-Big D-

About me:

The details of my life are quite inconsequential. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian woman named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try. Truthfully all you need to know is the philosophys I live by-The good die young,so be an asshole once daily and live longer.There are many a slip between a cup and a lip. One good friend is worth 10,000 relatives. Shame on you, NEVER let it get to shame on me. And don't piss down my back and tell me its rainin. Thats about it in a nut-shell.So now when you end up on the express train to hell when you get there act like you own the place. I already have my application in to run the pitch-fork. I'll see ya there! ..
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