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SUMMERFEST OPENING CEREMONIES - 2009

Streetlife View - Life Is a Highway with Danny Gokey

Streetlife with Danny Gokey - October 30, 2009

November 11, 2009
I am not sure who reads my blogs on this website. I would hope the people who read these are not people who are hoping that I’ll write some devastating story about a situation I’ve gotten myself into that I can’t get out of, or that I’m failing miserably at something that I ventured out to do.

I waited for almost a year to post anything on here. Mainly because I was so busy trying to understand who I am - trying desperately to get a relationship started with myself that was positive and real. I don’t think I ever had that. I can honestly say that now. I don’t think I ever really quite viewed myself as a child of God, or an individual who has a purpose. I never looked at myself as someone who genuinely had something to offer. I think I faked my way through in making people believe that this person existed who totally had it together. In some areas, I totally did have it together…but I was kidding myself by subconsciously believing that I didn’t have more to learn, or more things that needed to be figured out.

Especially as it deals with the abuse.

There is an unbelievable freedom that happens when you’ve been forced to look at yourself in ways that you never had before. With eyes wide open, without distortion - seeing yourself as you’ve presented yourself to everyone else, and how damaged you are. The work is so hard. I can’t even explain it. The work that goes into understanding who you are. It’s unbelievably heart wrenching. After awhile though, you start to feel something. Something amazing.

I hear bad things that happen in the world, but I notice more of the good stuff. I take the time to talk to people…anyone. And I listen so much more now. I feel like the world is this playground of different areas where everyone can go. I mean, as a kid, the playground was totally unlimited in terms of joy. It existed in every corner. One corner may not have satisfied one kids desire for joy, but there was absolutely a corner that existed that was healthy, and safe, and totally okay. That is the world to me now. Not some closed off portion of dirty and disgusting existence. There is a lot of good. There is a log of good in people. You just have to bring it out.

I have been dealing a lot with forgiveness too. Mainly of myself. I’m having a bit of hard time with that. But, forgiveness for others is coming much more easily and sooner than I thought. Anger, hatred and non-forgiveness hurts the angered, the haters and non-forgivers, more than the ones who you’re dishing it out too. I’ve always known that. But I realize this more now, because of the distractions that come about when you think about it. It takes you away. It’s not cool. So…I’ll get there. I’m following the directions. I’m on my boat. I’m takin’ the long way, because I want to enjoy the scenery. And I really want to make room for others who want to get on:)

Peace!

Friday, November 6, 2009 – 8:37pm
Today has been a fabulous day.

I just got back from taking my son to a school dance. My son’s entire attitude has changed since I have been able to spend more time with him. He has been more receptive and has been asking me questions about EVERYTHING. When he feels scared, he calls me right away, like he feels like he can count on me. He has been so excited to have me take him to and pick him up from school. In addition, I had lunch with him on Wednesday, and he was so excited when I showed up at his school. He kept saying “This is my mommy” and smiling widely. He told me that he feels so much better that I’m able to spend more time with him.

I spent almost the entire day working on a presentation about childhood sexual abuse. Last night I spend a lot of time doing research…something I haven’t done in ages…on childhood sexual abuse that takes place on Indian Reservations. I was astounded by the numbers. When I began to read statistics regarding culture and race as it relates to childhood sexual abuse, I came to the realization that the statistics are only based on what has been reported. I understood that there are probably so many more that they know nothing about. Although I want to focus on the ones who’ve used their voice, I really want to focus on the ones who don’t know that they have one. So that is my goal. I worked REALLY hard on this presentation, and I’m confident that it will go over well.

Lastly, in the history of Rhonda, I have come across many combative situations. In my distant past, I used to really fight hard in situations that clearly, I was at fault for. I mean almost to a crazy point of trying to prove something that just didn’t exist. WOW…hard to come to that realization, but it’s true. I think this may have something to do with my abuse – something in terms of not being listened to. Wanting so badly to be listened to. Right now, I’ve realized something amazing and very freeing.

First of all, I have a voice. Always have. And I have been listened to. Every prayer of mine up until this point has been answered. That doesn’t happen when nobody’s listening. Even though there are some situations that have everything in place for me to fight it…everything in place for me to make a ruckus and roar, I don’t want to anymore. I don’t have to. And I realize that this yelling will take me away from working on and focusing on what God wants me to do. So…I say my words, I do what I gotta do, and I walk away. And let me tell you, that is something I have never, ever done in my life.

And sometimes, you gotta look at your situations and do what you’ve never done in order to get a good result. In order to keep focused on what is important, you gotta let it go. And let God. That is so what I am doing right now.

I promised my son that I would watch a movie with him tonight. I gotta get to the back room to do that. That is another thing…I’m making a commitment to do what I say I’m gonna do. I guess that means I gotta take him bowling tomorrow?

We’ll see:)

November 3, 2009 5:13pm
What an amazing day today....

I was believed and listened to - and acknowledged
I spent time with my son, and loved every minute

I had my first counseling appointment in a long time and didn't cry...I went because I was okay, and wanted to stay that way

I fixed my toilet that has been broken for months!
I worked hard to fix my email issues!
I worked on my project today, and got more hits!
I listened instead of talked
I wrote for the first time in a long time
I felt the amazing feeling of love for my husband
I didn't think about yesterday...or worry about tomorrow
I thought about my limits, and took it slow
I ate good food!
I complimented myself
I supported my girlfriends

I don't know what else today - except that I am exeptionally happy. I never thought I would be here. In this place today. As happy as I am. What is funny is, I don't have extra money...I actually have less. I don't have extra things and stuff.

But I have most certainly gained something. And I will continue to pray that whatever it is, it sticks around. I think it's called, common sense. I think it's called truth. I think it's called taking responsibility. I think it's called love.

I think it's called God.

November 2, 2009 5:38pm
There is so much happening right now, it’s hard to put it all out on a blog.

All I can tell you is it’s all good.

I can not believe the certainty in direction when you are following a plan laid out by God. It’s amazing, unbelievably amazing when you do what seems crazy, because you have faith that there is a reason behind it. And that God is making room for you. The trust and the belief that needs to be firmly and genuinely implanted in your mind in order to believe that…I just don’t know if it’s an epiphany or series of events that makes that happen…I don’t care. Whatever did it, I’m glad it was done.

All I can say is, 10 years ago if someone had told me that I would have a definite possibility to help other women in a large magnitude by sharing my story – I would have said they were crazy.

Someone told me I was damaged goods once. Now I realize that the only thing that was damaged was my ability to think past the thoughts from people who can’t see past their own ridiculous beliefs and theories.

I’ll say this…there were experiences that caused a lot of damage. Most were my fault. Some were not. But – no more.

No more. I’m done. I have truly let go, and LET GOD.

I am grateful. Grateful to God for giving me this opportunity.

“A”, we are on our way girl. We’re on our way:)

October 29, 2009 – 7:37pm
I have always had trouble trusting men. I had so many experiences at such a young age with them being disrespectful and despicable. I think it was ingrained in me at a very early time in my life that men are not to be believed, or held in high regard.

As time went on, I think I felt that well, if I dated the crappy guys, maybe I could change them. Maybe I could make them treat me the way I was supposed to be treated. Maybe if we don’t stay together, they could treat someone else better by the experience they had with me. Maybe I could help him be better.

That didn’t work.

Then, there were the ones who said everything right, who seemed as if they were doing everything right, who made me feel like a million dollars, but something in my mind and heart told me “this isn’t cool. Something is not right.” And I didn’t listen. Especially later on in life. I think I took the notion on that at an older age, when someone knows your experience, the only kind of person who would actually manipulate you into believing a lie they were telling would be if they were a complete monster. And how could someone do that?

Well, they can.

So how do you trust? How do you believe?

You look at the miracles and the truth that sits right in front of you. You look at the truths of your life; of your past; of what you’ve been through, and what you’ve come through.

When tough times hit me – I used to get so angry. I spent a long time crying, a long time feeling empty, a long time feeling quite discouraged and depressed. Over the past 2 years, that has changed substantially. Now, I spend a very short amount of time being pissed off, and after that, my anger converts to action. What do I do now?

Most importantly, my anger really subsides when I understand who is in charge. When I understand that I can trust Him. When I know in my spirit that there is reasoning behind everything. When I know that He has my best interest at heart. When I trust Him, there is no reason to fear, to be sad, to feel incomplete, to feel lied to, betrayed or manipulated. With Him there is only truth, only love, only protection, only safety and absolute and complete….TRUST.

I spent about 6 hours yesterday being angry. I prayed about 2 of those hours, and then when I got up this morning, I worked my ass off to get back on track. I hugged my husband and told him how much I loved him and how everything was going to be okay, and that he had to believe that. He did.

Tonight – I feel great. I feel myself coming back to knowing that it’s all okay. And I thank GOD FOR THAT FEELING. I thank God that I don’t depend so much on people anymore to fulfill things that were missing. I realize completely now that I have the ability to fill it up myself. My husband is there to bring another glass to the table so we both can see our own lives and how full they are, but we can also look at each others lives and see the fullness. It’s not either of our jobs to fill up a glass that is half empty, or half full. It’s our job to uplift and encourage when the other person feels they aren’t capable of filling their cup. But it’s not our job to fill it.

You gotta fill it yourself. And you can not do it without truth, or without God.

God bless

Wednesday, October 28, 2009 - 6:01pm
You know what I tend to laugh at? I tend to laugh at people who feel that they have control over what you do by, what I like to call, side swiping. They plan very strategically to catch you at a time when you least expect it. They get you with news that they consider to be devastating. That they feel will crush you and make you feel worthless. Then, when they talk to you...they can't even look you in the eye.

I laugh and I smile at things like this because situations like this, when they occur, help me to realize how happy I am that I am not this kind of person. Not only that...I've said before that situations like this, when they do happen - you can do a multitude of things. Some things you could do that are unhealthy, and other things you can do to get some meaning out of what took place.

I am choosing to do things that get meaning out of what took place.

I was not spending a lot of time with my family. Now I can.
I wasn't focusing on music as much as I wanted to. Now I can.
I wasn't spending time with my husband as much as I wanted to. Now I can.
I wasn't focusing on God and praying as much as I wanted to. Now I can.
I wasn't spending time saying how grateful I am to be alive - rather than talking about how tired I am. Now I can.
I wasn't taking the time to write more poetry and music. Now I can.
I wasn't spending as much time with my friends as I should have been, especially when they needed me most. Now I can.
I wasn't spending time thinking about those in my life who were most important - and spending way too much time worried about people who in the end, were a huge dissapointment. Now I can.

And now today, as I even write this, I move forward and onward. I look ahead not behind me. I know that God expects for me to lean on Him right now, and that is exactly what I am doing. I am smiling right now...even through the toughness.

I explained to a friend of mine yesterday a story that is common to everybody about a man who is drowning because a flood has hit his home. A boat comes by 3 times with a person telling him to get in the boat, but he says he is waiting on God. When the man dies in the flood he asks God "why didn't You save me?" And God says, "I came 3 times."

I realize that it is hard sometimes to get in the boat, because we don't know who else is in there. We don't know if we can depend on this boat to not sink. We don't know who made this boat. We don't even know where the boat is going. So many people spend their whole lives staying exactly where they are because it's familiar and gives them a feeling of being safe, even when there is nothing but crap happening around them. I just can not, and will not be one of those people.

All I need to know is who is driving. Who is navigating - that's God. The boat will shake, and will go through storms and probably be a harder ride than if you chose to stay where you were. People will try to pull you off and make you swim backward or drown. But it's our job to trust and stay in the boat and stay on course. This boat may not move at an unbelievable pace. But it's important to know that it's moving forward.

And with that comes the understanding that even through storms, there is always blue sky. You just have to wait it out and believe that everything is going to be okay. And believe you me, I know that in the heart of my being. My dad even told me today "I used to worry about what you were going to do when tough times hit...but now I don't worry anymore because I know you'll make it."

Michael Richter, the doctor who died when he was hit by a vehicle unexpectedly never knew that the car was going to hit him that day. This man totally lived his life treating people with respect...never just thinking about himself and the big picture for wherever he worked. He didn't just live to work himself to the bone. He realized the fragility that exists in all of us, and so he made everyday count. He thought of others and tried to understand their experience so that he could better understand how he could make a difference. That is the legacy he left. I wanna be like Mike:) Life's too short not to be.

There is nothing like the embrace of your husband telling you how much he loves you, the genuine smile on the face of your child, and the feeling of knowing that peace is yours and that you own it - as long as God is the center of all, and guides you:) So..I'm pretty thankful:) God bless!

Sunday October 25, 2009 - 2:23am
I am just getting home from my gig with Streetlife at Kikos. Packed house, kept them rockin' all night long...awesome gig with Streetlife.

For a small moment tonight, I became distracted. But it was a small moment, and I did the right things to kill the distraction. Totally did the right things to kill the distraction. And I did. Totally, totally did.

Now, I am home taking care of my little guy who still can't seem to shake this illness that he has. Fever again, and medication, again. But I'm glad that I'm able to take care of him because I am coherent and have it together so that I can:)

I'm really tired! Have a great rest of the weekend everyone:)

Friday, October 23, 2009 - 11:07pm
Today, my son was sick...so I stayed home with him. The night before, he was really wanting me to be up in his corner, because he was scared and not feeling well. I was all over it. It's amazing this instinct that develops when you become a mom. You just know when something isn't right, even when everybody is telling you that it's fine. You just know. I think that is what makes kids really depend on mom's for so much, because without any type of training really, they just develop these skills to be able to "tell" without being "told". It's amazing.

Things have been strange over the past few days. My uncle died this week and that has been a little hard. I've been talking with my mom, and trying to work through things with her. That has been going really, really well. My mind has been on so much stuff over the past few days. But one really amazing thing happened that helped me really think about what kind of person I truly am.

The middle diamond of my wedding ring fell out. I knew that the diamond was loose for a long time, and I made a couple of appointments to have it fixed, but I just didn't have time to drop it off to get fixed. I had so much stuff going on and have been so tired doing things...it just got lost in the shuffle. I talked with Zoy about it, and basically we came to the conclusion that if the diamond is gone, it's gone. The ring can't be replaced.

I was initially pretty upset at this notion and I started to cry. So, I went to bed and had a really hard time sleeping because my mind was on it so much. Then my son got up in the middle of the night asking me to sleep with him because he was scared, and he did have a fever. So I laid down with him. My mind totally went off of the ring, and onto caring for him.

I was up really early, and really sat down and thought about this ring situation and I realized that the reason why I was upset was because this ring represented the beginning of my life with Zoy. So the prospect of not having it anymore...what did that represent? But then I realized how much all of us put into "stuff". We put so much into stuff, that when the stuff is gone, we feel empty. And here, my marriage is intact, my son is taken care of, my mind, my spirit and my connection with God is there. But I'm crying over a ring. What about if the things I mentioned weren't there? How much would the ring really matter? If all I had in life was that ring...boy, then I'd be pretty empty.

When Zoy got home, I told him how much I loved him and that I didn't care about the ring. I told him that if we replace it at some point, that is fine. But what I did do was go out myself and find a replacement ring that was 65% off. Pretty expensive ring, but I got it for a steal and I love it. And quite frankly, if Zoy replaced it with a ring from a bubble gum machine, I'd take it.

After I said that, Zoy hugged me and told me that he loved me. And I hugged and kissed him right back.

Now if I didn't have that...that is when I should really start crying.

The cool thing about this is that I really understood that I have never been a material person. I have never been about money. I have never been about things. I have never been about how much someone has given me monetarily. Ever.

So, I'm learning everyday about so much. And I don't think the learning ever ends. I don't think the teaching ever ends. The mothering never ends. The love never ends. And I thank God for all of it...the tears and all. I thank Him:)

Sleep well everybody:)

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 - 5:46pm
Busy, busy, busy. That is pretty much all I can say.

There is so much goin' on right now...musically, personally, spiritually. I feel very connected, which is a wonderful thing. Periodically my mind spins with "what ifs" and "whys", but they do not last long. As soon as I get a phone call that God meant for me to have at that time, or as soon as my son asks me "Hey mommy, I need help with my homework..." it takes a little time to get motivated to stop it! But I do stop it, and my attention is diverted back to where it was supposed to have been in the first place.

I'm not embarassed anymore. I share my life and my story with people. As many people as I can. Honestly, and totally share it. I answer questions, and offer help if I can give it. Sometimes...I even ask for help.

My tears are few. And if they do show up, 10 out of 10 times, it's because I'm so happy and that is the truth. I have had the least amount of depressing days than ever. I don't have time to feel negative, or experience negative.

I am having so much fun singing in Streetlife. The guys in the band...I love. I really, really love. They are funny, and protective, and my friends. As real as real can get, and when it's time to start playing, they play. And I mean, they play.

My job is awesome. My co-workers rock...the fact that it's only 15 minutes from my house away from rush hour traffic is really, very COOL!

My son is doing great in school. A few challenges here and there, but for the most part, he is learning a lot. He and I went to Great America last weekend with our season passes, and had an absolute blast. Daredevil like is mom. Scared to watch him do it, like a mom should be:)

My husband is working hard on the business, and doing very well at his job. It's a wonderful thing when you watch the one you love taking a chance, and doing what they love to do. What a shame it would have been if he had never tried to book bands...even though he had never done it before. Who ever put a rule out there that says you can't if you never have? You can....he is proof of that. That part is completely a part of marriage. I think too many times, married people feel that it's their duty to restrict the one they love from doing more than what they are already doing. I mean just because someone was trained to be an electrician, doesn't mean that they can't write music or play an instrument. They can...and if it's a passion, quite frankly, they should, and it's our job as spouses to help them believe that it's possible because...IT IS.

I gotta get goin'. Busy night. Gotta learn a tune, and relax with my little guy. God bless:)

Tuesday, October 20th - 2009 - 11:52pm
I am just getting back from Chick Singer Night, and it was awesome. I sang some great tunes, and got to see some awesome friends. It was really, really cool.

One of the coolest things about this gig tonight, was that for a good amount of time, I was really focused on my friends. I saw SO many people who I had not seen in such a long time. People who really mean the world to me. People who were honest with me when things were not working. People who were there:) And quite frankly, people who understand. I realize how much patience has grown in me, in spending more time with people who have had patience with me.

It's been quite the weekend, and quite the few days as well. The weather has just been perfect. Walking outside at night when there is just a little smoke coming out with each breath...reminds you that winter is right around the corner, but that there is a beautiful crisp in the air that is making things more clear. I have had such a wonderful time hanging out with my son last weekend, and the time that I am spending with Zoy is wonderful. Just talking to him and having him listen to me (not easy to do sometimes!). No fighting, more understanding, more communication, and a lot more laughter! You know...my marriage is the best it has ever been, and I am so looking forward to where it is going to go. I can't wait to go to New York with Zoy.

Then every once in a while, you turn a corner, and run smack dab into a "hater". Someone who puts you down, tells you you're crazy, makes you believe that things are not as they seem, tries to judge you and make you feel as if you will never recover from ailments that once ached you. But...the beauty in growth, experience and knowledge is in knowing that a hater is someone who you have complete control over letting them in, or keeping them out. Non productive, totally ignorant, self centered, one sided, judgemental, non empathetic and unable to or more than that, unwilling to find out the realness of you. Totally unattractive, inside and out - completely out of touch with reality, fake, transparent and manipulative. Sound like someone you want in your life? I think I'll keep them out. Some "Hater Raid Spray" should do the trick. There...I just put some in my brain.

Well, I better hit the sack. It is now MIDNIGHT! I have to say, it felt good walking into Carolines and being 22 pounds lighter. I feel so much better about so many things right now...about my job, about my friends, about my family, about my choices, about my beliefs, about my abilities, about my mothering, about my home...about me. No way I could have felt that way without God. No way. And I for one am happy that because of Him, I have been given a pathway to peace, forgiveness and happiness.

2 gigs this weekend with Streetlife...we've been off for a couple of weeks. I better get some SLEEP!

Wednesday, October 7 - 2009 - 5:14pm
I guess today, I have a few things to say
A few things to get out on the table
While I'm still willing and able

A few things to share
To make you aware
That I'm no longer scared

And if you don't like me
I don't care

If you think I'm too bold
I don't care

If you think I'm too, crass and cold
I don't care

If you think that I can't sing
I don't care

If you think that I've had flings
I don't care

If you think that I carry hate
I don't care

If you believe that for me, it's too late
I don't care

If you want to stand behind my face
I don't care

And talk to others about your distaste - with me
I don't care

I don't have to hang with you
Or talk to you, or be on a love train with you
I won't invite you to parties and hangouts
Or say hello, when I know that you don't want to hear
That from me

But I won't turn my back
When you need a friend
No matter what you do to me
I'll be there, no pretend

Because Christ did the same for me
When I turned my back on Him
And for me to do it to somebody else
Well, doesn't really make me a Christian

But while you are away from me
And keep your distance clear
You stay in your world of negativity
And I'm gonna be right here

Cause in the end, I know the ones
Who plan to be right there

So...in between, if you're not around
Quite frankly, I do not care

Sunday, September 13 - 2009 - 10:09pm
It has been way too long since I’ve written a blog on this website. I have purposely not done that for various reasons. The most important of those reasons being that I wanted to make sure whatever I said on this website came from my heart, and was the truth. Not just some washed up story about God, and life, and everything that flows, and is right.

I have learned a hell of a lot over the past year. A lot. I’ve opened myself to an understanding about me and the people around me. I’ve gained a lot more patience for things that truly require it, I’ve managed to maintain a level of tolerance for things that once seemed intolerable, and I’ve learned to “let it go” when it seems that people need their space. I don’t take things as personally as I used to, and I don’t spend as much time trying to change minds into believing all of the good about me, that I believe about myself. My friends are real. My family is real. The honesty is up front and true, and I’m all about moving forward, staying on focus and fixing things.

I totally get so much now about trust. So much about trusting God. A prime example is that, when I decided to quit smoking and drinking, I can tell you from the depths of my soul that I was able to complete that task, because I claimed total victory over it. I felt that God was asking me on August 5th, 2004 to give it to Him, so that I wouldn’t have to carry the burden anymore. And that is probably the only time in my life where I have fully done that. I know that it’s the only time, because there are still things that I periodically deal with that I thought I’d given to Him. But logically, if I had given those things to Him, then I wouldn’t be periodically dealing with them. This understanding has allowed me the opportunity to not think so much about trying to stay sober. I don’t have to. But it allows me now the time to deal with the other stuff that the liquor and the cigarettes were clouding. I’m starting to come to some primal moments of taking situations that are difficult for me to manage on my own, and I’m learning how to give those things to God.

I guess, I don’t know really know what to say about my son and my husband. Not because I have anything bad to say. But because the feelings of joy for having them both in my life are so overwhelming that it’s hard to explain. If someone asked me to describe what this kind of love feels like, I would say imagine the happiest place on earth where you could be. Where it would be the most peaceful. Where nothing ever seems like it can go wrong. Where there is trouble, and turmoil but somehow, you just believe that it will all get better. A place where you don’t have to put on a mask, and be someone who you’re not. You don’t have to hide your indiscretions for fear of being noticed. A place where your tears are welcome, and your stories are listened to. A place where there is a lot of laughter, a lot of communication and a lot of music. Only your favorite songs that remind you of every good moment in your life. That is what I feel like when I am with my son and my husband.

I have some people who believe things about me and about my past. There are stories that float around about experiences I’ve had, and things that I’ve done. Some of those are true. Some aren’t. There are some who don’t like me for various reasons, and no matter how many experiences they have with me, their truth is the truth that they want to believe. There are some that know me so well, that it makes me mad. I’ve learned which of those people to listen to, and which comments and thoughts are a complete waste of time for me to spend any moment of my life pondering.

The most unbelievable gift that I have been given in this past year far surpasses any awesome gig, or any amount of money. It far surpasses any amazing expensive gift that could be bestowed upon me, or any time of status identification that would put me in high places. The biggest gift that I have been given this year is the understanding that the quantity of people in my life means nothing, if 90% of them have no quality and no place for you to feel safe. The biggest gift I have been this year is a reconnection with my friends, a better understanding and resolve with my family, a total and complete commitment to my husband and my son, and the ability to take all of these gifts and share them musically with everyone who comes out to see a show. What is this gift called?

It’s called Life. And it’s wonderful. I’m here to help if anyone of you ever need it, I am here to share my story if any of you need to hear it, I am here to listen and not judge, and I am here to witness the power of letting go – and letting God. If you think you’ll hear a story of how I was broken, and made perfect again – that won’t happen. But I will share with you that in every dark corner of the world, there is light that exists somewhere. Sometimes, you just have to get off of your ass and find it. Quite amazingly, no matter how dark and dirty the corner, it is possible for your light to shine brighter than ever before, and for your dust to be lifted in ways that you never thought possible.

Thanks to everyone for your continued support! And I look forward to seeing you at the next Streetlife or Midnight Groove gig!

God bless,
Rhonda

Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon

Today…

I feel beautiful
I am 16 pounds lighter
Than I was 2 months ago
Music is the best
It’s ever been

Today…

I appreciate life much more
I adore today
More than yesterday
I care about how my actions
How my words
How my honesty
And dishonesty
Affects others

Today…

I love my husband
More than the day before
I love my son
And I anticipate loving them both even more
Tomorrow

My friendships have more meaning
And are based on sincere truth
So that there is triumph on both sides
When success is achieved

Today…

I am honest with myself
About where I’ve been
So I can be clear
On where I’m going

Today…

I take responsibility for my mistakes
Because only I know why they were made
And with that comes the knowledge
Of how not to make them again

Today…

I am happy
I am whole
I am thankful
I am grateful
I am blessed
I am at peace
And I am loved
And love right back

I am singing
And follow a path
Etched out by Him
I love myself

I forgive myself

And pray that you find peace and love

Today…

CLICK HERE TO READ THE LATEST ARTICLE ON RHONDA BEGOS POSTED IN THE MILWAUKEE JOURNAL ON APRIL 8, 2009!

Rhonda Begos has been a musician officially for over 26 years. But she would tell you that she believes it started on February 8, 1969 – the day she was born.

Rhonda grew up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on the central west side of the city. From a very early age, as early as 5 years old, Rhonda knew she wanted to sing. She would sit in her room and practice Queen songs when the voice of Freddie Mercury dominated the air waves. As time went on, Sheena Easton, Barbara Streisand, Olivia Newton John, Patti LaBelle and multitude of other vocalists took over the tiny record player that Rhonda’s dad bought for her 10th birthday. She knew that this was something she was destined to do.

In 4th grade at 68th street school, Rhonda finally conjured up the courage to offer a singing performance for Show & Tell. She got up in front of the classroom, and almost fainted, but then turned toward the blackboard and sang “You Light Up My Life” from Debbie Boone. When Rhonda was done singing, her teacher turned to her and said “You have a gift. Don’t let anyone take that gift away from you.”

It was at this point, after hearing the applause and the positive reinforcement that Rhonda knew performing was her forte.

Between 6th and 9th grade, Rhonda auditioned for and entered various talent contests around the city of Milwaukee, and made every one. She entered a park talent contest at the age of 14 and after winning 1st place, she auditioned to sing for Mayer Maier’s talent show at Summerfest. She won that opportunity and in the summer of 1983, Rhonda had her first gig singing on the Pabst Stage at Summerfest with Mayer Maier.

After relocating to Stillwater, Minnesota in 10th grade, Rhonda immediately joined any and all music related groups at Stillwater High School. In 10th grade, it was the Girls Choir. In 11th and 12th grade, it was the Concert Choir, along with an extension of concert choir called the Vagabonds, and an extension of the Vagabonds, called the Stillwater High School Octet. Through this experience, Rhonda had the opportunity to travel with her choir and, who won two of the biggest choir competitions in the world. One in Kansas City, Missouri in 1986, and one in Quebec, Canada in 1987, the year that Rhonda graduated from High School. In Canada, Rhonda was asked to sing a couple of songs in front of her choir, as well as the other competing concert choirs at the award’s ceremony on the final night of the stay. At the end of her Senior Year in 1987, Rhonda sang two solos at the annual Pop Concert event at Stillwter High School. She sang “Memories” from the musical “Cats” and received a thunderous round of applause, followed by a standing ovation that lasted for more than 2 minutes. In 10th grade, it was a field trip to her first Opera at the famous Ordway Theater in St. Paul, Minnesota offered to the Girls Choir that forever changed Rhonda’s interpretive skills in learning to connect with an audience through song. Even though her mind was young and the opera was in Italian (it was titled “Casanova”), she understood the meaning and knew that a good voice is not only conditioned to sing. The spirit and mind is also conditioned to convey a message and communicate with various walks of life.

After graduating High School in 1987, Rhonda was accepted into the prestigious Berklee College of Music. Soon after arriving in Boston, Massachusettes, Rhonda was immediately introduced to a whole new world of learning and a whole new world of music. Rhonda’s 3 years in Boston opened a lot of doors to the musical community. When Rhonda started Berklee in 1988, she attended college with, saxophonist Antonio Hart, Trumpeter Roy Hargrove, Vocalist, Grammy nominated and daughter of Donny Hathaway - Lalah Hathaway, Blues Vocalist and Grammy nominated Susan Tedeschi, Trombonist Delfeayo Marsalis, Vocalist, Song Writer, Grammy nominated and Grammy winner Paula Cole, and a multitude of many other amazingly talented artists. Rhonda was also selected during her first semester to sing for the annual Convocation concert that is held for all students who are entering Berklee for their first year. While attending Berklee College of Music, Rhonda worked at Symphony Hall as an usher and gained a new love for classical music. She also had the extreme pleasure of meeting with, seeing, and performing with some of the following incredible musicians: Betty Carter, Dizzy Gillespie, Joe Williams, Tito Puente, Shirley Caesar, Sarah Vaughn (she still has her ticket from her last concert before she passed away), Wynton, Delfeayo and Branford Marsalis, Opera singer, Kathleen Battle and Bobby McFerrin. In the Summer of 1989, Rhonda auditioned for and performed at Opryland USA in Nashville, Tennessee. Through that experience, Rhonda again met some amazing talents who have gone very far with their professions – Kim Hawthorne, current motion picture and television actress, who is a regular on CSI Miami and who also appeared alongside Morgan Freeman in the movie “Along Came a Spider” – Destin Owens, an actor who had the pleasure of playing the character “Collins” in the musical “Rent” during its last run in New York City, New York, and…Derrick Townsend, who is an amazing singer, actor and dancer currently on tour with several cruise ships around the world.

Rhonda moved back to Milwaukee, Wisconsin in the fall of 1991 and shortly thereafter, became involved in a multitude of musical projects, including singing the National Anthem for various professional sporting teams – The Milwaukee Brewers, The Milwaukee Bucks, the Milwaukee Admirals, The Milwaukee Wave, The Milwaukee Mustangs and various other sporting teams. Rhonda also has performed the National Anthem at Fenway Park, The HHH Metrodome in Minneapolis/St.Paul, Minnesota and at Milwaukee County Stadium when it was still around. She joined the Eddie Butts Band in 1993, and met a multitude of other local and national performers through her 2 years with Eddie Butts. Since 1993, Rhonda has had the pleasure of:

Opening for Santana
Opening for Kenny Loggins
Opening for the Los Lonely Boys
Opening for the Gin Blossoms
Opening for Susan Tedeschi
Singing Backup with Gene Pitney
Singing Backup with Susan Tedeschi on the Conan O’Brien Show
Performing with the Executive Band for Summerfest
Performing with Daryl Stuermer
Singing “God Bless America” for a playoff game for the Milwaukee Brewers
Meeting Buddy Guy, and performing with…

Cold Sweat, Streetlife, Diamond, Dynasty, Crystal, Mike Walters, Hidden Agenda, Body Language, Peter Neumar, EROCK, Chick Singer Night, Houndstooth, Hot Sauce, The Peter Flemming Orchestra, The Bystandards, Christopher’s Project…and a multitude of other bands in and around the Milwaukee and Chicago areas.

Rhonda currently owns a booking agency with her husband Zoy called ZandR Entertainment, LLC and is currently a member of the Official Band of theMilwaukee Bucks, Streetlife. Rhonda and Zoy have a 7 year old son, Keaton who is now taking drum lessons and loving every minute. In August of 2009, Rhonda will celebrate 5 years of no smoking and no drinking and in July of this year, she will be celebrating a new commitment to doing the right things in life…being honest, being a good friend, being a good mother to her son and an awesome wife and friend to her husband, being up front, being open, being closer to God and doing everything with the intention of changing lives for the better, making a connection with people where a connection once did not exist, and living for the purpose of creating peace, resolution and self reliance.

Rhonda, throughout the various stories of her musical journeys, has come to learn some valuable lessons in life through mentors, many friends, through family members, from children, from fans and from other musicians. One lesson that has remained with Rhonda, but was not understood until recently is this:

“What you do in your life good or bad, shows itself and is magnified as you move on. When you cheat other people, you will be cheated in your own life 10 fold. When you hurt others, you will be hurt more. When you lie and are dishonest in your life, the truth always finds it way to the right people…and more than this, you will be lied to and never find a place of being able to trust yourself or anyone else. When you judge, you will be judged.

"On the other hand, when you do good…when you listen to someone when no one else will; When you don’t judge and make your own determinations based on your own experience; When you help someone that others won’t help; When you say I am sorry for wrongs that you have done; When you forgive others for what they’ve done…this comes back to you as well. All of us need to forgive, just as we all need to be forgiven. All of us have lied, just as we all have been lied to. All of us have made bad decisions that have affected others, just as others have made bad decisions that have affected us. By making a commitment to do the right thing…to share your gifts for the purpose of helping others…to always make decisions thinking not only of yourself, but everyone around you, it comes back. It may not be in monetary value. It may not be by getting the gift you’ve always wanted, but it will be that you’ve passed on what you have learned to others so that they can contribute to making their children, and other lives of those with whom they share their lessons, more peaceful, more fulfilled, more positive, more connected and more productive.

"I am unbelievably happy to be able to share this moment in my life with everyone around me through words, music and friendship. I am thoroughly blessed to be surrounded by loving, caring people who hold up the mirror for me, so that I can see the real truth. I am very, very happy to have God in my life, to have my wonderful son, and to be blessed with a wonderful husband. We don’t make a million dollars a year, and can’t afford to do a lot of things that other families may get to do. But everything I have is an appreciation that is so overwhelming that it is hard to express. My love for life is priceless, and I didn’t need a million dollars to get it.

Zoy - I love you

FOREVER
I wake to see your face and I’m again
Enamored by your warm embrace, yeah

I turn to you and see your smile I’m captivated
By your lovin’ arms, yeah

And I just don’t know what to do
Because I’m so in love with you
I never thought you’d see this through
I’ve hurt you so much, this is true

And baby, when you look at me
You see right past insanity
Lookin’ in my eyes you see
The real in you, the real in me

I’m happy I’m your great endeavor
And I guess I’m gonna be with you forever
I’m gonna stay forever in your love

The afternoon bring such joy when we’re alone
And we are talkin’ fun, yeah

I love it when you speak to me, about your love of
Music and of love, yeah

And baby when I start to cry
You pull me close and hold me tight
You tell me it will be alright
And suddenly, I’m fine inside

And though I told you everything
Still you offered me your ring
And told me that you’d be my king
And rescue me and make me sing

I’m happy I’m your great endeavor
And I guess I’m gonna be with you forever
I’m gonna stay forever in your love

And now I guess I wanna say
That this time baby, I will stay
I’ll never leave, or go away
I want you now and past today

And I’ve been hurt so much inside
The thieves, they came and took my pride
You didn’t even have to try
You gave it back to me, oh my

I’m looking to the future and I see the gray hair
Wrinkles and the winter

I thought I’d be all by myself and drinking bottles of gin
Upon my shelf yeah

But now I know I’m not alone
Cause in your life, I feel at home
And I know that I have truly grown
You’ve watered me, the pain is gone

And baby, when you look at me
You see right past insanity
Lookin’ in my eyes you see
The real in you, the real in me

I’m happy I’m your great endeavor
And I guess I’m gonna be with you forever
I’m gonna stay forever in your love