About me:
Yes, my devoted fans, my life-long dream finally becomes reality. On March 21 I shall join the ranks of Affleck, Diesel, and De Vito as a professional movie star with my first big screen début! We’re not talking about some cameo walk-on either, we’re dealing with a mini-epic dedicated to yours truly (well, it’s about tea, but I’m pretty much in every scene).

The film in question is the acclaimed ‘A Tale of Two Continents’. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and it’ll be messy, but I think you’re going to like it. People in critic-land seem to agree with me:

But, enough words! Feast your eyes on the trailer by visiting my official film site.

Well now, I’m sure you’re all restless to see the whole film, and what better way to do so than with your family for free?! You’ll watch my amazing film and receive a goody bag hand-picked by my stylist, Paul. You don’t have to thank me, just have a go at my quiz over on www.pgtips.co.uk/ataleoftwocontinents and I’ll see what I can do.

This film was not the first time I’ve played myself on camera. True fans might remember my original screen debut when I choreographed and starred in the first ever Monkey-based hip-hop workout Laserdisc. It was between me and Mr. Motivator for the GMTV breakfast spot for a while - I guess they thought he looked better in Lycra in the end. Philistines.

Make your desktop well wicked with a big-up pic of me, innit.

After that I was asked to front an experimental Hawaiian-fusion cooking show. We shot twenty-five episodes. I hear it did quite well in Turkey. I might have a few copies of the book that accompanied the series; if you’re a Hawaiian fusion fan let me know.

I also auditioned to do the motion-capture for Peter Jackson’s ‘King Kong’ to give the big ape natural movement. It was disappointing not to get the part, I even had a little gorilla suit made especially.

Who I’d like to meet:
I’m currently available for interviews, autographs, public appearances, charity dinners, smashing bottles against boats, turning on Christmas lights and Strictly Come Dancing. All interested parties can contact me through my agent.

Favourite websites:
www.pgtips.co.uk
www.rainforest-alliance.org
www.comicrelief.com