Patrick

About me:

I can't believe anyone would read any of this. I try not to be funny, and it usually works. People ask what comedians I like and I used to not be able to answer that. I was always more into comedic performers like Gene Wilder and Bill Murray moreso than traditional stand up comics. However, I've grown to love Chris Rock, Lewis Black, Andy Kindler. I like sports too much and have been trying to get away from them in the past few years, and more towards drug use. A rave of retired athletes would be ideal. 2012 should be something else. One of my new years' resolutions is to not apologize so much. Only in Los Angeles. My college alumni has won five NAIA Division I football titles in the last decade, so if in the upcoming weeks you see me smiling with my hand down my pants, it's because i was just looking at my high school yearbook. What the? Someday I want to make enough money so that I can date the types of girls I grew up with. I'm proud of Carroll College. When I was there the mascot was the "Fighting Saint." I think we changed that to something more oxymoronic like the "Negotiating Irish." I was supposed to play football there which was my reason for going, but I injured my knee in my last high school football game going over the middle on 3rd and long... I wished I could have contributed to the football team there. We had some tough kids. I had a chip on my shoulder freshman year of college and was a prick at times to fellow students who were trying to be welcoming. I'm glad I stayed and saw things through and developed a relationship with the school and the surrounding community. Our forensics team is superb. My freshman roommate was on it. My one regret is we didn't spend more time together. In my time at Carroll College I saw two comedians who came to our school to perform. Pauly Shore and Richard Jeni. Pauly Shore's show was awful. Richard Jeni's was incredible. As an aside, good looking people probably shouldn't give dating advice. This excerpt just put me to sleep.