Nasty Evil Ninja

About me:

.... It's about time this got updated, if for no other reason than to see if anyone notices!

Me? I'm possibly the most passionate lazy git who ever lived.

Happy to ride the fastset bikes in the world, I'll then take off my helmet and be so laid-back you can see the soles of my feet when I walk.

I have a few claims to fame, but the one which sticks with most is that I once had a turd like Frank Bruno's leg.

That said, I'm a true Warrior Poet. I've studied the most deadly martial arts (including Ninpo Budo Taijutsu, Muay Thai and Russian Systema) from the age of eight, and am also a published poet and writer. But I don't really like reading poetry.

I'm easting pasta right now - but probably not at the same time you're reading this - so don't assume that's all there is to me. I'd be a total carnivore if I had my choice, and am more than happy to try eating anything that used to have a face. This has involved live crickets and a kangaroo - but that was dead.

I smile too much but that's only because you're all miserable cunts who can't see the humour in every part of our lives.

Oh, and I blog and stuff, but not as much as I used to. Go and have a read unless you actually know me. And if you DO know me and resemble one of teh many Flying Monkeys sent to destroy me, please bear in mind that hundreds of thousands of people have seen and commented on my blog, so have a think about that before opening your big fat mouth to try and use it against me in one of my local village pubs.

In the butchered words of Mr Reed: "I haven't committed a crime since 2001 - and even then I didn't do it." Whatever I try and tell you.

I fancied Ali Keeley in Middle School and never told her.

I will probably change this when I realise I shouldn't have written bits like the last line.