Some say that Noah Gokey just kind of rode up one day on a raft on the Chadakoin River, and it was all afire with smoke and cinders raging to the heavens! Well I can tell you that this is an exagerration. Lake Erie once caught fire because of all the garbage floatin' around in it, the Chadakoin only pulses, ebbs and flows, sticky like oil. You don't want to swim in that. No, don't get me wrong. It's true that Noah rode up on a raft all the way from the Gulf of Mexico with some business friends, that much is true. You can go from the Gulf of Mexico to the Chadakoin by way of the Mississippi, Ohio, and Allegheny Rivers. But the mystical powers of these distant waters only haunted Noah...little is known of his youth other than that. Noah only says that he is a little alien baby, an alien. The first Alien born in the United States. We only know what happened after he come up the river, but he wasn't afire. No, Noah came up starving and half dead from the River Exhaustion. Crawling into the forest on all fours, he called out to its masters for sympathy and sanctuary. The wild animals mercifully nursed him back to health. I found him on a hunting trip, nearly shot the old fool. He bounded out at me like a jackrabbit! But he remembered he was human (or he would say at least he is posing as a human), and he longed to return to civilization to make some friggin rock. Noah didn't come like the Phoenix, not like they say. At least not yet.