Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"
Stand-Up / Alternative / Comedic Writers
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Add me and improve your life. Guaranteed.
Male
101 years old
CAPE CORAL, FL
United States
Last Login: 11/27/2009
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Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"'s Comedian Bio
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| Bio | I worked hard and got an accounting degree from one of the finest accountancy programs in the country. Now, all my friends who never even got bachelor’s degrees make way more money than I do. Plus, I’m not an accountant.
You’ll forgive me if I’m not exactly a big proponent of college education right now. Also, I’m a big fan (and season ticket holder) of this team: 
I’m also a huge fan (and alumnus) of this team: 
While I'm not the biggest baseball fan, how can you not fall in love with the play of my local team?  | | Influences | This is going to be a long list. Does anyone ever actually read this shit? Anyway, one of my biggest influences isn’t even a stand-up comic. He’s the humor writer Dave Barry. No one has made me laugh harder and more frequently than him.
However, the comedians that most influenced me are, in no particular order: Eddie Murphy, Richard Jeni, Louis CK, Jim Gaffigan, Greg Fitzsimmons, Todd Barry, Gregg Rogell, Bill Burr, Lewis Black, Dane Cook, Steve Byrne, Ben Bailey, John Heffron, Alonzo Bodden, Vince Morris, Larry Miller, Tom Rhodes, Tom Shillue, Tom Papa, Daniel Tosh, and probably a boatload of others I’m forgetting. | | TV Shows | There was that time I was on the local news, but let's not talk about that. | | Films | I've had a thick film of dust appearing on all my furniture for years now. |
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Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"'s Interests
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| General | I'm mostly interested in not having any annoying interests. | | Music | Man, I LOVE music! Like, I love that one song, you know, the one that goes duh-duh-duh BOOM duh-duh-duh. It is SO COOL. You know the one.
Also, country music licks my sack. | | Television | Cheers is fantastic. So is Seinfeld. And Friends. Those are great great shows. Except that they no longer exist. And that everything else on TV is complete and utter crap. Unless, of course, *I* ever get on TV. Then that show automatically deserves an Emmy. | | Books | Is this where I'm supposed to write that I've read and really like some shitty old classic so I can pretend that I'm cultured and educated? Because, to be honest, I think I'm very intelligent, but I don't think I need to trudge through "The Catcher in the Rye" to prove that.
The truth is, I LOVE reading two authors: Michael Crichton for his amazing science fiction, and Dave Barry for his amazing humor.
So stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it. |
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Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"'s Details
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| Status: | Single | | Here for: | Networking, Friends | | Orientation: | Straight | | Hometown: | Cape Coral, FL | | Body type: | 5' 10" / Athletic | | Religion: | Agnostic | | Zodiac Sign: | Aquarius | | Smoke / Drink: | No / Yes | | Education: | College graduate | | Occupation: | Professional Scratcher |
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Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"'s Companies
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Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, Inc.
Fort Myers, FL US
Hit Man; Death Dealer; Birthday Party Organizer
Problem Solving/Southeast Division
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1/1/92-12/31/07
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| Clips: 1 |
Total Plays: 1372 |
Plays Today: 0 |
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Run Time:
414
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Plays:
1372
Comments:
28
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Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"'s Latest Blog Entry
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Would you Like a Side of Sucralose With That?
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I'll Take the Bland Chicken with a Side of Embarrassment, Please (REPLIES)
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When Grand Theft Auto is not a Game (REPLIES)
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Sucking at Something Brand New!
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Laughter and Tears (UPDATED w/ Replies)
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Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe"'s Blurbs |
About me:
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I’m Joseph Simmons, and I’m amazing.
Okay, let’s just say that I’m working towards being amazing. Right now, I’m an up-and-coming comedian from Florida who’s still getting his “feet wet” in the business. However, during my short time in the comedy world, I’ve performed to strong reviews* whenever I’ve been onstage.
*Example of strong review: “I strongly think you suck”.
I’m working hard to make 2009 the Big Year for my comedy career. And by “working hard” I mean “procrastinating as much as humanly possible”. I generally put off writing until the day of a show. My practicing is usually done on the car ride to the club. If you’re ever in traffic in Southwest Florida and you see a Honda S2000 being driven by a half-Asian who’s holding an imaginary microphone in one hand, notes in another, and in no way is paying any attention to the actual road, well, please follow him because either:
1. You’ll see a terrific comedy show, or
2. Somebody will need to call 911.
..Joseph C. Simmons
Create Your Badge..
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Who I'd like to meet:
Anyone who can get me off of my dead ass and actually make me get all of my material written, developed, and performed. And Keira Knightley.
Oh, and by the way, I don't mind when anyone posts promotional stuff in my comments section, even including videos. But I DO have one rule: Any streaming multimedia (video or audio) That starts on its own as soon as my profile page is loaded will be automatically deleted.
To put it simply, if you post a video in my comment section, a viewer should be required to press the "play" button for it to start. If it starts on its own, it will be immediately removed.
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Joseph Simmons aka "Slow Joe" has 1004 friends.
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