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Margaret Cho's Blog

  • My Whole Body Hurts

    I am at “Dancing with the Stars” rehearsal 2 hours early because I live so far from the studio and I don’t have time to go home in between appointments. Its crazy. There’s paparazzi outside – NOT taking my picture!! That is totally fine by me. I have serious cameltoe right now and it’s only the beginning. I predict that of all the contestants I have the biggest cameltoe and will for the duration of the competition.

    The other competitors are lovely. The only ones we haven’t met yet are Michael Bolton (!) and The Situation – who I am dying to meet!! It’s all very exciting. I saw the back of his head in his car driving to fittings this morning and I could tell his abs were defined just from that. He is the polar opposite of me in that I have never done an abdominal exercise in my life, so perhaps he will be a good influence. I have had 3 rehearsals so far with my fabulous partner (I have the greatest one!!!) and my whole body hurts. Even the muscles on the tops of my feet hurt. Also my brain hurts from trying to focus on learning the steps. I feel like an old dog with hip dysplasia trying to enter an agility competition with a lot of puppies. I am not familiar with learning any kind of choreography. I am an intuitive dancer, which is good for lots of things, but ballroom is a very strict discipline, as far as I can tell. It’s also hard to remember the steps. I think I would do better on “Dancing with the Stoners”- but that show is not picked up yet.

    I think that everyone is really nice and I am psyched to get to dance with them – especially Florence Henderson! She is such an icon and I met her years and years ago doing “Politically Incorrect.” She is a sassy and hot lady!! Jennifer Grey is really cool too. She is so beautiful and sweet and looked amazing in her ballroom outfit at the fitting! I wish I looked as good!

    I am fucking so exhausted and I smell really weird and like pee but also sweat, so I feel sorry for everyone who has been coming in contact with me. I shower but the smell is in my car seats and is soaking into my clothing when I am driving. It’s like when you sweat so much that it starts to smell like pee and mildew. I have no previous injuries that I am worried about – what I am fighting is atrophy. I have never really done anything like this – it’s kind of like being on “Survivor” but with sequins and better food. My feet are bleeding through the satin ballroom shoes and my ingrown toenails are coming out and over my toes. I go to sleep at night and I am having nightmares that I am shaking it on the dance floor and a small turd is shaking out of my dress during the Viennese Waltz. That dance is scary. I mean – I can pop my pussy but the Viennese Waltz? It’s gonna be a challenge! That is what its like right now. I will keep everyone updated on the goings on backstage and on the floor.

    My Whole Body Hurts: Margaret Cho's Blog
  • Break a Leg

    I met Kate Gosselin the other night and she was pretty with her new hair. It’s blonde and long and flat-ironed. I liked the other hair too but she is very glamorous these days. She asked me how I will deal with the criticism I might get from being on “Dancing With The Stars” and I said “I don’t care about it!” and I really don’t. Why does anyone care what anyone says about them? And also about whether you can dance or not, if you are not known to be a dancer? Especially when it’s people who don’t know you and don’t know what you are about? Everyone who knows me knows I am NOT a ballroom dancer and would probably be better off on “Dancing With The Whores” which is a spin off of yesterday’s pilot for “Dancing With The Stoners.”

    I told Kate that she shouldn’t listen to the mean things people say about her and she said she wouldn’t. That made her smile a lot, which I think is nice. She has a nice smile, which is a special secret. I don’t know much about her, except that she seems to be a soft spoken lady with a lot of children and an Asian Adjacent ex-husband. She also says she was not a good dancer but I think that if anyone can get through a moment of the “Dancing With The Stars” experience – they’ve got to have some rhythm somewhere. She did not fall – which I have done several times already!! I feel like if I fall a bunch now, I won’t fall later. It’s like if you have a bad rehearsal you have a great performance!! That is how it has been in my experience. You should always shoot to have a terrible rehearsal so that the show shines. It’s kind of like the ‘break a leg’ thing. You don’t want to actually break a leg, but you want to ‘break a leg.’ This whole thing is so different from anything I have done, and I am looking forward to bringing my stripper moves to it, as well as busting my humps.

    The paparazzi seem to weirdly care about me today, but I think it is because no one else is at the dance studio rehearsing as early as I am there and they are bored. They asked me, kind of in a shitty way, if I was learning anything – as in “how to dance” and I said “yes” all confident and then immediately tripped on a parking divider. It was real stupid. I feel bad for them because it’s hot in that real ‘Hollywood concrete and asphalt’ way and really pee smelling in the alley they are waiting in and I hope they are drinking enough water. That has to suck – waiting around in deep Hollywood to take pictures of people. I wouldn’t want to do it, just like I don’t think anyone wants to come inside and do abs with me!

    I cannot wait to ask The Situation if I am a grenade or a landmine. I hope that the rest of The Jersey Shore cast comes and cheers him on because I have a crush on Snooki. I think she looks exactly like Elizabeth Taylor from Cleopatra – really gorgeous.

    Break A Leg: Margaret Cho's Blog
  • Margaret's on Dancing With the Stars!

    I’m so excited to be doing Dancing With The Stars, but I’ve got a lot to learn. I’ve got some mean stripper moves and I can pick up a dollar with my butt, however the Viennese Waltz is all new for me! I’ve been training with my partner for three days now and I can’t believe how much my body hurts! I’m trying to embrace the pain.
  • Drop Dead Diva Soundtrack

    The soundtrack for Drop Dead Diva is available for pre-order! It includes a fab cover of “Would I Lie to You” with Brooke Elliot, Kate Levering and me! Also on the soundtrack is my new wave collaboration with Ben Lee, “Restraining Order.” It’s so awesome!

    The Drop Dead Diva soundtrack will be available June 1st, but you can pre-order it on iTunes or Amazon.

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