Who am I?
I'm a lost soul, a half-assed wanderer, stumbling across this great, wide world, in search of truth.
I could have been something--a fucking contender. I was on the Math Team, for crying out loud.
And I won an unprecedented six spelling bees in a row.
But it simply wasn't meant to be.
Instead, I am left to shake my fist at the gods and tell my stories, in stand-up comedy form, to a bunch of drunks, as often as I can.
You can bet your testicles that every morning I wake up, I tell myself, "maybe I'll get it right, next time."
I also like hamburgers.
