, beautiful, luscious, supple, firm, breasts and carried me away to God only knows what horrors. Luckily, ever the opportunist, I capitalized on a flaw in their strategem: I took them to a nudie bar and gave them lots of lotion and tissues with which to "relieve" themselves upon. They soon forgot all about me and "indulged" themselves heavily on the feast of gyrating and oscillating nubile flesh before their eyes of the topless dancers.

Since then I have been walking the earth helping those in need that I come across on my travels (much like Kane in Kung Fu). Now I live in Colorado battling all sorts of nasty cross-dressing grizzly bears, tempermental mountain lions and the occasional menstrating chipmunk (they can be vicious when it's that time of the month, don't ask me how I know this). Indeed, I must rely on my wits to survive. But the gods honor me, and I pray to Testicules the Greek god of fertility and jock itch, for being born hung like a walrus with the modesty of a church mouse.

I also like candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach.