Please note: An unidentified individual has been stealing lunches from the refrigerator on the 8th floor, north side. In recent weeks, no less than three bagged lunches have been taken by the thief, who may or may not be an African-American male.
The latest item to disappear, I'm very sad to report, was my own 24 oz. bottle of Diet Pepsi, which - although not technically a lunch in itself - was quite dear to me. In the spirit of proactive response, I have attached an initialed post-it note to today's bottle. I am confident that this will deter further attempts at theft. However, please be alert to any suspicious activity in the future.
Hoboken police have provided the following composite sketch of the criminal (based on hearsay and conjecture):
The victims have primarily been forgetful women between the ages of 60-80. There are no signs, however, that my role as Sophia in Halloween 2003's production of "The Golden Girls" is in any way related to the case. Thank you.