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Illuminati Bavaria Motorcycle Cabal
presents -
The Caustic Mass of the Motorcycle
A Discordian Ritual Celebrating of the Mystical Union of Bike and Rider
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(The DEACON, bearing the BOOK OF THE MOTO (THE HONEST SHOP MANUAL OF
TRUTH), opens the door of the Temple, admits the Congregation, and takes
his/her stand in front of the Altar)
(There should be a doorkeeper to attend to the admission.)
(The DEACON advances and bows before the open shrine (Audrey's Beemer?
Bergfurer?) where the Graal is exalted. S/He kisses the BOOK OF THE MOTO
(THE HONEST SHOP MANUAL OF TRUTH) three times, opens it, and places it
upon the super-altar. S/He turns and faces the Congregation.)
DEACON: Do it until thou wilt on a HOG without flaw.
I proclaim the Law of Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Bad
in the name of M-O-T-O.
CONGREGATION: Cruise is the law, cruise in the wind!
(Facing the Congregation, the DEACON gives the step and sign of a Man and
a Brother [kick start and peace sign].)
(All imitate him.)
DEACON & CONGREGATION:
I believe in one secret and ineffable MOTORCYCLE;
the first internal Combustion Engine,
built in Germany in 1885,
Mystery of Mystery,
in It's name BABALON,
And I believe in one Goddess,
ERIS, Goddess of Discord,
who started the Trojan war,
with a golden apple.
Mystery of Mystery,
in Her name CHAOS.
And I believe in the Eye in the Triangle,
Mystery of Mystery,
in His name BAPHOMET.
And I believe in the biker's creed of Freedom, Independence,
Self-Determination,
and Brotherhood on the Road,
the Word of whose Law is BALANCE.
And I believe in Nothing, Everything is Sacred!
I believe in Everything, Nothing is Sacred!
And, forasmuch as gas and oil are transmuted in our engines daily
into a force for propulsion,
I believe in the Miracle of the Mass.
And I confess It Is An Ill Wind That Blows No Minds!
VROOM. VROOM. VROOM.
(Music is now played.) (Steppenwolf - Born to Be Wild?) (Sound of a loud
Motorcycle starting up.) (The PRIESTESS enters from the left riding a
Motorcycle, parks in front of the Altar.) (Two Altar Bros in Leather
follow behind, bearing the Piston-Censor and the Container of Holy Oil.)
(The Altar Bros stand on either side of the Bike.) (The PRIESTESS, wearing
leathers, lounges on the seat of the bike, posing.) (The PRIESTESS gives
the Hailing Sign of a Brother [peace sign])
PRIESTESS: Let's Go For a RIDE!
(All give the Hailing sign of a Brother [peace sign], the DEACON leading.)
(The PRIEST staggers in and falls down prostrating himself in front of the
bike.)
(The PRIESTESS traces three crosses ( X ) in the air over the PRIEST with
a large wrench as she recites:)
PRIESTESS: In the name of the Wrench of Maintenance
I say unto thee, Arise, Sober Up,
That thou mayst Show the Light unto the Brethren.
(The PRIEST then kneels, and worships the Bike and the PRIESTESS with both
hands.) (Penitential music.) (Cramps - Maneater?)
PRIEST: I am a Poseur among Righteous Bikers.
(The PRIEST stands and takes the Wrench of Maintenance from the PRIESTESS.)
PRIEST: How should I be worthy to Show the Light to the Brethren?
(The Altar Bro bearing the Container of Holy Oil hands it to the PRIESTESS
and she anoints the PRIEST'S forehead.)
PRIESTESS: Be the Priest a smooth mover and ever handy with his wrench, O
thou Priest of Two-Wheels!
(The PRIESTESS hands the Holy Oil back to the Altar Bro.) (The Altar Bro
bearing the Piston-Censor adds a pinch of special Illuminati incense to
the censor, hands it to the PRIESTESS who then waves it around the
PRIEST.)
PRIESTESS: Be the Priest ever Vigilant and Alert, O thou Priest of the
Road!
(The PRIESTESS hands the censer back to the Altar Bro.) (The DEACON takes
the Consecrated Set of Colors from the High Altar and hands it to the
PRIESTESS.) (She robes the PRIEST in his the Set of Colors.)
PRIESTESS: Be the Priest a Brother and a Righteous Biker, O thou Priest of
the Eye in the Triangle!
(The DEACON takes the Helmet and Sunglasses from the Altar, hands it to
the PRIESTESS, who then places them upon the PRIESTUS head.)
PRIESTESS: Be the Priest an Independent, Free Thinking Soul, O thou Priest
of the Light!
(The PRIEST kneels and worships the PRIESTESS and the Bike.)
THE SAINTS
DEACON: Insofar as our trip down the temporal highway
is guided by the tracks left by those Illuminati of antiquity,
let us now invoke the Saints of of the Mass.
We call upon thee:
Adam Weishaupt ( X )
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
DEACON: Hasan-i Sabbah ( X )
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
DEACON: Dr. Albert Hoffman ( X )
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
DEACON: Sir Aleister Crowley ( X )
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
DEACON: Malaclypse the Younger, ( X )
Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, ( X )
Robert Anton Wilson, ( X )
Emperor Joshua Norton, ( X )
Bill the Cat, ( X )
and other Holy Prophets of Discordianism and Keepers of the Sacred
Chao!
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
DEACON: William S. Burroughs, ( X )
Robert Pirsig, ( X )
Dr. Timothy Leary, ( X )
James Joyce, ( X )
Herman Hesse, ( X )
and many a holy bard who showed us that Language is a Virus from
Outer Space and that the Map is not the Territory.
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
DEACON: Ken Kesey, ( X )
Jerry Garcia, ( X )
and many a (un)holy Prankster, Trickster, and Coyote!
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
DEACON: Mother Miles, ( X )
Sonny Barger, ( X )
Johnny and Chino, ( X )
and many a holy Angel in Black Leather that bore the Cup and Grail
against the tyranny of Authority!
DEACON: Janis Joplin, ( X )
Ruby the Dyke, ( X )
Anita Hoffman, ( X )
Alice B. Toklas, ( X )
and many other Howling Hellcats, Humping a Hot Hog, on a Roaring
Rampage of Rebellion!
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
DEACON: And all the rest of the addle-pated, greasy-haired, beer-bellied,
booze-chuggin, dope-smokin, shit-kickin, nose-pickin, ass-grabbin,
crotch-sniffin, cocksuckin, clitlickin, muggafuggin, low-life dirtbags of
Two-Wheeled Thunder, may their pungent presence suffuse us with the
strength to sustain us in the protracted debauchery of our worship.
CONGREGATION: RIDE WITH US!
THE COMMUNION
(The PRIESTESS holds the Bag of Mystery Hosts in her right hand and the
Quart of Beer in her left hand with raised arms.)
PRIESTESS: There is no law beyond Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Bad.
(The PRIEST stands up and raises the Wrench of Maintenance.)
PRIEST: IO IO IO, M-O-T-O, IO PAN PANHEAD, IO SHOVELHEAD, IO BEVELHEAD, IO
KNUCKLEHEAD, IO AIRHEAD;
AGUSTAS KYRIE, GUZZI KYRIE, VINCENS KYRIE; NORTON KYRIE
KAIRE TROMPE, KAIRE SUZUKE, KAIRE HONDOR, KAIRE KAWASAKI, KAIRE
INDIO;
EVO EVO EVO!
(Arrayed on the Altar are several quarts of beer, the cheaper the better,
and a crumpled paper bag of Mystery Sacrament, which can be candies,
crackers, gummi worms, whatever.
(The Priest takes the Wrench of Maintenance and blesses the beer and bag.)
PRIEST: By the Power of the Rod, let this batch of Milwaukee's
cheapest Swill be the Motor Oil of Perpetual Motion.
By the Power of the Rod,
let this bag of Mystery Sacrament
be the Substance of Indefatiguable Alloy.
(The PRIESTESS takes a Sacrament from the bag and pops it into the
PRIEST'S mouth)
PRIEST: Chow down!
(The PRIESTESS pours a paper cup of beer and hands it to the PRIEST.)
PRIEST: Bottoms up!
(The PRIEST faces the congregation and grabs his crotch.)
I'm all revved up and ready to ride!
CONGREGATION: Fuckin aye!
(The DEACON grabs each member of the Congregation who wishes to partake by
the collar and hustles him or her to the altar, where they repeat the
Priest's actions and words. After each member takes communion and
addresses the Congregation, they respond with "Fuckin aye!")
THE BENEDICTION
(After the congregation has taken communion, the PRIEST traces crosses (X)
over the Congregation with the Wrench of Maintenance as he recites:)
PRIEST: May your Bike always start on the First Kick,
May you enjoy the wind in your hair and bugs in your teeth to a
ripe old age,
May the highway always be wide open in front of you as you ride off
into the sunset.
(The PRIEST jumps on the bike with the Priestess, and rides off.)
(The DEACON and Altar Bros follow.)
(Music)
..
..
Books
Some of these links are obsolete but will be updated soon!
The Illuminatus! Trilogy by Robert Shea & Robert Anton Wilson
The Illuminati Papers/Prometheus Rising by R.A.Wilson
1.) The BIMC membership is international and nonaligned - founded on July 2, 1982 in Kochel Am See, Bavaria, Germany.
The bottom rocker will always read "Bavaria" in reference
to its historical origin.
2.) In light of recent events in Laughlin, Seattle, Eugene, Sweden, and around the globe we catagorically state that the BIMC is non-territorial and not a party to any inter-club conflicts or business.
BIMC members strive to offer Respect and Courtesy to other patch holders.
3.) BIMC members are "Nomads" or "Lone Wolves" and each
is a President unto themself, solely responsible for their own actions and aware of the consequences of such.
Miscellaneous Position Statements,By-Laws and Reference Materials of
the BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI MOTORCYCLE CLUB and CONSPIRACY(INT'L):
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Love is the law,love under will.
"An' it harm none,do as you will!"
We believe in Everything,Nothing is Sacred!
We believe in Nothing,Everything is Sacred!
'Tis an Ill Wind that Blows no Minds!
Nothing is true! Everything is permissible!
Bavarian Illuminati M/C Charter
I. The Illuminati M/C is a Collective of Free Individuals,and claims no
affiliation with any national, regional,or political bodies or
organizations,nor do we acknowledge any authority other than the Higher Self!
II.All members of the Illuminati M/C are also,independently,Club Presidents.
This is based on the premise that No Communication Is Possible Except Between
Equals! Each President is completely autonomous,free to induct other members
and develop their Chapters in whatever direction they dictate through their
Imagination and Will!
III. The Nature of this Club is Anarchistic,Egalitarian, and Iconoclastic. Non-Members may petition to join,but should be made aware that
Selection is strictly up to the individual President(s) concerned.(Tricky
Business!)
IV. Each President is Free to reproduce the Club Colors, Letterhead,
Whatever - modify, create,and distribute them according to their Will.
The Colors shall always include the distinctive Eye of Horus within the
Triangle,and regardless of geographical location,BAVARIA.
V. An Air of Mystery should be conveyed to non-members,especially with regard
to such intangibles as Club Rituals, membership size,etc. Acts of violence,
domination,prejudice,unwarranted aggression or any other Negative Action in the
name of the Club,as well as territorialism,terrorism,and intra/extraClub
rivalry
Will Not Be Tolerated,and will be summarily punished by the Law of Threefold
Return, through Karma,instant or otherwise! Be Warned! The Responsibility for
your actions is Yours Alone! Disgrace thyself and thy Club not,at Peril of
Dire Consequences!
VI. While many Club Mysteries have Mystical Overtones,it should be reminded
that no philosophical or religious affiliation is required,or even desired,
for membership other than the highest ideals of Illumination and the Biker
Lifestyle - Freedom,Independence,Self-Determination! Beware the pitfalls of
this Lifestyle's Dark Side lest you be consumed - Ride in Balance!
..Illuminati Song..
Illuminati...
They put a thing made of tinfoil on top of my door...
What is it for?
Illuminati...
Shooting a ray at my cornflakes to make them turn green...
What does it mean?
The Illuminati... They're watching me, I know.
The Illuminati... They're everywhere I go.
Illuminati...
Doing unspeakable things in the night to a cow...
Where are they now?
Illuminati...
Sent an impostor in place of the Popsicle man...
What is their plan?
The Illuminati... They're watching me, I know.
The Illuminati... They're everywhere I go.
Illuminati...
They cancelled Star Trek, The Fonz, and My Mother, the Car...
Are they bizarre?
You can't escape them;
Even if you take a plane to Nepal or Peru...
They'll be there, too...
The Illuminati... They're watching me, I know.
The Illuminati... They're everywhere I go.
I know that they know all about me...
They know that I know all about them...
Illuminati...
Hide their assassins' instructions in newspaper text...
Who will be next?
They're all around us...
Underline every third word in the Times and you'll see...
How can it be?
The Illuminati... They're watching me, I know.
The Illuminati... They're everywhere I go.
They're in the attic and the cellar...
Bigger than Hunt or Rockefeller...
Illuminati...
Go through my garbage and count all the pop bottles there...
Why do they care?
They're out to get me...
They're fluoridating my water from their UFO...
What do they know?
The Illuminati... They're everywhere, I see.
The Illuminati... And no one knows but me.
..
..
Who I'd like to meet:
FAQ: All about the Illuminati
1. There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret
knowledge. Anything you might say about them (including this) will be
false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which only
adds to the confusion and mystery.
2. The Illuminati infiltrate and take over organizations of all
kinds, from churches to the post office to the corner grocery store,
and turn them to their own ends.
3. And, just as a black joke, some of their subject organizations
advertise themselves as Secret Societies!
4. They have agents and ....sleepers'' planted everywhere. Many of
these people have no idea who they are really reporting to. Others
are active members of the conspiracy, working their way ever deeper
into the fabric of society.
5. They control the schools in order to make sure that young people
learn to enjoy strange tuneless music and weird outlandish games, and
that they dress oddly.
6. They also try to recruit the best and the brightest young people
as agents, to insure the next generation of the Conspiracy.
7. They constantly feud among themselves and war with other groups
and organizations. Each group of Illuminati is constantly striving to
increase its power base and undermine the competition.
8. Their first means of dealing with opposition is to buy it off. To
any group as rich as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are
nothing.
9. Next they try threats. Danger to possessions, status or loved ones
has dissuaded many a would-be foe of Illuminati schemes.
10. And, of course, murder is an ancient political weapon. The
Illuminati have been responsible for some of the most shocking
assassinations of modern times.
11. They also replace people with doubles. For many years they
recruited look-alikes who would serve their ends. Now they are
perfecting cloning technology that will let them replace
anybody.
12. Those who can't be dealt with any other way are discredited or
driven mad.
13. The Illuminati conspiracy is hundreds, if not thousands, of years
old. Many of the most famous names of history have been Illuminated,
or Illuminati agents. Indeed, all of history is nothing more than an
outside view of the schemes and struggles of the Illuminati.
14. And, of course, the Illuminati are constantly rewriting history
to serve their own goals. For instance, modern schoolchildren are
taught that there is no historical evidence of Eris or King Arthur, and
they learn nothing about the Russo-German War or the state of Arcadia.
15. They control the news media, so you hear what they want you to
about today's news. Any event that doesn't fit in with their program
will be quickly hushed up.
16. In particular, they control television. They don't permit
intelligent shows to survive; they encourage mind candy that will
keep people from thinking. The only reason good shows are permitted
to appear at all is to convince intelligent people that nobody else
likes such material, and that there must be something wrong with
them.
17. The Illuminati manipulate the stock market and control currencies
on an international level. Your paycheck is worth just what the
Illuminati want it to be.
18. Likewise, the entire ....energy crisis'' is an Illuminati
invention. There's no shortage of energy, of a dozen different kinds,
but plentiful free energy might threaten the Illuminated power base!
19. The Illuminati are doing their best to hold back the space
program, for the same reason. If mankind was spread out through the
solar system, they'd be much harder to control. [Not all the
Illuminati agree on this. Some of them lust after the mineral wealth
of space, and some want (literally) new worlds to conquer.]
20. And some of them are in touch with aliens from outer space. Some
of them ARE aliens. Why would ....advanced beings'' want to meddle with
the affairs of Earthlings? Good question.
21. Worse, some of them have actual magical powers and are in league
with forces from . . . elsewhere. Great huge beings that are madness
to look upon, or tiny, malicious things that glare and gibber from
dark corners. They have pins and dolls; they know old names.
22. Other Illuminati have embraced technology. Their files of
information are much more useful when backed by the power of the
computer. They are also conditioning everyone to believe that
computers are so complicated and dangerous that only the Experts
should play with them. Next time you get an electric bill for
$666,666.66, you know who's behind it.
23. And some of these technophiles have gone a step farther, creating
actual machine intelligences. These sentient computers are now,
themselves, a force amoung the ruling Illuminati!
24. The Illuminati don't like war; it's expensive and wasteful. War
only happens when two groups of Illuminati are very evenly matched
and neither is willing to negotiate. But then they whip a few nations
into a patriotic fervor and go at it.
25. They send secret messages through the newspapers and airwaves -
in the classified ads, and even buried in news reports. They have
other, even stranger forms of secret communications . . . all around
you, all the time.
26. They keep everyone - yes, everyone - under constant
surveillance. Every time you fill out another questionnaire, you're
weaving another strand of the net that binds the world.
27. They are working to make the law as confusing as possible, so
everything will be illegal or potentially illegal - then they have a
hold on everybody and everyone will fear the laws.
28. They encourage resistance to authority among young people and
political dissidents, to distract government attention from the real
enemy within.
29. But when they reach a satisfactory level of control, they turn
their efforts toward extinguishing independence and encouraging
mindless obedience to whatever orders come from the Illuminati or
their servants.
30. They commit random atrocities - poisoning food at grocery stores,
murdering old blind ladies, sniping on the freeway - just to make
people vaguely confused, frightened and paranoid.
31. They suppress inventions which might change the status quo. The
100-mile-a-gallon carburator, the perfect contraceptive, and the
cornucopia plant are all lying in Illuminati vaults, waiting for the
day when it will suit the Secret Masters to release them. What
happened to the inventors? Bought off, intimidated, or just vanished.
32. On the other hand, they also maintain secret laboratories where
they develop new weapons and devices of all kind.
33. Their arcane investigations cause all sorts of mysteries. Ever
wonder about the Loch Ness Monster? The ....cattle mutilations?'' The
Oregon Crud?
34. And they require hundreds of human victims every year for their
experiments. Ever wonder why there are so many Missing Persons reports,
and why so few of those people are found?
35. They are constantly experimenting with new types of mind control.
They put drugs in drinking water, flash subliminal messages during
movies and TV shows, and play instructions that you can't quite hear
over supermarket loudspeakers. They experiment with microwaves and
ultra-low-frequency devices, too.
36. And every wire in your house is a potential pathway for
Illuminati messages, attacks or controlling rays. Did you ever stop
to think just how many wires lead to your house? And do you have any
idea where they really come from?
37. Naturally, they discourage investigation of the strange and
unusual, because it might lead to them. But they encourage people to
joke about the Illuminati.
38. They also publish supermarket tabloids, just to make sure that
everybody thinks ....Hitler's Brain Is Alive!'' and ....Bigfoot Seen In
Hawaii'' are just jokes.
39. And they encourage the craziest pseudo-science ....researchers''
they can find, because this tends to discredit legitimate
investigators into the unusual.
40. A popular belief is that the Illuminati want power for its own
sake. This is true of some of them. But other Illuminated groups
exist to support an ideology, to achieve a particular goal, or simply
to oppose some other group of Illuminati!
41. One of their chief preoccupations is life extension by any means
possible. Nobody who has held ultimate power for fifty years is eager
to let it go. Anything you can think of . . . yoga, cryonics,
body-exchange, magic, cloning, goat (or other) glands, transfusions,
computerized personality duplication . . . has been tried by the
Illuminati at one time or another. And some of them work!
42. Furthermore, powerful Illuminati from past centuries lie waiting
to be revived when science allows it. Mummies, pickled corpses,
frozen bodies, conscious brains in jars . . . you would
recognize the names if we could mention them.
43. You're not cleared for this one.
44. They use disease as a weapon to discipline their own populations
or destroy competing ones. Black Death in Europe, smallpox among the
American Indians . . . The swine flu, a few years ago, was thwarted
by opposing forces, or you probably wouldn't be reading this.
45. They have a variety of unhuman and inhuman servants. The dreaded
Men in Black are perhaps their best-known agents. No one knows
whether the MIBs are androids, golems, or something even worse.
Perhaps they were once human . . .
46. And they really are breeding a Master Race. The Nazis had no idea
how they were being used, or why. And they'd be horrified at the
Illuminati's idea of perfection!
47. The Illuminati know weird sexual techniques undreamed of in the
Kama Sutra. They also know why those techniques are used.
48. The next time you spend too much money to buy something you
didn't want or need, and it breaks in a week, you can be sure you've
just contributed to an Illuminati fund-raising project.
49. They start chain letters. They also plant rumors that the Red Cross
can buy an iron lung if you send them a million cigarette packages, and
that dying children in England want ten million business cards. No one
knows why they do this.
50. Fnord.
Bavarian Illuminati M/C's Friend Space (Randomized)
I'm glad to see that the BIMC still exists! I remember reading the Caustic Mass of the Motorcycle over 10 years ago and laughing uproariously. I would love to see it performed sometime! Ride safe, brothers and sisters!
On Friday, June 12th 2009, please join us for our 2nd Year Anniversary Party! Food & Live DJ! Come deep and win the "Deepest MC" Trophy. For more info., hit us up on our forums http://forum.bad-mc.com/ For Presale tickets, please email us at info@bad-mc.com
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