Martin Cram once cried. Scientists tested his tears and found they had a sperm count of 100,000.

Martin Cram was born "Marc Nitram", but he disliked the name so to correct the problem, he ran fast enough around the planet to reverse its axial rotation.

Martin Cram lost his virginity before his dad did.

Martin Cram once gave a woman an orgasm so intense she invented three new branches of mathematics, discovered the first half of the true name of god and now only needs two and half hours of sleep a week. She can also now cook a damn good English breakfast, and never breaks an eggs yolk.

Martin Cram tickled a baby once. Its diaper exploded.

Martin Cram once saved a burning bus full of orphans by using his 19 inch rock hard penis as the Jaws of Life.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Martin Cram and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Martin Cram sleeps with a night light. Not because Martin Cram is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Martin Cram

Superman owns a pair of Martin Cram pajamas.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Martin Cram.

It is impossible to be raped by Martin Cram because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

Martin Cram is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Martin Cram can speak Braille.

Martin Cram is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Martin Cram.

One time in an airport a guy accidentally called Martin Cram "Mark Cram". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Martin accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a baby with spiked hair. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

Martin Cram doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

When Martin Cram was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Martin Cram!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Martin Cram during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

Martin Cram was walking down the street and got an erection. There were no survivors.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Martin Cram, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Martin Cram hates playing ‘Rock Paper Scissors’ because he doesn’t believe Anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone Throws paper, he says,” I win.” If someone is foolish enough to dispute This, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then Says, “I thought your paper would protect you.”

Mark, Tom, and Travis