Since 1991, Mr. Santa has taunted you. Are you gonna take that shit?
Mr. Santa will make your private party or event unforgettable! With an unmistakable knack for spotting celebrities amongst your party guests, an alarming ability to fall down without breaking things, and a song in his heart, Mr. Santa is always a party animal for you!
Mr. Santa has been entertaining groups since 1991. Choose the full stand-up act, Karaoke party, both or neither for your next event!
Hear Mr. Santa Fridays 10pm PST on 100.1 FM Pine Mountain Club, California!
So tHe holIday sEason is upOn us. i have alReady begun sitting in a bIg chair in thE mall while little kIds sIt on mY lap tO pee on me. CoMe by and vIsit. YoU might get to sEe me freak tHe fuck oUt anD gO nuts with dRunkn de litE at some kId dUring my next sHift.
And fOr all you soCcer moMs who wAnt to pUt your kIds on mY lap: eXpect a Bullet. 'Cuuz I boght me a brand new 22! That's right! It's the giving season and I got a lotta buLlets to give. So brIng it on, JeNnifer or HeAther oR whaTever your Name is. I gOt a hunKa lead wIth your naMe On it!
Click the holiday to the right to read me bitch about it. . . –>
So the jErks reKorded Me aNd that iZ the shit yOu can find oN this 'myspace' page. Myspace is sTUuPid, just for the reKord. I would rather pull my bALL OUT through my DICK than be part of this wEb thing but these guys in Suits with gUns told me I had to.
Here iZ some "proMotional" buLlshit thAt thos fuCking aSSholes at the reKord laBel put on here. Those gUys woLdn't know comedy if I walked in there and bit them on the ass! They make Me try to get gigs so "people can hear the songs" - idiots. How is that Gonna help? Those fukcers... anYway, hIre me to Host yoUr thiingy. I will be " rEally nICe" to YOUR guests.
M r . S a n t a "F a n" Q u o t e s !
"I just spent an hour laughing my ass off to Mr. Santa! I miss Mr. Santa!" - Jay King, audiolingo.org, Little Rock, AR
"Revoltingly Refreshing. The bastard snatched my toupee off..." - Judge Harold Newman, Los Angeles, CA
"Get away from me! Who are you!?!" Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis TN
"Riotous Entertainment!" - That Jiffy Lube Guy, Little Rock, AR
"Spank me first! Spank me first!" Amy Lee, Evanescence, LR, AR / NY, NY
"Mr. Santa's ex, Vulvateequa, better watch her back!" - Maria Sir Jon, Ontario, CA
"Drunk Santa!" - Matt Besser, Walk Hard, and the UCB Theater NY, NY
Mr. Santa and Some Band want to make your next event memorable. Don't miss out! Book early! Custom details to meet your specific party needs. No event too small or big. Mr. Santa's holiday / ex-wife / cab driving spectacle-of-a-show is available for any private party, birthday, bar/bat-mitzvah, graduation, family reunion, wedding, funeral, casual sex encounter or open-marriage escapade. Send a request for more information about party details.
Photos by Christy Ward, Bill Suitt, Jason Gregory, Larry Hunter.
Line-Up:
Mr. Santa - Drinking, Driving, Drinking, Napping, Drinking, Vocals, Drinking, Falling Down, Drinking, Throwing Up - pretty much in that order
Some Band:
Carroll Channning (no relation to Carol Channing) - Rim-Shot, Smack-Use, Nodding-Off, Not Getting a Job, Occasionally Dosing Mr. Santa with Various Liquid Narcotics
Chad Habig - Keyboards, Sequencing, Crowd Control, Brain-Use
Steve Pariah - Guitar, Bass, Dealing, Production, BG Vocals
Trevor Bin - Bass, Keyboards, Rhythm Guitar, Percussion, BG Vocals
Steve Ross - Trumpet, Keyboards, Drink Overseer
Rik Harmon - Trombone, Liquor Store Delivery
Johnny Raft - Synthesizers, Sax, Tuba, Bells, Xylophone
Pretty Boy Tommie - Drums, Percussion, Programing, Pots 'n Pans
Larry Hunter - Programming, Production, Psychedelic Sequences
Mr. Santa Live at Vino's in Little Rock, Arkansas Pt. 1
Mr. Santa Live at Vino's in Little Rock, Arkansas Pt. 2
Mr. Santa Live at Vino's in Little Rock, Arkansas Pt. 3
Please enjoy other artists on Rural War Room Records by clicking below:
Jim Beam, John Powers, Jack Daniels, Evan Williams, Paul Mason, Elijah Craig, Michael Collins, Tom Beringer, Samuel Adams, Ernest Gallo, Julio Gallo, Foster Brooks, James Best, Night Train.
Sounds Like
Shit. Also sounds (to a lesser degree) like Bob Wall, Blowfly, Weird Al, Dickie Goodman.
I like drinkin' booze. I also like to fuck your sister. I usually drink and yell a lot. People seem to like it when I do. I am a middle-aged divorced mall-santa. Vulvateequa, that goddamn bitch ex-wife o' mine took everything I ever had! God rest her soul. She is dead. She choked on a chicken bone. I tried to do the hymen manueuvre on her... but alas... she died. Maybe I should have done it around her stomach instead of her neck... Oh, well. My friend Carroll Channning (no relation to Carol Channing) likes to shoot up a lot of smack. She so smacked-up that she got locked in the bathroom and got so scared that she peed her pants. What a stupid bitch. She's so stupid that on job applications under "education" she puts "Hooked on Phonics" - when everybody knows that bitch doesn't know what phonics is! That bitch can't even get a job at Rally's! That's right, Rally's!!!
New girLfriend! My new girLfrieNd, I call her ClOwny, is a big internet sTAr! tA ke a BoW!
GET THIS WEEKS SPECIAL ONLY ,3 BEATS FOR A $100 OR $50 A BEAT .. PAYPAL IS AVAILABLE (LMONEY24@GMAIL.COM) 314-392-1134 (DIERCT) 140*310*3843 314-771-0346 (OFFICE) 9 A.M. - 5 P.M. CST EXCLUSIVE CUSTOM PRODUCTION IS AVAILABLE STARTING OFF @ $400 . twitter.com/falatherel1 soundclick.com/falabeats
Well, goddamit...I didn't even get you a present to throw up on...okay, I admit it- I did...a bottle of CHEAP scotch. But I drank it and threw it up on myself. Looked good sitting on the puddle of vodka mixed w/ canned corn on my lap...(still kicking myself that I added you AFTER Christmas. KILL ME!)
Hey Mr. Santa...you scumbag. You still owe me money for that little job I did for you back during the last State elections. Let me jog your memory...something to do with you, hidden cameras, raindeer, Huckabee. Ha...bet you didn't know I made two copies of the tape. Do you honestly think that by you disappearing for a while I'll just forget about what you owe? That I'll just let it blow over. Well, no...It's not blowing over baby. Good thing your ego is so friggin' big that you just can't help but whore yourself out on myspace. I'm letting you know right here and now...pay up or I'm going public. Love, Momma
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