Dave Attell
"Drugs are not the answer. I used to do a lot of drugs, but that was way back.... there"
Bill Hicks "They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well … you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference. "
Richard Pryor
"Bitch was so fine I'd suck her daddy's dick."
Redd Foxx
"Confucious say, girl should not marry basketball player, he dribbles before he shoots."
Russ Meneve
"You know it's illegal to drink alcohol in the city, but if you put in in a brown paper bag the cops don't mess with you? What's next, guys humping Hefty bags with prostitutes inside?"
Bill Burr "The reason women act the way they do is because you can't hit em. I know thats a fucked up statement, but hear me out, do you know how big of an dick I would be if it was socially unacceptable to hit me?"
Doug StanhopeVote Stanhope in 08 "I was in Chatanooga, TN last week, that place is so behind the times you can't even get AIDS there yet, people"
Lawrence Owens One of my best friends in comedy, the most helpful comedian I have ever met. His material has staying power, which will make him destroy in New York City.
"I am not here to talk about retarded kids, I am here to talk about their parents. Why do we have to dress them retarded. They dress them all the same, velcro tennis shoes, long sleeve button up t-shirt, and courtoroy jeans, in the summer time. You ever realize this boy might not be retarded, this muthafucka just might be hot."
Patrice O'Neal "Women are the worst terrorists there are, they hold the pussy hostage, and threaten to kill it if we don't listen to your horrendous nonsense"
Rodney Dangerfield Yesterday was a beauty, I asked the cab driver, "Where can I go to get some action?" He took me to my house.
Jim Norton "How is Friends the number one comedy in the only country to drop a nuclear weapon? You know the episode of Friends I wanna see? The one where Shaquille O'Neal kicks in the door, throws acid in their faces, and teabags them. Then maybe Kobe runs in and rapes everybody."
Jim Florentine
I saw him live at the Baltimore Improv when I turned 18, and wanted to do standup ever since. Jim is one of the coolest guys i have ever met. "I hate people who make small talk, if you don't have something to say, just keep your damn mouth shut. I have three suitcases in my hand, and this guy says 'Hope your going some place warm' 'Yea, I am gonna be in your wife's vagina in about an hour"
Katt Williams
"Some of yall just need to smoke some weed and see if it don't enhance yo muthafuckin life. Now I understand, if you not smokin weed cause you have a good job, by all means, go on and make yo paper boo boo. But if you don't got no job, and you ain't smokin weed, i don't know what the fuck you are doin with yo life"
Sounds Like
a sassy independent black woman who plays by her own rules. other unpredictable "men aint shit" comedy
I did receive the shirt. I was wearing it the other day which made me think to see how you have been. Gwar huh? I've seen them one too many times lol. I am still waiting on some more good shows but there has been a few so I am content. I hope your holidays are going good. Keep in touch sucka!
"Drugs are not the answer. I used to do a lot of drugs, but that was way back.... there"
Vote Stanhope in 08
I saw him live at the Baltimore Improv when I turned 18, and wanted to do standup ever since. Jim is one of the coolest guys i have ever met.
"Some of yall just need to smoke some weed and see if it don't enhance yo muthafuckin life. Now I understand, if you not smokin weed cause you have a good job, by all means, go on and make yo paper boo boo. But if you don't got no job, and you ain't smokin weed, i don't know what the fuck you are doin with yo life"
