The Art of Bazonga Shay!
Through out the centuries philosophers have tried to define the meaning of the word "Art". What stirs the soul? What raises a mere picture to the sainted elite? What is art?
We here at "Paranoia High", a division of the Omni-Grasp Corporation, know exactly what makes art. Product tie-ins! And we have a doosey for you!
"Bazonga Shay" Bubble gum has been showing positive cash flow for more than 50 years. It's efficient recycling of jokes and remarkably inexpensive, population controlling, third world gum type product (called "Soylent Pink" in the trades) has been profitably since it's creation.
That my friends, is art!
-- BEGINNING INTERVIEW --
One of the more successful tie-ins was the "Bazonga Shay" bubble gum comics. Do you care to comment?
Dave: About what? Shay or the Bazongas?
Dale: How about Shay's Bazongas?
Dave and Dale: Bwah hah hah haha *snork*.
Dave: Room spinning...
Dale: Hello Mr. Jesus.
[ At this point in the interview I stopped tape to allow oxygen to be brought in. ]
Dave: Ah, that's good stuff!
Dale: Oh yea! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
I'm here to interview you for the 100th anniversary of "Paranoia High"
Dave: I remember that! We did bubble gum!
Dale: I remember that! We were sitting around and you said "Lets do some bubble gum!"
Dave: No no no. I didn't say it. Dave said it.
Dale: Yea? You're right!
Dave: You didn't want Dave in your head! All the time telling me what to do. Always saying........... *snork*
Dave: Wa? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?!
Dale: You know, before us, gum comics were written by the communists!
I didn't know that.
Dave: Yea! Yea they were! Then one night Sir J. Edgar Hoover comes over and says "Boys! Boys, the FBI needs you to run the commies out of gum comics!"
Dale: And then he said "Does this skirt make me look gay?"
Dave: And then Dale says "No! If you want to look gay you should shave, and maybe rub yourself with mineral oil!"
Dale: And he did! He shaved and oiled and danced around like a little gay sausage! He was a gentleman!
Dale: And then he kissed me!
Dave: But no tongue.
Dale: Just the one time.
Dave: J. Edgar Hoover had a tongue like a bear!
About the gum comics...
Dave: So the communists had character Joe. Ummmm Joe .... Joe...
Dale: Chipmunk Joe!
Dave: Yea! Yea! Chipmunk Joe and his Gang of Communists!
Dale: So we say "Hey Chipmunk Joe and your Gang of Communists, you got bazongas like these?"
Dave: And then we held a meeting.
Dale: The bazonga...
Dave: Yea! The "Bazonga Meeting" we called it. To decide who was getting the bazongas to fight the communism in the gum comics.
It seems pretty obvious to me who should get...
Dave: Yea now, cause your stupid! It was this guy! This genius who said...
Dale: "Lets put the bazongas on Shay" I says.
Dave: And then we...
Dale: "Let's put 15 bazongas on Shay!"
Dave: But we couldn't do 15! The bazonga technology was too primitive at that time.
Dale: We tried 3 bazongas once but the printer caught fire!
Dave: Killed one of the pressmen too. Nice kid. We had to send the widow a box of gum and a fresh carpet to make it all better.
So is Shay based on anyone real?
Dale: Oh yea!
Dave: I think so.
Dale: Some nice girl that Dave used to work with. But with extra bazongas and an eye patch, if you know what I mean?
Um, no. How did "Bazonga Shay" loose an eye?
Dave: In the park.
Dale: "'Bazonga Shay'", we says, "Don't go to the park or you'll loose an eye" we says.
Dave: And she goes to the park.
Dale: And there goes the eye!
Dave: She was a good kid!
[ At this point they appear to lapse into a coma of some sort so we'll end this part of the interview. ]
-- ENDING INTERVIEW --
Well, we didn't get to talk about the maximum profit profile hit by marketing, or the contents of "Soylent Pink", but it was an exciting interview all the same.
If there are any marketing strategies you'd like to know more about, and gosh, who wouldn't, send your product requests to Dale's blog or Dave's blog.
I'm Charles Vanden, for "Paranoia High", a division of the Omni-Grasp Corporation.