Melanie Wells

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
oil change.


2) Drink a cup of coffee.


3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.


Money spent:

Oil Change: $20
Coffee: $1
Total: $21
==========


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,write a check for
$50.


2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,drive home.


3) Open a beer and drink it.


4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.


5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.


6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.


7) Place drain pan under engine.


8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.


9) Give up and use crescent wrench.


10) Unscrew drain plug.


11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.

Cuss.


12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.


13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.


14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.


15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and
twist off.


16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes.
Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can
to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.


17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.


18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.


19) Remember drain plug from step 11.


20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.


21) Drink beer.


22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.


23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.


24) C