Stylistically funkadelic from sunrise to set, peppered with a spicy side of soulful flavour, I'm like taking a trip across the globe to all the freshest and grooviest counter-culture hangouts and back-alley restaurants in about 2 and a half seconds flat - all without having to even leave the comfort of your own chair. I'm a million different voices all screaming at you with exactly the same sound, and I'm the demon in the design. The killer and the redeemer, a lunchtime genius fascinated with the illogic in the world. A stealer of hearts, whimsical and easy with a smooth tongue tipped in silver and gold, charismatic like the most despicable men ever to have graced themselves terra firma. Sound like your kind of curry? Feel free to take a spoonful at your own leisure...

If not, you know what? That's cool too. You know why? Because as hard as I try, I can't define myself in words. Reducing oneself to simple yes or no responses to ambiguous criteria is no way to give someone life and a truly unique worth of their own, it's negating them and any form of speciality they bring to the table. Sure, I'm an enigma, and sure I like to play that up, but at the end of the day I'm just like you - a single face in a pool of 6,453,628,000* - all trying to stand out and make the best of the time we're stuck on this giant lump of universal dust. Get to know me, and I'm quietly confident you won't be disappointed by what you find.