Valerya Baker

Who I'd like to meet:

Even I don't remember where all these came from, but if you know at least half of them, you're worth talking to.


"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb."

"Peace is our Profession"

"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is."

"I am not full of virtues and noble qualities. I love. That is all. But I love strongly, exclusively and steadfastly."

"There is a leopard on your roof and it's my leopard and I have to get it and to get it I have to sing."

"I make more money than Calvin Coolidge. Put together!"

"I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner."

"You're nothing but a freak of life! And, a freak of death!"

"Birds: Live in the sky, die in a window."

"The other victims, they had their frying pans...violated."

"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

"I am a deeply superficial person."

"But for the sake of some little mouthful of flesh we deprive a soul of the sun and light, and of that proportion of life and time it had been born into the world to enjoy."

"Semper Fildelis Tyrannosaurus!"

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

"Popularity breeds contempt."

"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only, truth."

"I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, 'Shenanigans.'"

"Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays."

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"

"Hm. I have to go throw up now all of a sudden."

"Love is fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."

"Women's Lib? Poor little things. They always look so unhappy. Have you noticed how bitter their faces are?"

"All right, I'm young, I'm beautiful - but you don't have to hate me."

"I said I wouldn't whilst I wasn't which implies no promise once I am."

"Do you know how many birthdays there are every year? Hundreds. Literally hundreds."

"Play your own game, be your own man, and don't ask anybody for a stamp of approval."

"Well I read Dracula in a book but that doesn't mean I believe in Transylvania!"

"Boma's discomfort index is at 68%!"

"I'm gonna go out in the hall and throw up about something else..."

"What's an Aluminum Falcon?"

"For as long as I can remember people have hated me. They looked at my face and my body and they ran away in horror. In my loneliness I decided that if I could not inspire love, which is my deepest hope, I would instead cause fear. I live because this poor half-crazed genius, has given me life. He alone held an image of me as something beautiful and then, when it would have been easy enough to stay out of danger, he used his own body as a guinea pig to give me a calmer brain and a somewhat more sophisticated way of expressing myself."

"Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her so... much... it... it... the... it... the... fee... flames... flames... on the side of my face... heaving... breathless... heaving breaths..."

"I don't think I would be an actor if I was all that intelligent."

"And that's not an easy task, being in bed with a sheep, especially if you make the sheep nervous. I'm not going to go on, if you know what I'm talking about."

"Everbody has moments of introverted silence, but most people have the good sense to get drunk an get through them."

"You want shock?! I'll shock you full of shock!!"

"Without you, I can't...do my buttons..."

"A woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. That's what's it's all about, all right. But talkin' about it and bein' it, that's two different things. I mean, it's real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don't ever tell anybody that they're not free, 'cause then they're gonna get real busy killin' and maimin' to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they're gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em."

"But I tried, didn't I? Goddamnit, at least I did that."

"Was Patty Hearst crazy when she kidnapped the Lindbergh twins?!"

"Hey guys. Oh, big gulps huh? All right! Well, see ya later."

"I woke up with a clown's hands in my pants. That's what I did today."

"Hey baby, want to take a gander at some Adam West penis?"

"Hey Copernicus, why don't you navigate to the back of the line with your feet and stand there with your shirt?"

"I do not care for people who look like things that aren't people."

"Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday."