NIMROD AT NIGHT - THE MUSTELA INTERVIEW
As Transcribed by Bill Wright and Diane Harrell
Nimrod got the chance recently to sit down with Mustela, ferret girl star of the addictive webcomic "World Two" and got to ferret out her innermost ferret secrets.
NIMROD: Mustela, nice to see you again.
MUSTELA: It’s nice to see you too, Nimrod!
NIMROD: So how's life treating you in "World Two"?
MUSTELA: Great, great! Of course there’s always Palina’s constant complaining, but nothing a little shin kick can’t fix.
NIMROD: Doesn't sound like Palina is much of a pal of yours. Why do you think your catfights with her are so crowd-pleasing?
MUSTELA: It's kind of like water, it quenches your thirst, right?
NIMROD: I'll say! I get all hot and sweaty just watching! Maybe you should make those catfights a pay-per-view event... and slug it out in a pit of Jello!
MUSTELA: Jello!? I think it should be a pit of baby oil instead. That would fix the problem.
NIMROD: So if you're living in World Two, where's World One?
MUSTELA: World Two? What!? I thought I WAS in World One!
NIMROD: And from what I can tell, most people in World Two are either a rabbit or a ferret like you, right?
MUSTELA: Well, there’s cats and dogs too, every now and then a skunk or a chicken will come along, but you know about those chickens…. YUM!
NIMROD: Tell me about it! Mmmmm, chicken! SLURP! Now you've got me drooling all over my microphone! Thanks a lot, Mustela!
MUSTELA: Sorry, Nimrod.
NIMROD: For a cartoon weasel, you've really got it going on. How'd you get to be so weaselicious?
MUSTELA: It’s a strategic placement of fat cells. My mom gave it to me, really, and the fried chicken helps keep them healthy.
NIMROD: So what's a normal day in the life of Mustela?
MUSTELA: (YAWN) Well, lots of sleep, eat, and that slim to none possibility that I’d be going to work that day. If that slim to none becomes none, then the whiskey bottle comes out and my day begins…err…or ends.
NIMROD: Now I heard you made your animated debut on the internet as a jewel thief.
MUSTELA: Yeah, little cash on the side. Austin, Texas had quite a few opportunities for extras work at the time and I got cast for the silly little jewel thief part. But, money is money.
NIMROD: Now about your boyfriend. Do you call him "Hobby" because he's just a casual pasttime?
MUSTELA: (Laughs) Good one, Nimrod.
NIMROD: No offense, but is Hobby nuts?! He doesn't seem to appreciate you the way he should.
MUSTELA: You’re RIGHT! I appreciate him and his money the way I should! So he should do the same for me…with the exclusion of my money, because I don’t have any.
NIMROD: Just how dumb a bunny is Gretchen?
MUSTELA: (LAUGHS) We may have to find some standardized test scores to answer this one.
NIMROD: Well, she's got my undivided attention... for two good reasons.
MUSTELA: Must be her loud mouth and all that hot pink hair! It’s so bright the sun gets jealous!
NIMROD: It seems there's a young cartoonist in Texas who's quite obsessed with your exploits, a Miss Diane Harrell. You seem to have a lot in common with her. Is it just a coincidence that you're both so alike?
MUSTELA: Diane Harrell! What is she a stalker? Gosh, well I’m flattered she’s taken an interest in a girl such as I! As long as she keeps her distance, we’ll be cool.
NIMROD: What developments might we expect in upcoming Mustela cartoons?
MUSTELA: Who knows! Life is a box of chocolates. The only thing is I usually end up with the most undesirable filling.