Mark

About me:

I don’t always do the right thing. I don’t always say the right thing either. Ive never been very good with words, but when I write them or sing them, they seem to make much more sense. Ive been accused of being a very deep person, but some people confuse inner depth with inner sadness. Some people say that everyone deserves a second chance but that never seems to happen to me. I used to trust my own feelings but I don’t anymore. I’d like my world to be a happy one, but someone once told me that “life is mostly sadness with only moments of happiness”. They were right. I can make someone laugh when they feel nothing but sadness, an ability that often left them in awe so they say. I was always told that i was the life and soul of the party, but life has changed along with my soul. I would do anything in the world to avoid hurting someone. I once screwed my leg up playing football with 9 year olds. I never follow the crowd. I don’t really give 2 shits about politics because all politicians are professional liars. I like cake. Cheesecake. Do you ever look up at the stars at night just because its beautiful? I do. I love to travel but I wish it wasn’t so expensive. Ive been told that id make a great dad and that my kids would be lucky to have me. I was once the only witness to a 19-year-old student being hit by a car at high speed and killed. It screwed me up for months

Everything ive ever loved, ive lost. I was lied to all my life by the people I loved and trusted the most. I relate to music more than anything else. I can’t listen to country music; it makes me want to vomit blood. Old ladies with beards are cool. Young ladies with moustaches are cooler. people always use me. They do their damage and then walk away. Maybe im a doormat and maybe i deserve it. I wear my heart on my sleeve which makes it an easy target for your knives. Ive lived on the street and it wasn’t fun. I’m sometimes quite vulnerable. Ive always got a smile on my face even when i’m quietly dying inside. I hide behind laughter but secretly i’m broken. I once had a soul but i’m not sure where it is now. The first person I loved died in my arms. There isn’t a single day that goes by where I don’t think about her. I have Crohns disease and its no fun. Surgery for Crohns is even less fun. Don’t get me started on the medication. I trust people far to easily. I used to believe in true love not so long ago. Someone once told me I was so romantic, but I think that side of me is gone now. Dreams don’t come true but nightmares often do. I have the same nightmare over and over again. I get a very weird sense of well being from nature and life all around us. I think its disgusting what we are doing to the beautiful planet we live on. They say we are the smartest of all the animals, but I don’t see any other animals fucking up the world like we are

I believe that there are good people left in this world but I think you must look very hard for them. Watching the kids play football on the green always makes me smile. I don’t think we are alone in this universe. See all those stars? They all have planets floating around them… you can’t tell me were THAT special, surely? Ive always loathed cowards of any kind. Shallow people make me want to puke, I have to say. I have no time for idiots. Romance is dead. Chivalry is dead too. People don’t seem to want that kind of thing anymore. People have changed. They are so cold now. Someone once told me a secret and since the day they told me it’s torn me apart. Im very sensitive but most people never see that side of me. When i love, i love completely. I carry someone else’s burden that I should never have been given. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I can’t allow others to be hurt. Necessary force I think its called. I stand up for my rights and ill fight for what I believe in. I’m not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore but I still try to do what’s best. I sometimes despair at humanity. There are so many sick and dying people in this world, because of wars, famine and a whole lot of other things and yet we are consumed by a society fed on greed and status. Where did all the good people in the world go?

There are people out there who would stand by and watch adults harm children, knowing full well what that harm can do and cause. What kind of people are they? If you knew a child that was being abused, would you tell someone? Would you do all you could to put an end to that abuse? What is this world coming to? I would like to think there is still love in this world. I want to believe in something. I don’t want to be a sheep and I don’t want to be a clone. I don’t want to follow trends or keep up with the joneses. I want to make someone smile. I want to make someone feel loved. I want to make someone laugh until it hurts and I want to be happy with them. I don’t want a soul mate; they always hurt you the most. I don’t want excuses. I don’t want promises. I don’t want lies either. I want K.F.C. I want to be counted. I want to do something good in this world. I want to be free of this secret and this burden. I want to do the right thing. I want to be free. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss lots of things. i miss the point most of the time.

I love technology. I love history too. I should have been born in a different time, ive always thought that. Sometimes I lock myself away for hours just listening to music and trying to clear my thoughts. Sometimes I sit in silence. Sometimes that silence really hurts. Writing heals my heart when I think of the good that it will do. I want to tell the truth because it’s the only way I know how. Ive been fucked over in this life more times than one person can really bear. Ive done some very stupid things to myself in the past. Someone knew and heard it all but still did nothing. I’m still here. I’m not very confident. I don’t have a high opinion of myself. I once had everything but I gave it all up for someone I believed in. Ive had my heart broken twice, once by accident and once deliberately. I broke someone’s heart once too and it’s the biggest regret that I have. I have many regrets in life. I’m not racist. I’m not prejudiced. I can’t stand cheats and I dislike sluts immensely. Chances are there to be taken. Hearts aren’t meant to get broken. If you love someone, tell them, It’s not a sign of weakness. Love is a sign of strength. Love can make anything right. Some people throw the word Love around like its expendable. Those are the people who don’t know what love really is. I know what love is i’m just not sure how to get close enough now. Constant let downs and 2 years of emotional torture can do that to a person. Please don’t hold it against me.

I hate drama. I don’t like violence. I hate people who don’t look after animals properly, they really piss me off. Old people shouldn’t be allowed to drive cars. I sat behind a woman in a car park for 10 minutes a few weeks ago as she tried to park her BMW X5. Just as I was about to slip into a boredom-induced coma, she managed to park the car… in a different space. I haven’t felt rage like that for a long time. The last band I went to see was The Wildhearts and they were unbelievable. The last movie I bought was Twilight. I have a soft spot for gnomes. I think Cannabis should be legal. Giraffes make me laugh, have you ever watched them at the zoo? Crazy animals. I’m a great listener and i’m told I give great advice. I have a lot of patience but I don’t suffer fools gladly. I’m a lot smarter than people usually expect me to be. I can talk to pretty much anyone about anything. I love to get lost in conversation for hours and hours. Ive often been told that I make a wonderful friend but believe me, you don’t want me as an enemy. I’m incredibly sarcastic. My jokes are rubbish. I’m generous to a fault. I’m very fair and very patient. It takes a lot to piss me off but when I snap it’s not pretty. Personality wins over looks any day. Emotions and feelings aren’t only for girls. Guys like romance too. It’s ok to cry once in a while. I cry a little most days. Its ok to feel lost just try to find your way back. It’s never too late. It’s nearly time to go. I think i’m ok but who knows what you think.

Apparently i’m funny. I make people laugh a lot, not a bad skill to have I suppose? I’m a loyal friend and i’m very giving. I used to be a good judge of character but ive slipped a bit recently. The N.H.S. sucks. Gordon Brown’s a cock. Mike Myers should make more movies. They say that most men are very insecure. Who are “they?” and how do they know this? Why don’t the aid agencies hand out birth control with food in third world countries? And if they did, would people use it? I don’t believe in god but that doesn’t mean i’m not a bit spiritual. I want to believe in people more. I want to believe that there’s a point to everything. I want just one dream to come true. Ive never asked for much, but I never got much either. Maybe I should ask more? Maybe I should just take. I may have lost the last battle, but ill win the war. Blitzkrieg baby, its on like Donkey Kong! I can’t think of anything that scares me except spider’s… pointless creatures. Aye Aye’s are beautiful and bizarre. All nature is beautiful and bizarre. I have an IQ of 149 whatever that means; I still do really dumb things and make really stupid choices though. Maybe my heart rules my head? I actually do wish I was a goldfish. I love guitars, I love old beaten up pieces of shit and I like nice shiny new guitars, I wish I could play more. I wish I were in a band again. I write a lot of songs so maybe I should put some up on here? Maybe everyone will think they are crap. Maybe they are crap. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, it’s just hard to try and figure out what that reason is sometimes. Most people hurt each other without even thinking about it. I don’t want to be one of those people. The best of friends make the worst enemies. Knowledge is power isn’t it? I wont fuck you over if I have no reason. Fuck me over, I’ll fuck you over right back, only ten times as bad. Hurt me and I’ll hurt you so much more. Attack me and I’ll wipe you out. Talk shit about me and I’ll shut you up permanently. Betray me… well then you have real problems. I’m not a perfect person and I don’t live in a perfect world but ive been perfect to somebody before. They were perfect to me too. Ive been hurt and ive been used as i’m sure you’ve been too. I have a mountain to climb… literally. But I will climb it. Kilimanjaro to be more precise… for charity. If Chris Moyles can bloody do it…

These guys were amazing at Download 2009...

These guys are ALWAYS great live :)

In spite of it all, i miss my friend. I think i always will :(