I am a constantly changing and evolving human being that no bio space could do justice. Just kidding you guuyyyyyyssss......hahahaha...OMG, you guys thought i was toootallly so serious didnt' you?!! Don't you lie you bitches! You did! STOP IT...YOU TOOOOTTALLLLY DID!!!!
Influences
Some of my favorite comics: Bill Hicks, David Cross, Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy......and a lot of other things & people....but those are the main ones. As to what/who I think is funny......those people I just listed, along with a shitload of other people and things.
I like everything except for Country, Go-Go, and Reggaeton. Oh yeah, and shitty music too. I don't like that stuff either.
Movies
If you can't tell, I don't like listing stuff.
Television
South Park, The Daily Show, Mr.Show, Monty Python, Kids in the Hall, The State.
Books
I wish i read more than i do. I want to. I think about reading books. I even buy books. But then I treat them like Paris Hilton treats non-famous people, and pretend they don't exist.
Heroes
I'm not sure if i have heroes. I do have people i respect a lot though, and am thankful for their contributions to this planet. Wow, that was deep huh? I'm super intellectual if you can't tell. Hold on, my eyes hurt, let me give my eyes a rest, and take off my black framed glasses and set them down next to my converse.....right behind my veganism for dummies book.
michael mattera's Details
Status:
In a Relationship
Orientation:
Straight
Hometown:
Annapolis, MD
Body type:
5' 10"
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Religion:
Agnostic
Zodiac Sign:
Capricorn
Smoke / Drink:
No / No
Children:
Someday
Education:
College graduate
Occupation:
"a real go-getter"
michael mattera's Schools
Towson University
Towson, MD
Graduated: 2003
Student status: Alumni
Major: Electronic Media & Film
Clubs: C.A.B., Falling off Balcony's Drunk Club, Pregame, The Porch Freestyle Crew
2000 to 2003
Anne Arundel Community College
Arnold, MD
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
Major: Getting My Grades Decent Enough To Get Into Another College.
Clubs: Lacrosse, National Drug & Alcohol Experimentation Association
1998 to 1999
Archbishop Spalding High Sch
Severn, MD
Graduated: 1998
Student status: Alumni
Degree: High School Diploma
Clubs: National Drug & Alcohol Experimentation Association, Lacrosse, Football
About me: Blah, Blah, Blah, cute indifferent introductory comment about myself, blah, blah, blah, whimscal ironic reference to my aspirations, blah, blah, blah, slightly misogynistic, while not being overly offensive...but cute at the same time comment about women, blah, blah, blah, where jimmy hoffa's body is, blah, blah, blah, me listing the "achievments" thus far in my burgeoning career that are supposed to make you think I'm "somebody important", blah, blah, blah, uninformed and vague political platitude, blah, blah, blah, blahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Who I'd like to meet: My Death, and offer him/her milk and cookies, and talk about The Teletubbies.
Hi Michael! How ya doing? I hope you had a nice Easter. Just wanted to check in on you, and make sure you are behaving :) ...BTW, you should join facebook!!! Hope all is well!
Hey there! Did you get my nice voicemail I left you the other night? Anthony, my roomate and I were in a happy place, having a snowed in party, and you were one of the lucky ones we chose to call. Hope all is well!!! :)
Hey Michael! It was so nice to finally meet you. I had such a wonderful time hanging out with you, Chad, Anthony, and your mom. Sorry I didn't get to say bye to ya, but hopefully I will see you again ;) Good luck with everything.
i completely understand. you need to make sure your personal life doesn't become fodder for tabloids! glad to hear of the june move as everything is fabulous here in LA.
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